Slow rollercoaster of ups and downs.

[HopefulMum88]

Since child hood I feel like my life has been a slow roller coaster of ups and downs, Abusive narsistic mother, absent father, long term out of love relationship with first 2 children's father, cheated in and left me.

Currently in a 4 year relationship that was abusive for the first 3 years due to him being an ice addict he is the father of my 3rd child. Things are better with him now after a 12 month restraining order and lots and lots of rehab and therapy for him.

Ive been on my own for over a year trying to raise and do right by my 3 children but the house is always a ride off, the kids are always up late, my daughter is falling behind at school she's showing signs of ADHD and high functioning autism.

I should have gotten help along time ago for the trauma I've been through then chucked away alone to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and life and now everyone's pointing the finger at me for why my life and my kids are and is all over the show. I wish I'd done something about myself sooner but I haven't and here I am with everyone blaming me cause I should have got my shit together sooner.

Im feeling pretty shattered tonight.

Am I way off base with the way I'm thinking or do I have some sort of point or reasoning to where my head's at with this?

Theres so much more to my story but that's the basics of it. And we're still dealing with the fall outs and consequences of all the mistakes made over the years I feel like it's never ending.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Well done in seeking help, I mean that. And better late than never. You can’t change the past and if other people criticise you for past errors then that is their problem. Keep moving on.

You might well need to relax your expectations of your daughter now that you know she has mental health issues. Talk to your GP about what to expect there.

Your current partner has displayed the courage to get help and changed, so rare nowadays so take heart and his effort deserves regular praise from yourself as an important piece of his therapy.

Positive thinking is crucial now on your behalf as you are the core of your family. This process might mean introducing some actions to help strengthen yourself which could mean some distancing from family or friends that remind you of the past or are critical- that isn’t what you need to keep you strong.

Please google the following and read the first post of each

beyondblue topic the best praise you’ll ever get

beyondblue topic do you cry over spilt milk?

beyondblue topic fortress of survival (also part 2)

Reply anytime

TonyWK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi HopefulMum88,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for joining us. I'm really glad you were able to share what's been going on for you- it sounds like it's been awfully heavy to carry for such a long time.

I'm reading your post and how you wrote that people are pointing fingers at you, but I'm wondering when you were supposed to get help sooner? I'm imagining this timeline in my head about what you've gone through and it seems like there's been no break in-between to breathe - let alone ask for help.

Your username says it all - HopefulMum. No matter what you've been through and how many curveballs you've faced, it's not too late now to reach out and get help.

I hope this post resonates with you a little bit ? Hopefully you'll find the forums helpful and supportive.

rt

[therising]

Hi HopefulMum88

Personally, I think you are amazing.

• You've done your best to raise yourself through a relationship with an abusive narcissistic mother
• You've done your best to raise yourself through the absence of a father
• You've done your best to raise yourself in a loveless marriage, with a cheating husband and, on top of it all, raise 2 kids beyond this
• You've done your best to raise yourself through another person's addiction, with an added child thrown into the mix
• You're doing your best to raise yourself to work out how to help your daughter cope with the challenges that come with an incredibly unique mind. Being conscious of of the need to manage is the 1st step on a constructive path

Okay, I'm going to lay the cards on the table here. I would be saying to those who are finger pointing 'Do you know what I have had to raise myself through?! Do you know how hard it has been doing this pretty much on my own?! I have made it through incredible struggle and challenge this far and all you can do is wonder why I haven't been trying hard enough. Instead of criticising and accusing, you should be bowing down to me, praising me for all the effort I've put into raising myself. Before you stands a champion!' BAMM!!!

While it is easy to be raised by those who look to inspire us to boost our consciousness and our spirits, it is another thing altogether to be raising our self much of the way, blindly, without thoughtful guidance. It can be an incredible struggle, especially when we are surrounded by those who insist on bringing us down or putting us down in a number of ways. Personally, I would be saying to all those who have an opinion 'Okay, step in, raise me. Raise my consciousness. Raise my self understanding. Raise my spirits. Raise my hope and my energy levels because, frankly, I'm exhausted'.

You mention 'I'm feeling pretty shattered'. I am hoping it is the illusion that has been shattered; the illusion that dictates you have not tried hard enough. I hope you come to see reality - you have always tried to the best of your ability, under the circumstances.

And this is why I find you amazing 🙂