Not coping today

[Universling]

Been triggered all day today. Couldn't relax. Started panicking. Felt so abused and so powerless. This trigger happened and it continued to cause me stress all day. I'm still trying to relax. I got angry with the trigger, I had verbal outbursts, I got scared and I felt alone and powerless and defeated and it ruined my whole day. I feel like I've been thrown around all day. I have a mental health plan I got from my doctor but I never followed up with it because this other counsellor rang me but she is a womens health counsellor and I really need to see the psychologist on the plan who can help me with this. This is not something I can cope with. When I'm not triggered, I'm fine. But the trigger is something unavoidable at the moment so I'm having really bad reactions to it. I definitely want to see the psychologist now as its gotten to that stage. I will put on a nice movie to take my mind off this horrible day I have had all day. I just want to cry and I am not one to cry easily anymore, even when I need to. I was so stressed from this horrible trigger all day that I couldn't sit just distract myself with something else as it was impossible to concentrate on anything else. The trigger reaction was so huge. I am hanging in there to see this psychologist. And if I keep having this trigger reaction I probably need some medication to calm me down to feel safe again. I don't feel safe when I am triggered. I get really scared. Its awful.

[White_Rose]

Dear Bella

Welcome to the forum. So pleased you have found your way here and have the courage to tell us your story.

Croix has said your mom is dealing with your news probably in the only way she can. The news about your dad is a lot to take in and then your story has added to the burden. This is not meant to discourage you from talking because I believe it is important. I want to help you understand a little how your mom feels.

I cannot add much to Croix reply except to endorse his comments. I believe you really need some professional help to get through this abuse. Now you have told your parents can you ask mom to go with you to see your GP? This is the first port of call to getting help. Your doctor will know the steps to take and will help start your journey to healing. In the meantime please continue to post in to the BB forum. I want to suggest you start a thread of your own. Both you and Universling have serious situations to manage. Your story will be read by those who want to post to Universling but not by others who could relate to you but do not see what you have posted. Does that make sense to you? Put your thread in PTSD & Trauma where it belongs and where it will be seen by more people who can relate to it.

Please take this as a serious attempt to find others who will relate to your story. You have not done anything wrong. On the contrary you have been very courageous in posting at all. Let's put your thread where it will be seen by those who can relate most. Copy your post and and use it to start a new thread.

Mary

[ecomama]

Hey Universling

Well done for getting through the past 2 days with awful triggers / PTSD reactions.

I needed a specialist psychologist this year to "rid" the PTSD triggers from my mind and life.
I still have the memories but not the awful tumbling full surround sound and visual triggers associated with PTSD. My psych used CBT and exposure therapy then taught me how to do it on my own and I am so relieved I sought this help.

My thread 'new person' explains each session and my feelings about them.

I'm sorry Universling but I feel the need to respond to Bella next.
I'll come back to see how you're going.

Much Love
EM

[ecomama]

Dear Bella

A really warm WELCOME to the forums. I'm so glad you reached out here and I'm extremely sorry for what you've gone through and what you're going through now.

I'm a mum who's children were sexually abused and I really feel for you sweetheart, with your mum not being able to cope right now.

This is NOT YOUR fault.
None of it is your fault.
You are a child and no one should do anything like this to anyone let alone a child.

I gently urge you to contact 1800RESPECT. They are SO BRILLIANT.
I have phoned them SO many times.

One of my children reported straight to the Court.
I am so proud of her that she did.

I had no idea this was happening.

I am so glad the Police got involved immediately.
Counselling and psychologists appointments have been free for my children since reporting.

You can phone a helpline anonymously if you are too afraid of telling your name.
It's OKAY but you need more support than you're getting atm.

I also invite you to begin your own thread so we can all give you ongoing support here on the forums.

Please pop back and let us know how you're going.

Love EM

[White_Rose]

Hello Universling

A warm welcome to the forum although a little belated. Like many others I can relate to being triggered and knowing I have to go through that horrible process of getting past it. I also forgot which coping mechanisms I had until someone suggested I make a list and put it on the fridge. Every time I opened the fridge door it would remind me I had these ways of coping and made it made it easier to go straight to one of the options. It's good you have realised how your yoga music helps you.

I find scrapbooking a way to focus on something good and enjoyable. I am making scrapbooks for my eight grandchildren so you can imagine there is lots to do. I think it will help me cope for some time.

Like you I got very angry when reminded of one dreadful event and I get angry, yell in the privacy of my home, and feel powerless to do anything about it. This has been compounded by not being allowed to make a complaint. The periods between being triggered are getting longer and my grief is not so intense and raw as it once was. It is unfortunately the way this works. We cannot deal with it fully in one go even though we try hard and want it to go away. I think it is part of accepting what has happened and that is hard.

Accepting what has happened means being able to look at the event from an objective point of view and being able to put it to one side. Not easy because we do so often feel guilty so all the regret feelings resurface even when we were not at fault. It is sad when we are at fault but rarely is this a deliberate way to hurt someone. We do need to forgive ourselves.

How do we do this? Sit and deliberately look at the event for a specified time like 30 minutes. Examine what happened in as dispassionate a way as possible. It does get easier. What have you learned? What will help to avoid a similar situation in future? Use a timer to tell you when the 30 minutes have elapsed then get up and move away from that spot. Try to have a physical activity to follow on from this.

How do you feel about this process? My doctor taught me this and I was appalled at the thought of deliberately putting myself in such an uncomfortable place. But she was right, it has been a way to get past this. I still find myself triggered but there are longer intervals and less intensity. I hope this helps.

Mary

[Universling]

Thanks Mary for sharing what you have found helpful:)

Universling