Reaching Out...

Leone39 · ‎25-11-2019

Hello there,
this is my first time in ever reaching out for advice or people who may have experienced similar problems in there life.

So to begin i'm 26 years old and as far back as I can remember I've struggled with some kind of Stress/Anxiety/Depression although I've never been diagnosed for any of these conditions due to troubles with GP's and any kind of referrals for mental health I've had that i will touch upon.

I mainly go through fazes of the 3 issues I have mentioned sometimes like lately they affect my day to day life such as not being able to eat or enjoy time off from work and etc, this can go on for weeks at a time were I feel a constant dread in my stomach which has made me sick on occasion by not being able to stomach foods or drink.
This can easily be triggered for me by work, even the most minute things cause this (I.E maybe I felt I didn't smile at a customer enough) and I can go home in terrible bouts of anxiety to the point of shaking sometimes.
The majority of my stress is work related, I have this deep rooted fear of being fired although I have worked for my current employer for 5 years and truly I know this isn't a likely scenario but the stress for me is uncontrollable.

I suffered this stress all throughout my schooling life too and I was always a constant victim of extreme physical and psychological bullying which I don't think I've ever fully overcome, touching upon receiving mental help I know that would be the first thing anyone is going to tell me to do I have this feeling of it not being the answer as during my tenure at school I was sent to 2 different physiologists/counselor who were both considered of high degree. The first was early in my high schooling and she told me that "the boys who are doing this to you come from broken homes so its not there fault they do what has been done to them'' which never quite sat with me right, it always made me feel as this was all my fault.

The second physiologist/counselor who i saw near the end of high school after an incident were I was followed home by the same boys I had dealt with for 5 years assaulted me to the point of being hospitalized, fearing to leave my house for weeks after this incident she only ever spoke of her sons happy life, every session told me how happy he was? I never understood this maybe she thought this would help me?

In my 26 years I've lived in constant fear only on brief occasions have I ever spoke out about this, maybe someone can share some advice?

Nurse_Jenn · ‎25-11-2019

Hi Leone39,

Welcome to the forum. I just read your post and I am so sorry you are experiencing so much stress and worry. This can be so uncomfortable and distracting. Your experiences with counselling and psychologists have been very unhelpful. This is tough especially after describing the incident of assault and bullying - I can only imagine how much trauma that caused you and how much suffering you have had as a result. It takes courage reaching out here on the forum and I commend you on your strength for taking this step. You are not alone. The forum is a safe place where many people get support and give it in return. We all have a lived experience, each and every one of us in some way. Your post really resonated with me as I was bullied a lot in school as well. This was a long time ago and I have processed it through different channels but like you, I never quite found the right support when it was happening.

Your situation of having experienced a significant assault would be something that would live inside of you - I know you have been scarred by having two poor experience of counselling but I wonder if you might give it another go? You could even start by doing something that just focuses on your worry in the here and now and at a later time, go deeper into the experiences you had earlier in life.

There are a few programs you can look up that help with worry and anxiety that don't require a GP referrals. You could try something less intense out first and see if this works for you. For example, one option that may people have had success with is a free online treatment program called Mindspot. You can use Mindspot from your own home and it uses both online and over the phone counselling support. You can read about Mindspot but going to this website. https://mindspot.org.au

Another option that you can have a look at is a Developed by Beyond Blue program called NewAccess. It is a free program and supports people with worry and low mood. It is limited to some areas across Australia. You can read about whether it is available in your area by going to this page https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/newaccess

These are just a few suggestions. I know that others will be able to add more. We are listening. If you are not comfortable taking the next step now, that is okay. You have found a safe place here on the forum to start your healing journey.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

Leone39 · ‎26-11-2019

Hello Nurse Jenn,

Thank you taking the time to read my post, I've checked out Mindspot as you suggested it and took the assessment as I find this an approach that suites me comfortably before seeking a GP referral.

Also thank you for your response it made me feel a little clear headed yesterday.