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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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borders PTSD and anxiety getting worse as I get older
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I am new to this type of forum. I am in my mid 50s and have a PTSD, depression and anxiety. I guess in some ways I am high functioning but everyone I work with and those who 'know me' call me too sensitive. My childhood was full of domestic... View more

Hi there, I am new to this type of forum. I am in my mid 50s and have a PTSD, depression and anxiety. I guess in some ways I am high functioning but everyone I work with and those who 'know me' call me too sensitive. My childhood was full of domestic violence and physical and emotional abuse towards me and my siblings by my father. He was an incredibly violent alcoholic. For years I thought my upbringing was normal. Also, for years, therapists tried to tell me it wasn't. Over the past 5 years my anxiety has increased a hundred fold. I was being bullied in two different workplaces and my PTSD is currently being triggered by a charge being brought against a close friend. A nephew took his own life 4 years ago and a niece has been in and out of hospital with drug induced psychosis. I am really upset for my friend as I know they would never do what they are accused of. My case was a little different. I managed my traumatic upbringing by becoming a party girl and I did something stupid when drunk. I no longer drink and haven't for quite a while but this has followed me around all these years as it has impacted my employment. When I tell people they just laugh but to me it wasn't funny. Now my friend is being accused of something terrible and I know exactly how he would be feeling. He has also now expressed that he doesn't want to live anymore. I really feel for him but there is nothing I can do to help except listen. My GP recently put me on anti-depressants and I was referred to a psychologist but they never rang. (where I live you have to wait for their call). I am isolated as working from home and my partner works away. I seem t have constant flashbacks of all of the stupid things I did in my 20s and I feel like I have wasted my life. I have constant anxiety and I don't want to return to work (where I was bullied) when the restrictions lift but we need the money and I need the job. I feel like a failure even though form the outside people think my life looks great. All of this triggered by the issue my friend is going through. I can't talk to my partner as he can't cope with when I am not 'coping'. I just don't know what to do. I am exercising, eating healthily, trying to focus on other things but I am consumed by fear for my friend. If anyone reads this I am sorry that it is all over the place.

Island11 Feeling hopeless
  • replies: 4

I have wanted to leave my relationship for some time now but it all came to a head 2 weeks ago. My partner saw me and tried to initiate sex. I said I didn’t want to because I still had to put the kids to bed. I wasn’t interested. He pressed the issue... View more

I have wanted to leave my relationship for some time now but it all came to a head 2 weeks ago. My partner saw me and tried to initiate sex. I said I didn’t want to because I still had to put the kids to bed. I wasn’t interested. He pressed the issue and we had sex anyway. Of course one by one the kids came in as small children do. He stopped each time and threw a blanket over us and told the kids to get out. I was feeling humiliated. The third time we were interrupted I walked away and he got angry with our daughter because of it. I scooped her up and took her to my bed. The next morning I asked if he thought his behaviour was respectful to anyone in the house that night. He said “well you were having sex with me too” I told him I was breaking up with him. That I didn’t love him. For 2 days he seemed to accept it and then went back to normal. I broke up with him again 2 days ago over the phone. We discussed dividing assets etc. and then he came home and said let’s find you a hobby, you aren’t coping at home with the kids. I don’t work, I look after our 3 kids (all under 5). The accountant has allocated part of his earnings to me so my tax returns looks like I have earned $200,000 a year so I am not entitled to any support from Centrelink. He won’t move out, or accept the breakup and I have no access to funds to leave. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat, not eating, drinking wine which I shouldn’t because I take medication for anxiety and hiding in my wardrobe or the laundry for 10 mins to get away from the noise. The situation feels like it will never get better and I wonder why I can’t cope when everyone else around me seems fine. All I want to do is fall apart but I know I can’t do that because my kids need me.

CatLadyInTraining Emotional deprivation/ childhood emotional neglect
  • replies: 10

Hello, this is my first post but I’ve been reading the forum for a while. as background, I am in ongoing therapy for my anorexia, and associated depression and anxiety. I’m working with my therapist to uncover the underlying issues to my AN. we have ... View more

Hello, this is my first post but I’ve been reading the forum for a while. as background, I am in ongoing therapy for my anorexia, and associated depression and anxiety. I’m working with my therapist to uncover the underlying issues to my AN. we have uncovered a history of emotional deprivation / childhood emotional neglect - as my parents in turn did not receive emotional support from their parents and never learned these things themselves. It was a huge shock to me to realise this in my past as I had been completely unaware of it at the time, thinking I’d had a ‘perfect’ childhood and ‘perfect’ parents who gave me everything I needed. so to the point: when i am feeling emotional pain or distress, I find that it is NOT helpful for others (friends, therapist, GP etc) to offer reassurance or to remind me that I’m doing well or that it will get better soon. This makes me feel so invalidated and I’ve had to train my support people not to use those more common techniques. I am learning to identify and validate my own emotions as true and real. So I need them to exist, as they are, as difficult as they may be. It’s been very difficult for my support people to learn this. is there anyone else here who has suffered similar CEN experiences have a similar response to people trying to make you feel better? Since CEN is invisible/ defined by what DIDN’T happen I can’t find others to share my experience with so thought I’d try here. thank you. I look forward to posting more in the community and supporting others if I can.

HopefulMum88 Slow rollercoaster of ups and downs.
  • replies: 3

Since child hood I feel like my life has been a slow roller coaster of ups and downs, Abusive narsistic mother, absent father, long term out of love relationship with first 2 children's father, cheated in and left me. Currently in a 4 year relationsh... View more

Since child hood I feel like my life has been a slow roller coaster of ups and downs, Abusive narsistic mother, absent father, long term out of love relationship with first 2 children's father, cheated in and left me. Currently in a 4 year relationship that was abusive for the first 3 years due to him being an ice addict he is the father of my 3rd child. Things are better with him now after a 12 month restraining order and lots and lots of rehab and therapy for him. Ive been on my own for over a year trying to raise and do right by my 3 children but the house is always a ride off, the kids are always up late, my daughter is falling behind at school she's showing signs of ADHD and high functioning autism. I should have gotten help along time ago for the trauma I've been through then chucked away alone to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and life and now everyone's pointing the finger at me for why my life and my kids are and is all over the show. I wish I'd done something about myself sooner but I haven't and here I am with everyone blaming me cause I should have got my shit together sooner. Im feeling pretty shattered tonight. Am I way off base with the way I'm thinking or do I have some sort of point or reasoning to where my head's at with this? Theres so much more to my story but that's the basics of it. And we're still dealing with the fall outs and consequences of all the mistakes made over the years I feel like it's never ending.

Madaline Grieving an abusive parent
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am new to this site. I am going through the loss of a parent and it is complex as they were abusive all through my childhood and I hadn't had contact with them in years. Seeing her in hospital was tremendously traumatic as I wasn't even rem... View more

Hi all, I am new to this site. I am going through the loss of a parent and it is complex as they were abusive all through my childhood and I hadn't had contact with them in years. Seeing her in hospital was tremendously traumatic as I wasn't even remotely prepared for how I felt. I thought I would be cold, even a little relieved as there has never been a connection, but now I am just so incredibly sad and shattered and added to that the memories of what happened. Am I sounding stupid? How do I unravel all of this when I don't even know why I am feeling this grief for someone who did nothing but make my life hell? Thankyou

Universling Feeling sad
  • replies: 2

Woke up feeling sad. Last night wrote about my whole life but didn't post it and the reality of my life has just left me broken and sad. I never cry, but this morning crying and just so sad. Being stuck in a town I don't even like but had to move her... View more

Woke up feeling sad. Last night wrote about my whole life but didn't post it and the reality of my life has just left me broken and sad. I never cry, but this morning crying and just so sad. Being stuck in a town I don't even like but had to move here for housing affordability was trying to get out of here but then the pandemic happened and now I'm stuck here longer. I have no friends here, I have nothing here. Where I'm going has everything I need to fulfil me but thanks to this pandemic even if I was there I wouldn't be able to do anything. So stuck in here all alone. Broken and sad.

Universling Trauma stress
  • replies: 3

Been suffering in silence. Severely traumatized. Triggers are like a button that gets pushed and I have a really bad reaction. I've endured a lifetime of narcissistic abuse from my parents and brother and sisters. I've been silenced with mental illne... View more

Been suffering in silence. Severely traumatized. Triggers are like a button that gets pushed and I have a really bad reaction. I've endured a lifetime of narcissistic abuse from my parents and brother and sisters. I've been silenced with mental illness. I've been targeted by the worst of the worst. I've been assaulted in every form. I've had to fight for everything only to be stripped of everything that is my own. I am a destroyed person, yet I do everything I can to look after myself. I have lost my child to a family of narcissists who have poisoned her mind with lies since she was only 14. I haven't seen her for 11 years. They smeared my reputation they tell everyone I'm crazy, not that I give what their friends think of me as their friends are narcissists too. I've had close calls in my life with a psychopath and an addict and a gangstalking cult. I was harmed and my mother silenced me.

Universling Universling
  • replies: 2

Fear from reaching out about narcissistic abuse

Fear from reaching out about narcissistic abuse

ECM Physical Symptoms
  • replies: 3

Hi all, this is my first thread. Currently in one of the worst depressive/anxiety episodes I’ve ever been in. I am also suffering with terrible physical symptoms which include constant stomach upsets. I’m interested to know what others who suffer thi... View more

Hi all, this is my first thread. Currently in one of the worst depressive/anxiety episodes I’ve ever been in. I am also suffering with terrible physical symptoms which include constant stomach upsets. I’m interested to know what others who suffer this find to eat that assists?

Jasman1971 My wife is violent
  • replies: 9

Hi 1 my wife has mental health issues and has abused me mentally and physically and emotionally for years. I have confided in a few but never told anyone the whole truth. I told myself it would get better but has got worse. I don’t care for me anymor... View more

Hi 1 my wife has mental health issues and has abused me mentally and physically and emotionally for years. I have confided in a few but never told anyone the whole truth. I told myself it would get better but has got worse. I don’t care for me anymore but am afraid for my daughter and stepson. She is a loving wife when she is good but when she thinks too much she will destroy , burn , break or smash anything she thinks will hurt me . I want to leave her now but afraid of how she might react. My business has suffered and is not good, owe a lot to the ato due to this. I want to leave but need some advise on how to leave without sending me bankrupt.I know she loves the children but I am concerned she may hurt them by mistake, so I want to keep my daughter and stepson to protect them. How do I leave without all I have left being burned to the ground ? ..