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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Universling Trauma stress
  • replies: 3

Been suffering in silence. Severely traumatized. Triggers are like a button that gets pushed and I have a really bad reaction. I've endured a lifetime of narcissistic abuse from my parents and brother and sisters. I've been silenced with mental illne... View more

Been suffering in silence. Severely traumatized. Triggers are like a button that gets pushed and I have a really bad reaction. I've endured a lifetime of narcissistic abuse from my parents and brother and sisters. I've been silenced with mental illness. I've been targeted by the worst of the worst. I've been assaulted in every form. I've had to fight for everything only to be stripped of everything that is my own. I am a destroyed person, yet I do everything I can to look after myself. I have lost my child to a family of narcissists who have poisoned her mind with lies since she was only 14. I haven't seen her for 11 years. They smeared my reputation they tell everyone I'm crazy, not that I give what their friends think of me as their friends are narcissists too. I've had close calls in my life with a psychopath and an addict and a gangstalking cult. I was harmed and my mother silenced me.

Universling Universling
  • replies: 2

Fear from reaching out about narcissistic abuse

Fear from reaching out about narcissistic abuse

ECM Physical Symptoms
  • replies: 3

Hi all, this is my first thread. Currently in one of the worst depressive/anxiety episodes I’ve ever been in. I am also suffering with terrible physical symptoms which include constant stomach upsets. I’m interested to know what others who suffer thi... View more

Hi all, this is my first thread. Currently in one of the worst depressive/anxiety episodes I’ve ever been in. I am also suffering with terrible physical symptoms which include constant stomach upsets. I’m interested to know what others who suffer this find to eat that assists?

Jasman1971 My wife is violent
  • replies: 9

Hi 1 my wife has mental health issues and has abused me mentally and physically and emotionally for years. I have confided in a few but never told anyone the whole truth. I told myself it would get better but has got worse. I don’t care for me anymor... View more

Hi 1 my wife has mental health issues and has abused me mentally and physically and emotionally for years. I have confided in a few but never told anyone the whole truth. I told myself it would get better but has got worse. I don’t care for me anymore but am afraid for my daughter and stepson. She is a loving wife when she is good but when she thinks too much she will destroy , burn , break or smash anything she thinks will hurt me . I want to leave her now but afraid of how she might react. My business has suffered and is not good, owe a lot to the ato due to this. I want to leave but need some advise on how to leave without sending me bankrupt.I know she loves the children but I am concerned she may hurt them by mistake, so I want to keep my daughter and stepson to protect them. How do I leave without all I have left being burned to the ground ? ..

AdriftAnnie Can’t feel anything 2 years after trauma
  • replies: 14

Hi, I’ve posted on these forums a few times about being violently assaulted by my husband, one afternoon 2 years ago. Since then I’ve tried medication and therapy. They were somewhat helpful, until they weren’t anymore. Mostly I just cope by not thin... View more

Hi, I’ve posted on these forums a few times about being violently assaulted by my husband, one afternoon 2 years ago. Since then I’ve tried medication and therapy. They were somewhat helpful, until they weren’t anymore. Mostly I just cope by not thinking about it. I have no feelings about it really, but the trouble is I have no feelings about anything else either. I have young children so this is problematic. If my children cry I will comfort them because I know that is what they want, but I don’t feel anything when they cry anymore. I feel defective and broken. I feel like I’m not a real mother. I take care of their needs, but the connection isn’t there. I’m not really interested in life or the future. I don’t care about anything. I used to be so close to my family, but I just feel disconnected from everyone now ... and not because of the social distancing rules. I have felt this way for at least a year. Is this normal after a traumatic experience? Should emotional numbing really last this long? Does anyone have any idea what I can do? I feel lost.

Richie01 Am i the only one rejection consume
  • replies: 19

This is my first time here and its come at the stage in my life where i have lost everything i love because i have pushed and pushed until they couldn't take it anymore. Im try to get help but opening up is terrifying and only possible in small windo... View more

This is my first time here and its come at the stage in my life where i have lost everything i love because i have pushed and pushed until they couldn't take it anymore. Im try to get help but opening up is terrifying and only possible in small windows which never seem to be open at the right time. Its great for everyone to say get help, like its that easy!!! Truth is, ive been carrying my pain since i was six years old when my sexual abuse started. I have been almost re living the worst days of my life in my mind over and over in my head for the last five years, only having a chance to breathe in that small space between starting to drink and being too drunk to see reason. My partner who i love with all of my heart, bore the brunt of my fears and to be honest, i couldn't even see the effect i was having on her when i was in that state. I hate me for that. When we met, for the first few years, things were great, she knew i had been abused but not in any detail. She was proud of me for being so strong and i guess at the time i was. Over time, after we had our three beautiful children, the intimacy between us died and the past just kept coming back. It was as tho every advance i made was rejected, i couldn't work it out. I put it down to me, not being good enough and all of the related feelings that go with it. Eventually, i feel i let all of my good intentions become a quest for a sexual connection again because for me, feeling rejected sexually had become a trigger. To me, my abuser never rejected me, he is the only one who wants me. I dont know how this thought process manifested itself because there were reasons that explained the lack of intimacy but none seemed to take away the rejection i felt. So i would internalises it and push it away. We would make up for the outbursts i had in a quick fix till next time cycle. The thoughts never went away, the past grew more and more into my present. I feel like im going crazy, im panicking as i write this. I really dont know what to do. I just want to treat the ones i love like i want to, why do i let being raped as a child be the defining part of my life. It changes and rules everything. I want to tell her everything. But the reason i couldn't for all of those years was that it would hurt her less to feel i felt rejected by her, to fight and make up for that than to let her see and feel the pain i do. Has anyone else out there had those feelings? I feel like no one can understand and im alone in this.

Boobella Going to court to give evidence
  • replies: 6

I'm not sure if this is the right section, but I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to ease the emotional (I guess anxiety mostly), about having to face a perpetrator in court? I'm still months away and it'll probably be delayed... View more

I'm not sure if this is the right section, but I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to ease the emotional (I guess anxiety mostly), about having to face a perpetrator in court? I'm still months away and it'll probably be delayed because of corona virus, and I need to try and live my life right now and all the way up to and beyond then. I'm struggling to function. I'm either stuck in bed staring at the ceiling, sitting at my computer staring at my work (which unfortunately doesn't get done by desire alone), standing somewhere staring at nothing, you get the point. The amount of times in the last few months since I reported and it got to the court stage I've found myself in a zombie state is increasing as October draws nearer. I'm desperate to feel like I'm around about at my normal. I'm scared I'm going to give myself an ulcer or something, let alone give up because the whole justice system feels just as much like an abuser... My PTSD is worse too. I'm jumping at the sight of people who look a certain way, or sounds from anything I can't see or identify immediately. And to 'help' myself, I thought I'd get a new shepherd pup, after grieving the loss of her predecessors. Wellity well well... I damn forgot how exhausting puppies were, didn't I? Now I'm struggling to keep the house clean too. And really young people (dogs in this case) are primarily interested in what they're getting (food, a warm bed and a pat), so there's not a whole lot of support coming my way. Although she does love a cuddle, and when I had a cold a few weeks back, she was soooooo good. So I think if I can keep myself going, I will have a very good friend for at least another decade. And right at the end, the real reason for my stress - how do you deal with it if the court finds your abuser a better witness than you? I mean it's easy for them, they only have to deny it. They haven't had 30-odd years of punishing themselves for what a piece of shit did to them when they were a child.

blondguy Victoria Police Tragedy April 22 2020
  • replies: 11

As a volunteer on the Beyond Blue forums I am very upset to hear about the loss of Four Police officers that died on the Eastern Freeway in Victoria late this afternoon...A few words will provide support to all Police Officers and their families Plea... View more

As a volunteer on the Beyond Blue forums I am very upset to hear about the loss of Four Police officers that died on the Eastern Freeway in Victoria late this afternoon...A few words will provide support to all Police Officers and their families Please post your support and respect Paul

Kylz87 *Trigger warning - childhood sexual abuse* Why I joined beyond blue. I hoping that the hard times I went through will help anyone else struggling and feeling alone.
  • replies: 2

In our house growing up -if dad said something- you did it. The sexual abuse continued for 9 months.. once I finally told my mother, she made it all about her. She was the victim and I just let her be! Maybe it was easier at the time, I was young and... View more

In our house growing up -if dad said something- you did it. The sexual abuse continued for 9 months.. once I finally told my mother, she made it all about her. She was the victim and I just let her be! Maybe it was easier at the time, I was young and I always seen mum was my best friend. Only in recent years I realised that my relationship with my mother wasn’t what I’d thought. I’d been manipulated and emotionally abused for years prior to my step dad and even though she wasn’t involved in the sexual abuse physically, she took no responsibility for the blind eye she turned. I got through it alone, I just hope that my sharing can help someone else suffering in silence. Your not alone.. TRUST ME!

Guest233 PTSD from shoulder fracture
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone Due to a trip and fall onto concrete, I sustained a brutal injury to my right shoulder and had to wait 3 weeks for surgery, needing to take opiates for the pain. Before then I was a fit and healthy person having recommenced University stu... View more

Hi everyone Due to a trip and fall onto concrete, I sustained a brutal injury to my right shoulder and had to wait 3 weeks for surgery, needing to take opiates for the pain. Before then I was a fit and healthy person having recommenced University studies this year. I also loved weight training. Since the reverse shoulder reconstruction surgery five weeks ago not only has my physical health declined but so has my mental health. I think this is partly due to the anaesthetics and opiates but also major grief. I had so many plans for 2020 and am mourning the loss of those plans. I am undergoing counselling at this point in time but still feel so lost. My counsellor has said I have PTSD. I think the reason that I'm reacting so strongly as well to my injury and operation is that my mum fell and broke her shoulder in the kitchen at her unit in 2018. Mum needed the same operation. My sister was her carer and was supposed to be looking after mum properly and this didn't happen. I still blame my sister for this. Mum ended up in hospital delirious with pain and having to be on heavy duty medication. Mum never was the same afterwards and she was hallucinating and ended up in rehab for 3 months and then was diagnosed with a delusional disorder. From the date of the injury to her passing, it was six months. It's only been a year since my mum’s passed so I think what she went through keeps coming up for me but having had the misfortune to have the same injury as her, makes my trauma worse. Thanks for the time you have taken to read this,

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