PTSD- how to not think about bad memories?

[Regretful]

Hi,

Does anyone have any advice on how to not think about memories from your past?

I have PTSD from some bad things that happened 15 years ago ,where in the moment when dating, things started to go further than I morally intended to and i said NO and grabbed his arm to stop but he kept going and pressured me to take things further and he pushed the boundaries of how far i wanted to go. I hadn't planned on things going that far. This happened more than once.

How do you stop remembering the bad incidents?

I saw a psychologist. Then a few years later i had to see another psychologist again. The first psychologist said "that boy was less than honourable". The second psychologist a few years later said "there's trauma attached to it." and told me I had PTSD.

For a while, keeping busy by doing hobbies, being mindful in the present and trying to think about happy memories instead helped me.

But even 15 years later, the bad memories still keep popping up in my head when I don't want them to.

I married someone else and I feel so much guilt and shame at having gone too far with someone else before marriage.

[Burdy]

Hi Regretful,

I'm glad you decided to start your own thread and your question is one that is valid for me too.

I wish I could give you a definitive answer as it would solve my problems too.

My 'flash backs' come from things that happened in my childhood (like being forced to hold down and drown a kitten in a bucket because it annoyed my mother). This all happened 30 odd years ago.

Are you still seeing your psychologist? Have you asked them the question?

For me I have learnt over the years to become hardened (a-typical symptom of a child from NPD parent) but as time goes by and the further I remove myself from my childhood the harder it is becoming to keep the thoughts, images and feelings suppressed.

I guess the answer is to talk about it, let it out and don't let it fester, a problem shared is a problem halved so they say. Talk with people who understand which I guess is what we are both doing here, right? 🙂

keep using this space as a safe place to off load, I am finding it is helping alot.

Bursy

[Regretful]

Thanks very much for your reply, Buddy. I'm currently not seeing a psychologist as I already had many sessions with the two psychologists and I don't feel that there's anything new that can be done.

One psychologist said that anytime a bad memory about stuff that happened with that boy comes up to then think 'STOP" and replace it with a happy memory about something different.

The other psychologist said that whenever a bad memory about those incidents comes up to think "that's the past story" and then do not continue down that train of thought and do not dwell on it.

Unfortunately none of those strategies have helped to stop the bad memories coming up in my head even after all these years.

At the end of the day, even though I put myself in that situation and I DID want to make out, I should have the right to control how far it goes. However I drew the line at no and he crossed the line.

[Regretful]

Also I have a lot of self blame because I kept going back to meet him more times even though it had gone too far than I wanted to. I kept going back and let things go too far more times because I felt emotionally attached. I can't believe my stupidity.

[Idkme]

Hi Burdy and Regretful,

its great you’ve started your own post Regretful....

youve definitely had some bad experience to impact your life... I’m sorry you had to deal with that but equally happy you aren’t in that relationship still.

I myself have had a similar experience. I was sexually abused by my horse trainer over a period from 13yo to 16yo until I met my now husband. I’m very lucky I met him and have now been happy married for 23 years.... (not all happy but mostly good). It was only this year that I had, what I can only express as, as break down. I am also lucky that it has only impacted my private life so far as to those who know.

I was totally triggered... I couldn’t cope, thank goodness it was the middle of the holidays and I work as a senior teacher.... phew.

I quickly did some fast hunting... I now have a psychologist, a therapy friend, a work friend, some good books and a few YouTube subscriptions.

I’m on a journey of self discovery.

My suggestion is you just keep trying different options. I only just heard today about a thing called NLP (Nestor linguistic programming), I’ve started looking into that too.

I’ve booked in for EMDR therapy too so we will see how that goes.

There are so many options and ideas out there, you just need to be open to the ideas and willing to try... some things will work, some won’t... just like psychologists.

Im not sure I like the feedback your psychologist gave you, ie ‘just stop’. I mean like really.... who can do that? Not me.

Anyway. It’s great to have you here. Keep sharing your thoughts and seeking questions.... I don’t have answers but there’s always suggestions to contemplate.

Kind regards

[Regretful]

Thanks Idkme. At the end of the day, yes means yes and no means no. Saying yes to doing certain things (such as making out) doesn't mean you are saying yes to doing more than that. I'm married now and the worst thing is that there will always be a 'ghost' in the bedroom of these memories of the other guy from my past. My husband was supportive of me getting counselling to try to deal with my past.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your horse trainer.

It's great that you're getting help and good that you're happily married. I hope your EMDR therapy goes well. I've heard about that, it seems quite confronting. I haven't heard of NLP. What's that about?

[Burdy]

Thank you for sharing your story idkme.

Yes can you please expand on the therapies, NLP and EMDR. I have not heard of either.

Thanks in advance

[PamelaR]

Welcome Regretful to Beyond Blue

So good to see you have found your way here and to see Burdy and Idkme have responded to you. Wonderful to see. Thanks guys, that's what this community is all about.

There are a couple of things in your posts that I'd like to help with.

Finding a good psychologist

I'm not a health professional Regretful, though I do have PTSD, anxiety and depression. From what you've written I'm a little surprised at the responses your psychologists have given you. Do you have a GP you usually see? One that you trust?

I would be having discussions with my GP to say that the psychologist isn't working for you. You need one that understands, has experience with PTSD and in particular, childhood trauma. From what you have written, the advice you've been given is really unhelpful for you. There are many good, excellent counsellors and psychologists out there who can help. Have you had a look at the following website?

https://www.psychology.org.au/Find-a-Psychologist

How do you stop remembering the bad incidents?

I'm truly surprised that the psychologists you've visited haven't helped you to understand what's happening and the process of recovery and healing. The journey is long and takes time. To stop remembering doesn't happen over night. It takes a lot of work and a lot of commitment. But it will happen - in time! Believe me my worst nightmares are no longer there. It doesn't mean I don't get triggered, but I DON'T GET THE FLASHES anymore! That is so, so GOOD!

Find a really good psychologist Regretful, along with a good GP who can manage any medication you need.

Hope some of this helps. You are not alone in your journey. Keep reaching out to us if and when you want to. No pressure.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Regretful]

Thanks pamelaR for your advice.

The two psychologists that I saw previously were awhile ago. I'm not seeing any psychologist at the moment. Those two psychologists did help me feel better for awhile,but unfortunately I haven't achieved the long term goal of not having the bad memories popping up in my thoughts.

It's not childhood trauma as I was of legal age when I was seeing that guy.

Thanks for your advice. I think I'll look into finding a new psychologist.

[Regretful]

I understand that the process of recovery takes time, but it has been 15 years and still I haven't healed yet.

It weighs heavily on my guilty conscience because it has always been my religious and moral values, and my parents religious and moral values, to be sexually pure until marriage. I feel like every day of my life, I'm living a lie to my parents because I let them down as a daughter. And my husband stayed pure until marriage for me, so I feel so ashamed of my dirty past before marriage.

(Even though the decision to cross the line between making out and sexual wasn't my choice because that guy pressured me).