Please can someone help me

[Sharonne]

Hi,

I have had a bad life and feel no matter how hard I try I always screw up eventually and no i’m In a spot where once again I have failed.

I just don’t know why I can’t improve myself and stay that way.

i have had to deal with violence and sexual & attempted sexual abuse growing up and then domestic violence as an adult. While I have managed to get away from those circumstances I keep finding ways to screw up my life.

I struggle a lot with weight, keeping on track with finances and now my relationship is failing.

I am not enjoying my job and suffer from anxiety a lot but wonder if perhaps I’m falling into depression. It seems to be hard to find a good Counsellor that is available more than once a month.

My young son has some health and mental issues that I now also have to deal with.

I have now gotten to the stage where I just cry and avoid going to work. I have to avoid billers as well as never have the money on time as have been spending it in all the wrong places and don’t realise until it’s too late.

I am trying but need help, can anyone point me in the right direction please as I have 3 kids left at home that need me to get myself sorted.

[bindi-QLD]

Hi Sharonne,

Hon, I just wanted to say you've done really well, raising 3 children, and holding down a job and relationship, considering you have all kinds of anxiety from multiple kinds of child abuse. Please give yourself some credit for all the things you are doing right; its not at all easy to lead a normal life with so much emotional stress to pull you down.

Regarding the financial, relationship, family and work issues, all of those can be figured out. Please don't panic.

A lot of people get very stressed about collections people, and want to hide. That sort of pressure does often lead to mental health issues, from depression to spending too much. Those are known to be the two most common mental health problems when people get into financial difficulty.

I've helped a really good friend of mine through it, and my partner as well. They were both so stressed they could barely function. You can just reach your limit, can't you? If you are feeling too anxious to speak to Collections, you can have a representative make the repayment plans for you. Your partner, an accountant or legal representative can do that for you. My partner used his accountant for that.

There are other important ways to relieve anxiety. I got my partner to take a walk with me every day when he was crippled from his financial stress, that really helped us both. And his doctor advised him to try to stay in the moment, it was excellent advice... When worrying thoughts about the future or past come into your head, try to push them away. Breath, Look around, see that you are safe, notice beautiful things. Its not easy, but it does really help.

I realize there are other things going on in your life, but I feel if you tackle these financial things, it will take a load off. And try to find the strength and courage to go to work, it will make things easier in the short term.

Have you tried talking to your GP about your stress? You can book a double appointment, and just talk. A good GP is usually very happy to do that for you. He may suggest something for your stress, which could include medication if you need it.

Anyway I really feel for you, please don't panic, ok? I really feel there's a lot you can do to make your situation better, just one step at a time.

X

[Vandelta]

Hi Sharonne,

I'll just start by saying I agree wholeheartedly with Bindi. I just have one dog and myself to care for and sometimes that feels like a lot so kudos for you for raising three children who I am sure you are very proud of!

It sounds like you have a LOT of stressors and things going on in your life that feel overwhelming. Talking to other here or in real life is a good first step.

Can I make a suggestion that may help clear your head a little and focus your thoughts? Get yourself a cup of tea, a quiet space for two hours and large Piece of paper.

Now write down all the areas in your life you want to work on. You might put a heading for Finance and then several bullet points that show the main areas that are causing you the most distress. Then relationships, work etc. It might look like a lot but that's ok - we just want all the stress from your head to be in one place for now.

Now go back and write next to each bullet point what you need to help you. Maybe some you won't know yet, that's ok.

This will probably take time and might mentally drain you, so put it away for now and set a time tomorrow when you come back and look again.

Tomorrow, take it out and Ask yourself what is the one biggest stressor for you? All your going to do tomorrow is do one thing toward helping that go away. Just one. Maybe it's Googling credit card consolidation. Maybe it's setting an appointment with your HR manager. If you want to do more, great. If not, that's fine - just use a green marker to write down what positive action you did for the day.

Next Day, do the same. Just one small thing. That's it.

And the next.

Baby steps.

[Sharonne]

Thank you Bindi and Vebdelta

i really appreciate your words.

it’s been a hard week and now the loniless is setting in, mostly at night once kids go to bed and I just want to eat which is not going to help.

i have been to speak to a counsellor and I am stuck in a cycle of spending money and eating to make myself feel good but am struggling to stop.

i have a big week of work this week but will need to have something in place to stop me next week from eating too much and too much of the wrong things and from spending money that I don’t have.

i appreciate your support.

[quirkywords]

Hi Sharonne,

Thanks for replying.

Vandelta and Bindi have given you some caring and helpful advice.

I also feel you have achieved much in spite of your difficult past . You are ding your best with your work and your three children.

I tend to comfort eat and it can be difficult but the fact you aware you do this and want to change is a huge step forward. I find distraction and exercise a good distraction from overeating. Chose and exercise you enjoy . I like walking .

Having said that yo need to have worked through with the counsellor what triggers your eating , before these other steps will work,

This is just my opinion and it may not work for you.

I am glad you have spoken to a counsellor and hopefully this will help you to achieve your aims.

Keep posting here if you want to. Thi is a very supportive place.

Quirky

[Copacabana]

Hello Sharonne, I would like to add to the advice you have been given if I may. My local Community Centre has, I think monthly, a financial advisor that visits to give assistance to people who have a problem with their finances whether small or big. These sessions are entirely free. They help you budget, save, etc. They are brilliant as they are experts in their field and will help even with your taxes and advice on Credit Card debt. I am sure your community centre has the same service.

Likewise, these centres have all sorts of exercise classes from easy onwards. These are affordable as they are mostly a set price of $5.00. There are classes everyday as well as some in the evenings. This is a great way to find and make friends.

There are many local government services around at very little or no cost. It pays to check them out. Start with your local council and see what community services are available. This is also great for your children as some councils organize 'day out' for families.

I am sure that once you take part and get involved with community exercises/outings there will be no stopping you. So all it takes is the first step. Good luck and let us know how you go.

Copacabana

[Sharonne]

Thank you again for the advice.

I got through my big week of work and today is payday but feels like a waste of time because even though I have worked very hard I still don’t have enough to pay all the bills owing.

makes me want to just go and buy take away and chocolates.

Arghhhh I really do not like this time of the fortnight.

since I have separated from my partner now, I have applied to get assistance from Centrelink but it takes 33 days for it to be processed, not sure how to make it through until then.

Am going to the doctor today as now i’m So stressed I can’t sleep and have a killer migraine today.

On the upside I signed up to do a free park run every second Saturday with 2 of my kids. But still struggle to get motivated to do anything else.

i will check the local council and see what there is.

‘Thank you everyone but still feeling useless and worthless at this stage.

[Copacabana]

Hi Sharonne,

Glad you are doing the free park run every second Saturday. This is very positive along with you getting financial help from Centrelink. Your life as it progresses will get easier and more organised. It is so difficult to manage finances (or the lack of), children, a break up, work life.... you have a lot on your plate!!

You have taken the first steps and both are a priority. Congratulations! The rest will come in time as your situation gets better.

I would not worry too much about losing weight. Focus rather on eating better...healthier... eat lots of salads, vegetables and fruit. Lay off if you can, chips and take away food. Try and walk for half an hour each day. Remember that when you exercise, you dont feel hungry as much. Also your mood will improve and you will gain a general sense of wellbeing. Exercise fights depression too. As you feel better about yourself, the weight will come off when you least expect it.

Can't wait to hear of your continued progress. Keep us posted.

X

Copacabana

[imtwosad]

all day long i feel the same 

hi my name is jack

[_Jay_24]

Has that day ended... are you in a better place now Jack?