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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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DontBlink182 An open introduction - I'm an open book after all.
  • replies: 1

Hey there all, I will start with a bit of traumatic history, I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse that lasted about 8 years. I was raped by my first two serious boyfriends in my teen years. I thought I had finally found a decent guy with my ex-h... View more

Hey there all, I will start with a bit of traumatic history, I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse that lasted about 8 years. I was raped by my first two serious boyfriends in my teen years. I thought I had finally found a decent guy with my ex-husband, but it quickly turned ugly 6 months into it. He began manipulating me, psychologically, emotionally and mentally abusing it - triggering flashbacks and making me feel absolute putrid claiming "I liked being abused - every minute of it". I ended up breaking free of him but only after agreeing to leave our daughter with him (rather than being homeless with a toddler) - he still has her and won't let me see her, she's now 11. I was homeless for 3 years, turned to alcohol for comfort. I couch-surfed, barely held grips with my reality, went out clubbing every weekend - then I got pregnant off a one night stand... oops. I was still homeless at that point. My mother took me back in (my ex was living with her til 2 months prior - yea don't get me started on the fact I was homeless and he wasn't) at 8 months pregnant, by which point I met my current partner. Was originally diagnosed with depression in 2008, and the Doc said I was most likely suffering since I was 11 (when I learned I was being abused). Knew I had it by then, but refused medication as I just had a baby and was breastfeeding. Got diagnosed again in 2015 and she claimed I had "Chronic Depression and Severe PTSD" and I am now on antidepressant medication which works for the most part. Up until today I hadn't known about Complex PTSD but it seems to fit my symptoms and trauma more. Is there such thing as having a double form of PTSD? I haven't had the best trot, and occassionally my partner reminds me of my ex which triggers flashbacks - had a full blown attack last night, the worst in a long time. I so tired of being tired and unmotivated. I have 3 daughters now, my ex still has my oldest as I mentioned, and I have my 7 year old with ASD and my 5 year old with Down Syndrome. They can be great, but draining to look after. Anyways, that's my god-awful story. Look forward to meeting some people. PS. Call me Emjay!

Jimothybobbert Lack of control
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm writing, sitting at home taken the day off work because it's one of those days. I've been having trouble dealing with my trauma. I was psychologically, physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child by my father and my trigger is anyt... View more

Hi, I'm writing, sitting at home taken the day off work because it's one of those days. I've been having trouble dealing with my trauma. I was psychologically, physically, emotionally and sexually abused as a child by my father and my trigger is anything that involves him. I have only told my partner about the sexual abuse and I am estranged from my father. There is a funeral coming up and I've been trying to think about how to deal with seeing him. I usually throw myself into my career or work life but a recent career change and family issues have resurfaced some feelings of animosity and anxiety. I recently went passed a house I lived in as a child while working. This was very uncomfortable to say the least. I am going to therapy but I have issues trying to juggle my job, class, and family issues lately. Does anyone have some recommendations on how to help create a calm environment for myself and ground myself? And does anyone have any experience dealing with an abuser?

Joe_Joe O. D. D or C-ptsd
  • replies: 1

My partner has an issue, o.o.d or c-ptsd something she is manic e 23 hours a day and it's but one hour a day and the happiest times over now at work ten plus hours a day and have Chemo three full days. Here lies the issue I can't take any more of her... View more

My partner has an issue, o.o.d or c-ptsd something she is manic e 23 hours a day and it's but one hour a day and the happiest times over now at work ten plus hours a day and have Chemo three full days. Here lies the issue I can't take any more of her manic hot and cold behaviour. She's wanting to kill me to missing me and needs me by her side, I go to the hospital and there will be 50 plus missed calls and 100s of messages asking me to come home and be with her. Also when I leave she cries and screams for me to stay and climbs on the car and hits it. Now when I go back inside she gets on her phone and talks to her male friends they tell her how much of a poo I am for leaving her alone with nothing when I'm at chemo and or work when I come home at the end of the days she turns the music up that loud that one can't hear a conversation and then yells at me for not communicating through the day when I'm either going to have chemo or on loud machines. Please I need some feedback. Thanks

milhouse im new, experiencing anxiety, depression and PTSD
  • replies: 1

Im new, struggling to find a psychologist so I thought id give this a go. I've had anxiety ever since I can remember and always been uncomfortable around my 'father', it turns out he is a predator, I was also raped in 2014 so I am having a lot of iss... View more

Im new, struggling to find a psychologist so I thought id give this a go. I've had anxiety ever since I can remember and always been uncomfortable around my 'father', it turns out he is a predator, I was also raped in 2014 so I am having a lot of issues with PTSD. I guess what im looking for is someone to talk to or to relate to

Patcha PTSD
  • replies: 9

Hello! I ended up here while looking for a PTSD support group. My psychiatrist has diagnosed me with PTSD stemming from work I did in the 90's. This has been a pretty recent development and I'm still working out what to do about it. Cheers.

Hello! I ended up here while looking for a PTSD support group. My psychiatrist has diagnosed me with PTSD stemming from work I did in the 90's. This has been a pretty recent development and I'm still working out what to do about it. Cheers.

Maefire Feel like the universe is punishing me
  • replies: 1

I need to be blunt - I genuinely feel like the universe is out to make my life as awful as possible. I have cptsd from 18 years of abuse from my family and at 19 I was abused by two both friends after finally escaping my family. This year I cut them ... View more

I need to be blunt - I genuinely feel like the universe is out to make my life as awful as possible. I have cptsd from 18 years of abuse from my family and at 19 I was abused by two both friends after finally escaping my family. This year I cut them all out but my family situation is worsening. What’s pushed me over the edge is my psychologist who has done nothing but minimize my trauma, try to make me reconnect with my abusers and has ruined me so much. I feel like a hollow of a person and I truly feel hopeless for the first time in years. Everytume I try to improve my life something happens and ruins it. Last year I had a wonderful therapist but because of the actions of my abuser I lost her. I’ve tried so hard in therapy to do all the homework but at this point I feel unfixable. I feel like my issues are too much and I can’t get the help I really need. If it wasn’t for my partner I’d literally be completely isolated in all this everyone else in my life blames me for my abusers actions and everyday I feel closer and closer to a nervous breakdown. My whole life I’ve had to restrain myself and hold myself together to function but I don’t want to anymore. I feel like if I had a full on breakdown and lost control of myself I could finally defend myself from abuse and would finally be seen as actually needing help. I want to go on a rampage and destroy things because having a complete and visible meltdown feels like the only way for people to care about me. Therapy has become a major trigger for my ptsd it makes me sick and tbh the reason I didn’t drop my therapist earlier was because I’ve Been using it as a method of emotional s*lf h*rm. the things my therapist says are so eerily close to my abusers that I think I subconciously felt i can’t escape it so I kept going to therapy. My boyfriend has been helping me so much but I feel so guilty like I can’t complain about therapy when I willing kept going back. I just feel like my trauma can never be fixed and I’ll never get the help I so desperately need I want to give up on trying to get better I want to scream at the people who have done this to me I hate it I hate everything so much how does the universe expect me to cope??? It feels unfair

Wally87 Self-punishment
  • replies: 11

Hi, I have had PTSD for 6 years after having a car accident where I’m deemed at fault. This accident resulted in the death of my mother. Since then I’ve been on a roller coaster. Over the years, I have engaged in many forms of self-punishment from no... View more

Hi, I have had PTSD for 6 years after having a car accident where I’m deemed at fault. This accident resulted in the death of my mother. Since then I’ve been on a roller coaster. Over the years, I have engaged in many forms of self-punishment from not eating to over exercising, even being diagnosed with a binge eating disorder. I see my psychologist every few weeks but I can’t seem to change my self belief that deserve this punishment and unhappiness. I’m not sure what I’m looking for on here but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

jlr4392 Abusive Relationship
  • replies: 3

I am currently in an abusive relationship. AT first it started with the derogatory comments, the constantly being told and made to feel like I'm useless. It then escalated to physical, the worst of which occurred on Saturday night. i suffer from depr... View more

I am currently in an abusive relationship. AT first it started with the derogatory comments, the constantly being told and made to feel like I'm useless. It then escalated to physical, the worst of which occurred on Saturday night. i suffer from depression and anxiety and am currently seeing a psychologist weekly but that is through Veteran Affairs and im afraid of the consequence of what will happen if i tell this to my Psych. Please help

mum4x DV situation
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, Im new here and just trying to grasp at anything that will give me some strength and support at the moment! I have been in a relationship for 6 years with someone who I now am not even sure I know. By all the behaviours he exhibits, the ... View more

Hi everyone, Im new here and just trying to grasp at anything that will give me some strength and support at the moment! I have been in a relationship for 6 years with someone who I now am not even sure I know. By all the behaviours he exhibits, the things he says and does...I can only conclude that he is a narcissist. I really don’t want to believe it as that means everything we had was not real...it is a hard pill to swallow to find out the most intense love you have felt is not actually real, that every wonderful dream for the future doesn’t exist anymore. over the last 6 years I have become a shadow of my former self...I have depression and anxiety symptoms and I just feel total defeat and hopelessness much of the time. I function like a robot 90% of the time. I do what I need to do, my kids are looked after, but it’s like I’m not really present and everyday tasks make me want to cry with exhaustion and frustration. the thought of the future without him gives me crippling sadness (strange I know) but also having to deal with him as an ex for the rest of my life is something I don’t feel like I have the strength for right now (we share 1 child). bottom line is I am quite a smart girl, I can see everything he’s doing to me and around me, I catch him lying and manipulating me and others all the time, and I rarely even bother to confront him anymore. I have learnt that no matter how much evidence I can provide he will always react with rage and turn everything on me! Or he will breakdown, admit how flawed he is (usually with excuses as to why) and tell me how I am the best thing since sliced bread. Only to repeat the process at a later date.....but I keep staying or taking him back. I know I can never be truly happy...or be in control of my life, and emotional state as long as I stay with him. I don’t even believe his professions of love and adoration anymore, but I still really desperately want to be able to believe them! i also feel overwhelmingly sad and sorry for him, the life he has lived and the life he is going to live in the future. The despair and sadness and self-loathing that I have seen from him almost matches up to the amount of anger, lying, manipulating, violence, antisocial behaviour that I have witnessed. I guess I’m just waiting for my time where I will feel truly done and would love to talk to others who have felt this kind of grief and confusion in the meantime. thanks in advance

CKS Condemned to a Life not Your Own
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone I am wondering if you can relate to these words? These words came to me one day, some time ago, when i was in a depressed state. Somehow these words explained a lot to me about CPTSD. I look forward to knowing your thoughts. CKS

Hi Everyone I am wondering if you can relate to these words? These words came to me one day, some time ago, when i was in a depressed state. Somehow these words explained a lot to me about CPTSD. I look forward to knowing your thoughts. CKS