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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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ecomama C-PTSD diagnosis pending - unsure how I feel about it
  • replies: 2

Dear BBers It looks like the diagnosis of C-PTSD will be made official pretty soon for me. I was diagnosed 'off-the-books' with it by a Head Psychologist about 2-3 years ago. I know the reasons they did that and I thank them for it. I attend Counsell... View more

Dear BBers It looks like the diagnosis of C-PTSD will be made official pretty soon for me. I was diagnosed 'off-the-books' with it by a Head Psychologist about 2-3 years ago. I know the reasons they did that and I thank them for it. I attend Counselling weekly or less depending on my 'state' I will call it. I have improved but now I am stuck. I have had all day to think about the diagnosis and what it means. It's made it all real now. Before I could pretend perhaps. To the recent psychologists I spoke with, it was a no brainer lol. Black and white comment there. No grey areas I can fiddle with lol. A close friend, who is a psychologist also lol and known me for 30y, gently suggested a few weeks ago that I really needed a tailored, specialist PTSD therapy. That counselling was not enough. Also that there was some evidence that I was dissociating. She was terrified that I could become worse. Later I told said friend that I had begun using the language I speak with, to re-integrate myself and attend to my 'inner child' so to speak. That was met with silence. I also said that I would search for a therapist who specialised in trauma and PTSD, then she sounded a sigh of relief lol. She is SO HAPPY today. eye roll lol. I have a list of specialist psychs now and will start 'interviewing' them, that was the suggestion! There may be long wait lists too. I promise myself that I will take the first appointment with chosen one and I will MAKE a choice. I cried when it was kindly said to me today, again. I really don't want to have the label that so many other valiant and brave trauma survivors have. I feel like I'm being rude, greedy, arrogant IDK, just insulting to them. I want them to have everything they could possibly need, all the time. If I could just hide away and keep myself safe then I can evaporate from that PTSD scene.. But I can't. It's beyond manageable now. I want to get better. I want that for my children, my beautiful faithful friends and myself. The myself is hard to say. My pets is even easier lol. I'm really scared. I'm scared to tell a psych everything. It's so much. It's entirely unbelievable. But it all happened, so it is what it is. If anyone has had any measures of success with a specific kind of PTSD approach, could you please share? Thankyou so much xxxxEM

Lady_of_Shallot Coping during relapse of mental health issues
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, this is my first attempt at joining a forum. Really I need somewhere to share .. I cannot function. My head is a fog. I have been through too much. Years of psychological trauma and physical pain. A struggle to find work and to become ca... View more

Hi everyone, this is my first attempt at joining a forum. Really I need somewhere to share .. I cannot function. My head is a fog. I have been through too much. Years of psychological trauma and physical pain. A struggle to find work and to become capable of doing it. The effort to function in any way that could be considered normal leaves me exhausted. I’ve tried my best to be a good mum through all of it. I know at times I have failed. The guilt of this is overpowering. In two years I’ve had to go back to my parents as I could not afford to keep a roof over my own head to trying once again to rent and take care of myself and my daughter. No matter what I do I irritate and upset her. I ask her if she’s ok... try and have conversations and I’m told not now or I’m sleeping or I’m just not interested in talking about that. I clean, pay the bills, shop, do the washing, help with her dog. I share my day or my concerns to try to build a relationship and I’m accused of overloading on her. Twice now she has lost it at me to the point I have snapped emotionally. I’m currently living at my other daughters as I’m no longer welcome in my own home. There is no concern from her towards the impact this has had. Only recriminations and blocking all contact. A process I am sure is to punish me. I cannot cope with her vitriol and anger. In that I am sure I’m completely normal however I am not normal. I have bipolar disorder. I have PTSD. I have survived years of gas lighting and lack of emotional validation that has left me questioning just who I really am. And now I feel trapped into an environment where this time the abuse comes from my own child. Am I really such a bad person that this is deserved. I honestly don’t even know what I did in the weeks leading up to this incident that made her feel so angry towards me. And yet I’m desperately trying to stop myself from reaching out and trying to resolve things. To do what I used to do and take responsibility on me and apologise... even when I know the problem is not me it’s her. I’m homeless again. Not because I don’t have a roof over my head. I’m fortunate to have my daughter and my parents who’ll take me in. But it’s not my home. It’s not the family home I spent 20 years of my life to build. There is no security or sense of achievement. If I had grandkids I’d have nowhere to invite them too. No family home. And no hope of making one. Life just feels so hopeless. I know I need help. But I can’t afford to lose my job.

Somez Is there a grey area for consent?
  • replies: 4

This is my first post and I’d like to thank you for reading and any light you can shed would be most helpful. After some health issues I came to realise and understand that my first sexual experience might not have been fully consensual. I don’t want... View more

This is my first post and I’d like to thank you for reading and any light you can shed would be most helpful. After some health issues I came to realise and understand that my first sexual experience might not have been fully consensual. I don’t want to say I was raped but I question just how much was actually consensual. I was dating this guy who knew I was a virgin and the reason behind me wanting to wait. We were fooling around and it got too intense so I told him I wasn’t ready and that we wouldn’t be having sex any time soon, which he accepted. Two days later when we were fooling around he succeeded. I never said no or told him to stop or anything at all. I just remember laying there and feeling very empty and having all my feelings for him dissipate. It was almost an out of body experience. The relationship didn’t work out for many reasons other than not being able to regain feelings. I regretted allowing him to treat me so poorly but I just accepted the decisions I made while I was with him including him being my first. Fast forward to the beginning of this year and I had a lot of health issues that made me be completely honest with myself. I finally saw everything that happened in a clearer way. I thought by brushing it off and fully taking responsibility of my actions I was doing right by me but now I feel that he groomed me and it felt almost like a mentally abusive relationship. I’m currently in a lot of physical pain and on a lot of pain medications but it’s this realisation that hurts me the most. I don’t know how to feel about what happened. I don’t hate him and don’t have any animosity towards him. I don’t think of him much at all just the actual act itself. Is silence considered consent? I feel like he took advantaged of my trust but I think to him I was fully consenting to the act. I blocked it from my memory and I tried to write another narrative that showed I had the control but I don’t think I ever did. It was something I told myself to sleep better at night. The hardest part for me is not understanding the situation. I’m not even sure if I consented because I didn’t know it was happening and how does one consent to something they’re not aware of? I wish you are all doing well and staying safe during such hard times. Xoxo.

pippi9699 PTSD Depression and no support from my employer
  • replies: 3

Hi, This is my first time posting and I’m hoping that someone can give me advice. I was a victim of an aggravated burglary in my own home and as a result I not only suffered physical but also mental injuries. I suffer from severe PTSD, depression and... View more

Hi, This is my first time posting and I’m hoping that someone can give me advice. I was a victim of an aggravated burglary in my own home and as a result I not only suffered physical but also mental injuries. I suffer from severe PTSD, depression and anxiety and my employer is not at all helpful. Prior to the incident I was working in a processing centre but due to mu injuries I requested a transfer to an office closer to home and I was granted a temp transfer. To get the transfer I had to prove to the executive managers that I was suffering a mental health injury first by attending an appointment with 2 IME’s. I ended up having to take a month off work after suffering a breakdown due to what I perceived as bullying from the execs. The transfer was successful and I found myself working with a lot more supportive staff including the manager but it had its downside as well as there was customer aggression on a weekly basis and I often had triggers from the same type of people I was threaten by in my own home but I was doing well. We had even discussed my staying there on a permanent basis which overall I was happy with. Then a few weeks ago my PTSD and depression spiraled out of control and I had to take another month off work to get myself in a better place. I then get a call from the manager telling me I would have to return to my previous place of work and that they would not allow me to stay there. An hour later I get a call from the previous office with a big list of demands regarding my days and hours, and what’s required in order to negotiate. I have always been part time but had to reduce my hours down even further because of the PTSD and depression. I also have a chronic medical condition which results in severe fatigue, muscle and bone pain, memory and concentration problems add that in with the others and my life is pretty crappy. I honestly don’t know if I can continue fighting not only my demons on a regular basis and now my employer any more. I’m physically and mentally exhausted, I was hoping to try and apply for TPI but with my super fund the hoops you have to jump through are enough to put you off and my rehab consultant told me I was not sick enough to even try. Should I stay and make myself sicker or just give up the ghost and throw in the towel and retire ? I really don’t know how to move forward with this !

Mar8ie Reset button
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am 38, turning 39, female and a bit over three weeks now I left my house and my former partner and faced the virus head on rather then deal with said former partner. So you could say I was a bit desperate. I found myself a safe place to stay at... View more

Hi, I am 38, turning 39, female and a bit over three weeks now I left my house and my former partner and faced the virus head on rather then deal with said former partner. So you could say I was a bit desperate. I found myself a safe place to stay at a backpacker hostel and was in such poor metal and emotional state that I shut down for a few days, which lead to me been reported missing. Once I reassured the Police I was actually ok, it still took me a few days to recover enough to get in back in touch with my sister who has been a massive help. She kept me going even when said former partner started emailing me, trying to get me to come back. The actions he took while I have been gone, from what I've been told, has led to him been arrested. I have been assured that is safe for me now to return home. While I am a little apprehensive, I am hoping that I can reset my life and move forward from here.

ecomama Hopeful new member
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone Sophie suggested I start a new thread, am I posting in the right place? I'm new here. I've been reading some posts for a while now and was too nervous to join. I'm nervous now writing this! But I felt so much of myself being mirrored in t... View more

Hi everyone Sophie suggested I start a new thread, am I posting in the right place? I'm new here. I've been reading some posts for a while now and was too nervous to join. I'm nervous now writing this! But I felt so much of myself being mirrored in the posts here and wanted to join a community where I felt understood. Barely a person can, but it's not their fault lol. I am grateful that others haven't been through same. I posted quite a bit last night and am not familiar with the workings of the site, I will work it out somehow lol. I feel like I wrote so much about myself last night that I don't want to repeat myself but here I go... I have LOTS of children, am a single parent and work more than full time. All of us have experienced far too much trauma for words to ever express. All of us have exhibited signs of PTSD and C-PTSD has been mentioned more than once. We all receive varying amounts of counselling, psychologist support and sometimes a lot of extra support in our places of work and school. It is exhausting seeking and finding a person to trust in getting help in almost every sector for each of us, I have been doing that for decades in one form or another. I have found that no one has all the answers but I really appreciate the people who have tried their best. I am not sure how much to disclose here but basically because I was directed to report to scary sectors, our family can receive free counselling for the rest of our lives. A lot of what we suffered is like a horror movie but worse, we lived it. Those things are in the past for us, hopefully forever, but the memories and dreams are haunting us still. My children sometimes tell me about their frightening memories. I don't know what to do when my children express their own horrors to me but my counsellor said I am doing okay with these moments. I listen. Nod. Hug them. Cry with them. Tell them they are amazing and beautiful. Reinforce that we will NEVER let this be in our lives again. I was completely unaware of the worst things that happened to my children. I have reported my guts out over everything and been in every Court imaginable, almost. I have strong negative views about legal processes. On the flip side I am trying to fit the pieces together of all the things I've learnt to become a happy person. Happiness is SO HARD to get. I settle for contentment if I can find it in moments throughout the day. I try to remember to smile, that's a nice contagion. Thankyou for reading.

Futchy Grieving estrangement from daughter
  • replies: 5

I have a daughter, only child, aged 23. We have been very close her whole life. Possibly too close as I have a history of family abuse during my own childhood and strove to create a loving bond with my daughter. I'm not a perfect parent, but have sup... View more

I have a daughter, only child, aged 23. We have been very close her whole life. Possibly too close as I have a history of family abuse during my own childhood and strove to create a loving bond with my daughter. I'm not a perfect parent, but have supported MG (my girl) throughout her life and built a very close relationship. She has been in a de facto relationship for 2 years with a 24 yo man who has disengaged from his own family, has no friends and seems to have a problem with my daughter's friends. Recently he had upset MG very much and I went to visit, that night she didn't come home and in worry I confronted her BF. My daughter was angry with me and I apologised to her BF later. He however had been pressuring MG to stop having a relationship with me, as he has done with his own family. She has recently decided to distance herself from me. I respect her decision and am trying to just give her space, whilst letting her know I'm here for her. However I'm worried about her as she deals with depression. I'm also very hurt and angry, which I suppose is grief. I'd love some advice on how to distance and detach a little from the parenting relationship, so I can heal my own feelings, without cutting MG off completely. I'm also ending a long term relationship atm, and although we are mostly amicable and I have a new direction re home for myself I'm feeling a bit sad & lost with what is going on. How do I let go??

frost1 I feel so detached
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I’m new to this forum. I kind of just need someone to talk to. Everyone here seems nice so I figured I’d make this post. I always feel alone and unable to connect with people. Since high school I’ve been having problems with social interacti... View more

Hi guys, I’m new to this forum. I kind of just need someone to talk to. Everyone here seems nice so I figured I’d make this post. I always feel alone and unable to connect with people. Since high school I’ve been having problems with social interactions. I talk fine with my family and very close friends, but with others my mind usually goes blank and I lose track of the conversation. Other times I know what I want to say and I keep repeating it in my head but it just doesn’t come out. I moved to a new place five months ago and it got worse because I don’t get to talk much with my family and close friends anymore. I’ve had online friendships but I failed to maintain them. I feel so detached from everyone. People are generally nice to me but I feel like all I ever do is disappointing them. I used to be fun and social when I was younger, how did I turn into this? I have so much I want to share and talk about. I crave to connect with people. But I don’t know how to make a change..

Kazbell Drowning in Depression
  • replies: 2

I have suffered this for over 30 years, but have never had it as bad as this. Married to an alcoholic for 25 years who has emotionally and psychologically abused me and our 16yo daughter to the point where she has freaked out so bad that we had to ca... View more

I have suffered this for over 30 years, but have never had it as bad as this. Married to an alcoholic for 25 years who has emotionally and psychologically abused me and our 16yo daughter to the point where she has freaked out so bad that we had to call police to take her to hospital. While there they questioned me about his alcoholism and i finally broke down and told them everything going on, daughter and i both gave statements and the following day husband was served with a family violence intervention order and removed from house. Our court case was last Thursday and i was not allowed to attend as it was police who served not me. He was given a 6 month complete no communication order. Now i find my self grieving as if he has died, i am unable to stop crying, have missed days off work and am unable to cope in anyway...i just want to talk to him, explain not my fault and i want him home...i am in physical pain and feel i cannot go on without him...i miss him, his presence and i do not know how to get past this, i cannot cope, i need him back...i know i need help but live rural vic so no immediate help at hand. Have tried helplines but seem to get "i inderstand" types...i need aggressive help now...be here with me...if anyone can help or offer support please do. Thanks

borders PTSD and anxiety getting worse as I get older
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I am new to this type of forum. I am in my mid 50s and have a PTSD, depression and anxiety. I guess in some ways I am high functioning but everyone I work with and those who 'know me' call me too sensitive. My childhood was full of domestic... View more

Hi there, I am new to this type of forum. I am in my mid 50s and have a PTSD, depression and anxiety. I guess in some ways I am high functioning but everyone I work with and those who 'know me' call me too sensitive. My childhood was full of domestic violence and physical and emotional abuse towards me and my siblings by my father. He was an incredibly violent alcoholic. For years I thought my upbringing was normal. Also, for years, therapists tried to tell me it wasn't. Over the past 5 years my anxiety has increased a hundred fold. I was being bullied in two different workplaces and my PTSD is currently being triggered by a charge being brought against a close friend. A nephew took his own life 4 years ago and a niece has been in and out of hospital with drug induced psychosis. I am really upset for my friend as I know they would never do what they are accused of. My case was a little different. I managed my traumatic upbringing by becoming a party girl and I did something stupid when drunk. I no longer drink and haven't for quite a while but this has followed me around all these years as it has impacted my employment. When I tell people they just laugh but to me it wasn't funny. Now my friend is being accused of something terrible and I know exactly how he would be feeling. He has also now expressed that he doesn't want to live anymore. I really feel for him but there is nothing I can do to help except listen. My GP recently put me on anti-depressants and I was referred to a psychologist but they never rang. (where I live you have to wait for their call). I am isolated as working from home and my partner works away. I seem t have constant flashbacks of all of the stupid things I did in my 20s and I feel like I have wasted my life. I have constant anxiety and I don't want to return to work (where I was bullied) when the restrictions lift but we need the money and I need the job. I feel like a failure even though form the outside people think my life looks great. All of this triggered by the issue my friend is going through. I can't talk to my partner as he can't cope with when I am not 'coping'. I just don't know what to do. I am exercising, eating healthily, trying to focus on other things but I am consumed by fear for my friend. If anyone reads this I am sorry that it is all over the place.