PTSD for Medical and First Responders

[A_Tech]

Hi,

Well obviously this my situation.

I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others).

Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management.

I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat.

Cheers ✌️

[littleboots]

Hello there Croix,

So very nice to see you here.

I'm reading Dan Kootz - The Whispering Room. Really very good. Kootz is a masterful writer, I've read a few now. The plot is twisted enough to keep me turning the pages & looking fwd to the next.

What are you reading?

Downloaded the app btw.

Me doing voluntary work? What a good idea. I don't know what I'd be good at though. I'd like to train for one of the help lines but via chat. I'm very fast on the k/board but no good with the hearing via phone. I need to look into it all a little more.

Helping others who are facing troubles helps me? Sounds corny I know but it does. Takes my mind away from myself, my own intensity & self-centered traits. But I'm an introvert or so I'm told. So need to go gently.

I don't like online gaming. I'm just not that competitive. Though I used to be. Calmed down now I reckon? I like ms word games lol..

I've been experimenting with making s/dough bread since early Jan. I know it's a thing now. I promise I was doing it before covid. I've done a huge amount of research & made many loaves - all edible but some well, only just. Intensely perfectionist traits come out with it all. Never satisfied with my own deeds.

Ripping around my house is my way of saying there are many jobs to be done. DIY or handyman? Handyman died. 😞

NDIS has turned into a nightmare. The plan they've provided seems designed for another person. Now I must either find someone to advocate on my behalf or do it myself. There is no end. Not good.

My dog is now settled in very well. We've had our moments of course but we find common ground. If she disagrees with me, food always changes her mind. I do mean a tiny, wee bit, even just a sniff. lol

21 years of marriage - so good to hear. Lately all around me r'ships are falling over. Covid finds the cracks?

I read about your cat - hmm who rules the roost?? Ya Cat!

The news isn't good but then if it was they'd not speak of it would they? So sad for the freeway four & those left behind. Too much. 😞

Take care & stay well,

LB

[Croix]

Dear LB~

I had been wondering how you were getting on, so I'm pleased that between reading about the FBI's one female highly trained rouge agent and filling the world with bread you are managing.

How can you research bead? It comes in various coloured packets from the supermarket and that's basically it.

Did I ever mention Charles Stross? I"m reading him now (again). He mixes up bureaucracy, the secret service and Lovecraft (the writer). Has several series with a female protagonist plus ranges widely elswhere. Though with your current author you only have around 100 books to go.

OK, what app?

In the canine world bribery goes a long way, not so the feline, they have their own agenda, full stop. I'm normally reduced to the status of doorman/butler.

Keyboard skill sounds in demand, why not inquire? Support is flavor of the month ATM due to isolation. You might have to expect training though to go with any reputable help organization

Yes I am sure isolation makes a number of relationships feel strained, it is amazing how many things fill up our live, work, travel, being alone, and all the myriad rest. To adapt to a more crowded stimulation poor life so different in nature takes a lot. That made worse be the ever present reminders on TV of discouraging stats and sights.

Don't want to say much about the freeway incident, I feel for all the families and the MOTF they knew. I wore the remembrance pin to my next meeting, sadly nobody even noticed.

I'm sorry about NDIS, frankly you need an advocate, one experienced in all the wordings necessary, not just somebody lumped on you, and doing it yourself involves as much specialist knowledge as proximate cause and heaps up the stress - (plus I doubt you would ever get a bread-maker on psychosocial disability grounds:)

Probably better attending to your house DIY on the doable jobs and leaving it in expert hands.

I'm sitting here in front of a wood fire in my elderly but exactly comfortable chair being supervised and will now stop

Stay good

Croix

[Reflection]

Hi,

this is my first post on this forum. We have a lot of things in common it would seem - the ugly head of PTSD and depression/anxiety can be quite bothersome. I know a little about that side of things. I, still don't tell people what I did in public, not special, just how it is. I will say this, we have a lot in common. If you do happen to want a hand, it's a long time ago now that I went through what you're talking about, but I might be able to offer some advice.

There is life after your job - one day at a time. I became a good drinker - I would not recommend that path.

I will be interested to see if I get a reply to this. So, I'll stop here, as I'm not sure about whether you'll get this, and i don't want to write a long post if it doesn't get to you.

Happy to chat, could be mutually therapeutic - for me, it's a part of my life i don't really talk about - though I'm happy to try.

Best wishes,

Reflection

[Reflection]

Hi Littleboots,

first, i really like your handle - cool name.

second, I'll just put a quick post out there and see how you're going. I'm only new to this chat about 30mins ago, so will just give is short message and see what happens. I have a similar chapter to you, not the same, just similar. I got out several years back now and the battles for some sort of funds to continue life, well, they waged on for years. I can now say I'm at the end of those battles and have been piecing together a life since then.

I still don't talk to people about these things, for some reason, I figure others' won't be interested in the story. At least we have some united narrative from our past work lives.

It seems you have quite the dialogue going with Croix, which is great! I'm around, and will try and check in on occasion if you do want to entertain a conversation.

This will get better!

Cheers

reflection

[Croix]

Dear Reflection~

I'm sorry I cant find your first two posts, so I guess I start as if this was it.

Welcome to the Support Forum, it's a place where people have had all sort of experiences, job related PTSD, depression and anxiety being a common one, and one I work my way though too.

I've reached a sort of "armed truce" with my conditions and live a pretty reasonable life - I hope you do too. I was lucky enough to escape the drink, something a lot of my colleagues did not, and think I've probably been a beta tester for most meds as that became available. I've now settled on a set that work, amazing!

You are right, there is "life after police", though its a particularly hard thing to come to terms with, like some other occupations, being a MOTF changes once permanently.

Would you like to say how life has been since you left, and your interests now?

Croix

[Reflection]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for your response. I'm glad you have reached an "armed truce" I like that expression too! It seems you have had your share of ups and downs (based on the medication trials), I'm glad that things seem to be rolling along alright now. I, as you can see, only signed up recently, so I haven't gauged a style to this discussion board yet, still finding my feet.

Life has changed significantly from the pre 'work' days. Cards on the table - the biggest difference is my easy-going nature. I used to be quite an easy-going person, now, not so much. This is coming back, however slowly. I worked out I can't drink - that's my number one thing - I'm too good at it!

I obviously don't want to write too much about myself on an open forum, suffice to say, I'm doing a lot better than I was - I still have my demons and days that I wish didn't happen. I'm still in therapy, and probably will be for life. I don't mind though, I am a bit of an advocate for therapy as a method of healing. I think everyone, regardless of problems, or no, should see a therapist, once a year or so.

Some days are better than others. I'm still pretty down on myself and have pretty low self-worth. I am starting to recognise this, and hope to find my voice again in the years that follow. I lead a fairly busy life (nothing too extravagant) I just don't take much downtime, this is something I'm working on too.

I am trying to be okay with my demons, one thing I've wanted to do is some travelling, present time excluded of course. I haven't been able to do any travelling, I have always wanted to go overseas again (it's been many years) and explore different countries and have different experiences. I'm certainly not agoraphobic, some tendencies, but not all. I just like my comforts - will work on this too. Boy, a lot of things to work on 🙂

How about yourself, would you like to speak a little about yourself. I have read some of your past posts and the like, but I'd like to get a sense of how you're going?

Thanks

Ref

[Croix]

Dear Ref (with a wave to LB)~

Thanks for coming back and talking more, I guess you asked about me so a brief history. Invalided out suicidal, PTSD, depression & anxiety. Been hospitalized, been under therapy (still am), always meds. My saving grace was to find identity and occupation in time as a student, went on the be a uni educator, then something in IT.

Marriage survived (no thanks to me). Finding identity occupation and use made the difference in the long run, so self worth (and thus relationship) improved. Is that enough for now?

I was full of fun, just starting to come back, same as you and being easygoing I guess. I came to the conclusion that the real person is buried in there, and over time, with luck and support, reemerges.

Maybe I misunderstand but the demons and travel I'd not think related. For a short while the senses are overloaded by new sights and sensations, but lying in a strange bed they do return. Thankfully over the years weaker, less frequent and more controllable.

Apart from travel are there things you like and enjoy - look forward to? Also things you are good at (do not have to be earth-shaking)- but give you a sense of accomplishment? I find that helps a lot. Self reward and self esteem for me.

As for right now, the confinement is not my best freind, due to medical conditions and age do not go out, can distort my perception - how are you managing?

There's no particular style to this Forum, you can tell your story, or parts of it or none. I find it helps to give away snippets of my experiences in order to let others know what to expect -peddle hope if I can. Maybe you might just find someone you relate with and understand and will just chat, it's OK.

The basic idea is that this whole place is based upon giving each other support - when we can, which might take a fair while.

Croix

[littleboots]

Hello Croix,

Back again. 🙂

Jane Hawk certainly is a rouge, Dan Kootz fly's off into fantasy sometimes, if it's just a quick trip I'm ok but too far and I'm lost. Sometimes the words leap off the page in a beautiful sequence & I feel known.

Researching bread - yes there is such a thing! Not by colored pkt's btw (rolling eyes) 10,000 yt's cannot be wrong. I've accidentally made the best loaf ever last week. It was, I was certain, destined to be a doorstep. But, I baked it anyway & wow... it was insta worthy, if I had insta that is?? Beautiful wide, but not wild crumb, moist & a tasty crust. Now to repeat my mistake? and make another.. sigh.. almost eaten it all. Getting into a routine with the making, saving money, diverting gaze from the wider world. Must be a good thing somehow?

Smiling mind app?

Cats do have a knack for re purposing humans - you're lucky doorman & butler is all they've done.

I've had a look around for programs re training for volunteers - not found the right place yet. Maybe I can do a TAFE course? I'm serious about finding & doing it.

Cannot find an advocate re NDID. Covid seems to have shut down ppl's minds & as well as places to go.

Currently helping an acquaintance rebuild her life following a r'ship break. Accommodation, reassurance & finding her own way fwd - leading through the cloud of pain. Big things, broken down into little steps. We seem to have found approp., accom., at last, so another step to independence achieved. I remember how she felt. I thought I'd shut empathy down but apparently I still have some. That surprised me. I managed to keep the demons down too.

Doing T via laptop. How are you doing yours?

What are you doing to adapt to the new way fwd re covid?

I'm reading 'Six minutes' by Australian author Petronella McGovern. (sounds like a mozzie repellant?) A pseudonym? hope it is. Anyway, I'm a few chpt's in. It's very 'Gone girl' style in narration. Each chapter is written from the perspective of one of the characters. Predictable? I think I know who 'done' it already. Fairly clumsy but will press on. It's her first novel so giving it a chance.

Taking my dog for a walk 90 mins a day. You cannot do that with cats he he.. Pool is still closed, the chlorinated water ok but the surrounds, dangerous. Body is aching for movement. Taking pain meds. Didn't understand how many injuries I carried & for what? Is anyone better off? Damn them all...

Hope you're well & taking care Croix,

Regards,

LB

[Croix]

Dear LB~

I think reading Jane Hawk's exploits is one thing, Bella's disappearance is another and a bit too real. I too find at times the words leap off the page, conjurers of incidents that should have been put to rest decades ago, G.F.Newman's work being one good example

I stick to the happy fantasy worlds for the most part.

Now you are trying to convince me the the intricacies of producing something fattening and every-day is a high art, with successes to dream of and failures that are consigned to utilitarian household objects.

Seriously if you do it well and gain satisfaction, a great thing, important.

My Nain (Welsh Grandmother) made barra brith, a sort of loaf which could not decide if it was a cake or not, and I remember it fondly.

Training for volunteers, I found that came incidental to the job I was doing. That's not to say I did not look for the pitfalls, however my latest venture was peer work, which you can do at TAFE, though you might find alternative cheaper routs.

Lifeline does a lot of training in all sots of mental health fields , some nationally accredited, perhaps a talk with their training department might be of use.

Yes I'm using a laptop ATM as it allows me to be in front of the wood fire. Sadly my spelling, and all the rest takes a nosedive doing things this way -sigh

There is a difference between empathy and suspicion/lack of trust. The first you are born with , the second, inspired by PTSD and related matters is imposed over it, but does fade. I felt for my partner when I was being beastly -go figure.

I guess you are finding, when dealing with your friend, the effects of illness are wearing thin in places, encouraging -at least it was for me.

Cats do not go for walks, they acquire freehold title to bed and sofa, and that's the end of the matter. Actually Sumo follows my wife around in the garden out of pure curiosity, quite dog-like in a way.

I too am missing the exercise I need and temper and medication levels rise.

Yes the world is better off. Your injuries, mental and physical, are a price we all pay to live in comparative security from rampant dishonesty and violence. Your wounds buy a livable country. That price is extracted from some more that others - unfair. You know this. But you made the world fairer as I said.

Croix (who if he sees a house surrounded by door-stops will have his suspicions over the identity of the occupant)

[littleboots]

Hello Reflection,

Thank you for writing to me here. I'm very pleased to converse with you. I'm new here too & really except for a very few moments I contain myself here on this thread. I don't want to sound elitist but it's really wonderful having our own particular little corner to meet. I feel understood here?

In someways I don't need to know a lot about you from one perspective because pretty much I know the training, the organisation & perhaps little known & well known idiosyncrasies of it.

I understand when one finds themselves no longer useful to it, the organisation has it's own particular way of dispensing with you & how demeaning, de-humanising and destructive the whole process is. ugh... I've been there & in some ways I'm still dealing with it all, via reviews. I'm glad you're on the way out of that process Reflections. Hopefully knowing your financial situation is a little more settled will lead to other good outcomes too?

In other ways though, our own individual experiences are completely unique to us. We may have the same or similar dx but it manifests in so many different ways. So I too, along with Croix would be interested, if you want to say more. But only if you want to, otherwise skipping along on other stuff is fine too. It's still so good to 'meet'.

I'm really sorry it's taken me two entire weeks to respond. I've got cabin fever & I feel compelled to say, a non covid virus lol... Plus & lot of pain? Maybe the rainy weather causes it.. getting old...?

Also I've been helping someone who's very dependent on support dealing with a b/up & it's exhausting. Thankfully I'm at the end now. Being relied on, at that intensity, isn't something I'm used to anymore.

So glad I am not going to have that happen to me (waving at you Croix lol) I break up with myself almost daily at times. Don't need another person to tell me I'm wrecked & walk away. ..sigh..

Come back & tell me what you've been doing to keep afloat Reflections. Another soul travelling through this mire is always welcome.

My latest addiction is online jigsaw puzzles.. I know - found a new low right? Waiting for a program to tell me I'm doing ok has got to be so unhealthy??!

But also, I've got a lovely dog whom I feel obliged to exercise daily & in return loves me despite it all.

Take care & I'll check in to see if you return Reflections,

Littleboots