I have wanted to leave my relationship for some time now but it all came to a head 2 weeks ago. My partner saw me and tried to initiate sex. I said I didn’t want to because I still had to put the kids to bed. I wasn’t interested. He pressed the issue and we had sex anyway. Of course one by one the kids came in as small children do. He stopped each time and threw a blanket over us and told the kids to get out. I was feeling humiliated. The third time we were interrupted I walked away and he got angry with our daughter because of it.
I scooped her up and took her to my bed. The next morning I asked if he thought his behaviour was respectful to anyone in the house that night. He said “well you were having sex with me too”
I told him I was breaking up with him. That I didn’t love him. For 2 days he seemed to accept it and then went back to normal. I broke up with him again 2 days ago over the phone. We discussed dividing assets etc. and then he came home and said let’s find you a hobby, you aren’t coping at home with the kids.
I don’t work, I look after our 3 kids (all under 5). The accountant has allocated part of his earnings to me so my tax returns looks like I have earned $200,000 a year so I am not entitled to any support from Centrelink. He won’t move out, or accept the breakup and I have no access to funds to leave.
I find myself crying at the drop of a hat, not eating, drinking wine which I shouldn’t because I take medication for anxiety and hiding in my wardrobe or the laundry for 10 mins to get away from the noise. The situation feels like it will never get better and I wonder why I can’t cope when everyone else around me seems fine. All I want to do is fall apart but I know I can’t do that because my kids need me.
