PTSD

[Dented]

7 months ago my mother was diagnosed with ACC a rare cancer, cancer in the nerves, with maybe 12 months to live, she is primary carer for my father who also is ill with heart disease from a heart attack in 2005, I spent 4 months +organising mothers appointments future care and caring as best as i could for my father, Mum had her palate removed and some parts of her jaw, is on a peg and can only eat small amounts of solids, has lost her strength is grieving heavily on me and is organising all her and my fathers end of life planning with me, also my father at times is leaning on me as he is deeply sadenned and confused to what to do with his life. My issue is i become disinterested in life, lose concentration and become depressed, fortunately i am able to pull myself out of it at the moment, i spent so much energy for so long thinking about doing the best i could for my parents care i forgot about me, i still have occasional recurring images of dads heart attack in 2005,as he had 3 in front of me, i have images of his sadness about my mothers health and i have many sad images of my mothers last few months inculding the phone call i received when we found out she had cancer. I have a adult son and a teenager son who also need me to some degree, my mothers illness has rocked our family as we all were of the belief as well as doctors, that my father would pass first. If i was brutally honest with my self i feel people around me has moved forward, but i still feel emotionally or mentally stuck in those traumatic months.

[Croix]

Dear Dented~

You are going though a truly horrible time at the moment and are of course suffering the reaction to it. This will not be news to you. I'm very glad you came here.

Perhaps if I put it this way, you are doing the job of a small hospital, a greif councilor, a palliative care councilor, a carer and a mother, not to mention all the other jobs all these entail.

Even a PEG diet alone is a non-trivial and exacting operation.

Worse you are doing them for those you are closest too. The overall effect on you is immense, and I'm full of admiration you can say you are only 'dented'.

With those we deeply care for there is a natural feeling that we are bottomless wells of love, energy and ability. Sadly that is not the case. We all have limits and when they are reached we fall ill ourselves. To put it bluntly if you become ill and are no longer able to " pull myself out of it at the moment" then all the people who currently depend upon you will be in much worse straights.

From your account it is very obvious you are a very capable person, and I'd ask that you apply that capability to your own care. While I do not know enough of the circumstances to make practical suggestions I can see, looking in from the outside, that there is far too much pressure on you, partly from circumstances, and partly due to your own high expectations.

So can I suggest you find means firstly of shouldering less of the daily burdens of looking after your parents, be it listening to grieving or plans or offering such encouragement as is possible or formulating food . There needs to be others involved, professional, family, freinds.

The other of course is that you seek medical help yourself. As someone which PTSD and other illnesses I fell into the trap of trying to keep going by myself, not seeking help, not relying on others. I simply made matters a whole lot worse, just for the sake of a little delay.My condition became a lot worse, and treatment far more difficult and long-lasting.

So may I suggest you do not fall into the same pitfall.

With an adult son and a teenager things are not necessarily all one way. Often offspring can be a source of hope, encouragement and help.

Please return, you might be able to say what you think some possibilities might be.

Croix