Emotional detachment - Could it be related to my childhood sexual trauma or toxic relationship.

[LS_baby]

First time poster.

I will try keep it as short as I can but abit of back story, I was sexually assaulted when I was around 8-11 (not exactly sure) by my older cousin.. I grew up really struggling with it as I thought I had told my mum or sister at the time it happened and nothing was done about it nor was it dealt with in any kind of way so I guess I grew up thinking maybe that what happened to me wasn't a big deal or maybe they just don't care about me, Since having my own children I struggled even more as I could imagine if anything in anyway happened to them I would handle it ALOT differently, Its also hard because my father still acts as if nothing happened and he is still talks with his nephew as if nothing happened.

I got into a relationship when I was 17, had my first baby with him at 18, he did show signs of abuse at the start (he wouldn't allow me to leave the room when arguing and he became very aggressive. This was my first real relationship, 2 kids later and a marriage, I decided I needed to get out of the toxic marriage, I struggled for years and stayed because I wanted my children to have their parents together (I grew up with both mine together despite my dad also being abusive and using drugs my whole life) So seeing my mum put up with that and staying with him through anything I felt like leaving wasn't an option until one day we were in the car arguing infront of my young children and he threatened to hurt me (there was alot more problems), I knew from that moment I needed to start planning a way to leave, it wasn't easy, there was times he would message me telling me his self-harming right now and it's my fault my children won't have a dad (really regularly).

Fast forward to now I finally met someone amazing, treats me so well and honestly treats my children like his own and at first I couldn't have been happier, almost a year on I'm 20 weeks pregnant and lately have really struggled emotionally, if we do argue (normally over something small) I just feel so detached and like i have no emotional feeling at all, which then makes him feel unloved and like I don't care, I'm also not as affectionate as I was with him at the start.. I'm wondering if this has anything to do with my past? and what help do I need? I don't want to make him to feel that way, I do realize I was also like this during my marriage with my ex, especially towards the end..

I just want to feel normal 😔

[Guest_1643]

Hey LS

congrats on finding such a great partner and moving on from the relationship that wasn't good for you

that is so wonderful that you were able to do that

Glad to hear he is a good father to your kids, that's very special and valuable. You've made a family and now with one on the way....

I feel these detachments too.... i often feel very seperate like i'm in my own world and no one can touch me there. Is that what it feels like for you, just a sort of bubble around you?

I am not a professional, but for me it is about trauma. Have you ever had a look online at the Blue Knot Foundation? They have a lot of info for people who have experienced childhood abuse.

Many people who suffer from trauma when they are young have these sort of symptoms as adults.... but i think there is a lot of ways to heal from it... so i'm hoping you find some good info here that can set you on a good path to healing 🙂

[geoff]

Hello LS, and a warm welcome to the forums.

The feeling you have after a small argument and not being as affectionate as you were before shouldn't be compared to when you first met, that's a totally different feeling for being in love, but one that won't be able to hang onto as you begin to explore the other person.

Can I join Sleepy21 in being able to find someone different from your previous relationship and remember when two people love each other and have an unexpected disagreement often feel as though they're not loved, but to make up is the excitement you always wanted.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're carrying a baby, however, the problems that unfortunately happened when you were younger need to be spoken to with a counsellor, especially if this is a concern for you.

Take care.

Geoff.