Hi Tialee
This will be my first post. Your post resonated with me in many ways. First off, due to COVID, the physical distancing has just recently elevated my anxiety as I am widowed, a sole-parent to two teen boys and still living with my parents. Parents that, as a child, I experienced and witnessed domestic violence. The physical violence has stopped, however the psychological is unfortunately ever so present. Long story short, in the presence of COVID, I am struggling to be in the same household as my parents as they're completely oblivious to the roles they gave played and contributed to, in the later sexual abuse I experienced from three family members, throughout my childhood, at different stages.
I too am walking along and navigating the road of recovery, however COVID has triggered past feelings of witnessing IPV as a child. My solution as a teen, was to run away from home, but now, you can physically not.
My support networks as well do not understand my past and my extended 'family' are happy to play silent for the abuse they all know I endured.
Although my childhood was not ideal, I guess one positive I can take from all of this is that due to his violent and abusive behaviour, my fighting spirit was born.
The physical abuse ceased at home when I threw myself in front of my mum as a teen. My injury was enough for her to leave him, although only for a week. However the physical violence ended there.
A great source of strength and empowerment for me was returning back to TAFE, for me, my community development course opened my mind beyond imagination and gave me the tools, skills, knowledge and validation that I needed as a woman and a survivor of child abuse(s) from parents of a CALD background.
I understand all too well the need of surrounding yourself with people you can trust and to feel safe around. At times it may not feel like it, but they are out there ❤️ >
I just wish my greatest support (boyfriend) wasn't overseas in lockdown as we have been in a long distance relationship for over 4 years now.
I guess what I'm trying to convey is, the fact that you're seeking and hoping for better things in your life, is already a monumental thing.
Knowing your worth and that you deserve better, will not only reward you, but this realisation can manifest positively 🙂
My realisation this evening that I cannot run away from home as I did as a teen, leaves me in this predicament that my children are unfortunately exposed to. Undoing all our progress so far, but definitely something I will have to discuss with my parents, if not, my mother about.
This cycle of abuse must end with me. My wish for my children to live their best lives, counts on me undoing so many wrongs that I have had to endure and experience.
I wish you great strength, courage, resilience and hope for a beautiful and safe future xo
