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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Taylamade Lost after trauma
  • replies: 2

I am 55 years old all my adult life I was over weight due to lack of self love , respect, discipline. Finally in the best place emotionally in my life I decided to have weight loss surgery. I was doing well. I was eating healthy and the first time in... View more

I am 55 years old all my adult life I was over weight due to lack of self love , respect, discipline. Finally in the best place emotionally in my life I decided to have weight loss surgery. I was doing well. I was eating healthy and the first time in my life was loving exercise. In 18 months I had dropped 30kg and was full of vitality and life. 5 days a week I rode to my 7am Pilates class, and yoga twice a week. I had NEVER felt so strong, content. Finally I was free from emotional physical and weight pain. Hubby of 30 years was loving this happy full of energy wife. I even did HBF run for a reason 2019. OMG I was so proud of me. Never had I felt like that. November 2019 Life was beautiful. I felt beautiful content. Then 30/11/19 7:15 pm riding my bike with hubby I fell off. I suffered major facial injuries. I was rushed by ambulance to RPH trauma unit spent 8 days there. I also suffered major injuries to my arm. I was operated on my arm was plated and I have a new elbow joint. Good news was I had no head or neck injury. My poor face was unrecognisable. The doctor told me I was lucky I had been wearing my helmet or I would have been dead. But what he didn’t know is some thing did die the night of 30/11/19 ME. Fast forward to 15/05/2020. It’s two years today since I had my weight loss surgery and I can not straighten or bend my arm I can not touch my face do hair pull up knickers do up bra drive a car. I can’t sleep I hurt 24/7 I dread going to bed. I sleep sitting coz my eye rolls back and I have trouble opening It mornings. I wear a huge splint on my arm to bed. I have no strength in my arm. I am so frighten to fall. I am so angry frustrated I hate my life. I do not feel any joy I am filled with an overwhelming sense of loss. Every day open my eyes in the morning and feel pain, back hurts from my sleeping position my arm and face hurts I get out of bed like a old lady. I shuffle to the loo. Eventually my eye opens, slowly my body give its very best shot at trying to remember its only 55. I have learnt the art of the silent cry I cry most days all day for what I have lost. I cry because I wished I never knew how good life could be how strong and desirable I could feel. how much I loved my Pilates yoga and how much I would love to ride my bike.It’s all gone now I feel so hopeless, alone no one understands. I am slipping through the cracks. On my bad days I wish I had died on that path. Today is a bad day.

GetOutOfMyHead Newbie
  • replies: 9

Hi ... Oh gosh I was just about to say "hi my name is 臘‍" Far out. I'm not sure what I am doing. Was I meant to begin a new thread to introduce myself? Anyway, I'm 45 (am I supposed to put my age?), have a Chronic illness and a psychologically abusiv... View more

Hi ... Oh gosh I was just about to say "hi my name is 🤦‍" Far out. I'm not sure what I am doing. Was I meant to begin a new thread to introduce myself? Anyway, I'm 45 (am I supposed to put my age?), have a Chronic illness and a psychologically abusive husband who is now home 24/7 because of covid19. I don't know what to do. My mental health is deteriorating. Please help .

GimZim Moving on without acknowledgement or apology from abusers
  • replies: 11

Hey all I got diagnosed with CPTSD around 2 years ago, I've been seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist and have improved a lot with treatment. I've noticed a bit of a stumbling block recently though. No one involved in my abuse, particularly family,... View more

Hey all I got diagnosed with CPTSD around 2 years ago, I've been seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist and have improved a lot with treatment. I've noticed a bit of a stumbling block recently though. No one involved in my abuse, particularly family, have ever acknowledged or apologised for anything. Whenever incidents come up in conversation, I'm shut down, told it didn't happen or I'm remembering wrong or they don't remember it so they can't apologise for it. I'm finding it really difficult to cope with. My psychologist has suggested I stop communicating with my family, potentially forever. I'm already estranged from my father (from childhood), one of my sisters for around 5 years, my other sister about a month ago so I'm really only left with my mum, brother and half-brother. I'm not close to my half-brother but want to develop that relationship and he's not been involved in any of this so there's no problem there. My older brother bullied me through childhood which he's not acknowledged or apologised for but I think he'd be the most likely to. So I think the real issue is with my mother. I think if I stopped speaking to her she'd be upset and genuinely confused, I don't think she understands anything that's gone on in my family, she just downplays everything, laughs it off or insists she "doesn't remember it like that". She rewrites history, even in small ways that make no sense to do, the lies don't actually add anything or make her look any better but she seems to think they do. Having it all minimised is very upsetting and is making it hard to maintain a relationship. I don't know what to do really. Have any of you confronted people and had a positive outcome? I don't see one being possible here but I'd love to be wrong, honestly. Cheers.

G12345 Hospital fear
  • replies: 6

I have surgery tomorrow and I’m terrified and I just don’t want to have a needle but I have to unless someone holds my gloved hand I will refuse to let them but a needle into the back of my hand or the inside of my elbow. Please some distract me than... View more

I have surgery tomorrow and I’m terrified and I just don’t want to have a needle but I have to unless someone holds my gloved hand I will refuse to let them but a needle into the back of my hand or the inside of my elbow. Please some distract me thanks

miintaii i dont know my purpose
  • replies: 9

Throughout high school, I was a very high achiever and always trying my best to apply myself and help others around me. I was in the debate team, school vice-captain etc. I've always been more than happy to do things for others, it gave me purpose an... View more

Throughout high school, I was a very high achiever and always trying my best to apply myself and help others around me. I was in the debate team, school vice-captain etc. I've always been more than happy to do things for others, it gave me purpose and made me feel appreciated. I also really liked that it made me look like a good person, as I'm very sensitive to the way people around me perceive me. Which obviously is not a great way to live. Its caused me to develop ed in the past. However my last 2 years of high school I had struggled to apply myself and find any motivation to study or do well. I was only motivated to participate in activities that would benefit the people around me. Things that were easy and fun. Long story short I didn't do well in my hsc. Earlier in the year, my careers advisor had told me that a bachelor of communications would be perfect as I had made many promotional videos for the school and videos about things like raising awareness for violence against women. I got into the course, and happy to do so because she had told me I was good at it and she could tell I enjoyed it. In March I started my course and I quickly realised how uninterested and unmotivated I am. I don't care about studying and I'm too scared to admit that to my parents because they are strict and have always expected a lot from me. I don't know what to do because I'm failing my degree and I've just realised that I don't even know what I truly want to do. I don't have any talents or interests in anything except for anime and manga which is a hobby. I've lived my life going off what people told me they wanted or expected from me and now I'm in the real world and I have to live by what I want, except I don't know what to do. I can't imagine myself doing anything in the future, I lose interest in things quickly and give up if I'm not good at the 1st attempt. I'm thinking about dropping out to stay at home so I can care for my grandmother like I have been for the last 3 years. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I'm being selfish and lazy. I'm starting to have bad thoughts that I haven't had for a long time. I have to make a statement in court that's 3 weeks away, someone had sexually assaulted me while I was a minor. I've just been really unhappy. I'm only happy doing makeup, watching anime and listening to music.

G12345 Im new i cant forgive myself because i have trauma
  • replies: 6

i cant forgive myself because of trauma i feel very trapped and i feel like i'm going backwards can anyone relate to me or help me feel more free it hurts i cant stop blaming me and it cusses my anxiety attacks help me out please thank you

i cant forgive myself because of trauma i feel very trapped and i feel like i'm going backwards can anyone relate to me or help me feel more free it hurts i cant stop blaming me and it cusses my anxiety attacks help me out please thank you

Mara56 Anxiety due to Covid 19 and I've used all my sessions on my Mental Health Plan
  • replies: 10

Hi, My PTSD was triggered several months ago. As a consequence of this my anxiety level has been through the roof. At the beginning of this year I started seeing my psychologist weekly, as I didn't feel safe. Consequently I used up my mental health p... View more

Hi, My PTSD was triggered several months ago. As a consequence of this my anxiety level has been through the roof. At the beginning of this year I started seeing my psychologist weekly, as I didn't feel safe. Consequently I used up my mental health plan fairly quickly. Finances are really tight at the moment, so my therapist has given me a reduction in my fee which I am grateful for but also feel bad about. I've always paid my own way. In the midst of this the Covid 19 isolation happened. The stress it has caused me is enormous. I'm coping with the isolation, it's the financial side of things that is worrying me. That and the fact that one of my children is a teacher. I have lost a child and I am constantly frightened of losing my remaining child. With recent talks of lifting restrictions, my anxiety went through the roof again. I just wish this pandemic would end. In relation to the mental health plan, when the Govt initially announced funding for telehealth psychology appointments, I was hopeful they would extend the sessions on a plan. I totally understand that the pandemic will trigger mental health issues for people who may never have had them in the past. But I feel like for those of us already dealing with issues.... well I know Covid 19 has pushed me to the edge. Sorry for venting, I'm just feeling very frustrated and anxious at the minute. It has taken me years to be able to confront my past, and due to my financial situation, I have had push out my sessions. I know I'm not the only one feeling it at the moment. I also know that there are many more worse off. I just needed to vent what's in my head, in the vain hope I might get some sleep tonight. Thank you for reading this.

ecomama Does your home reflect your state of mind?
  • replies: 2

Hi guys I'm pretty sure my house is reflecting my state of mind. It's getting worse and worse and worse. I just feel exhausted over trying to manage it all. I wish I could press pause on all that stuff, start my PTSD therapy and then re-open sectors ... View more

Hi guys I'm pretty sure my house is reflecting my state of mind. It's getting worse and worse and worse. I just feel exhausted over trying to manage it all. I wish I could press pause on all that stuff, start my PTSD therapy and then re-open sectors with tasks I think I can manage. What a great thing that would be. Does anyone else feel like their house is / has gone downhill? Are you managing better? If so what helped? My parents separated but I know they were both hoarders. My step mother kept a 'neat ship' lol so she put ALL my dad's stuff under the house to degrade with weather. He passed away years ago. I have a small bag she sent me of his memorabilia, she kept the awesome stuff lol! My mother is obviously a hoarder (No Contact with mother for decades) and she can't live in her house now. I know I have hoarding tendencies, it's truly a fight with these tendencies every minute if I'm up for the fight. I finally sorted through my g-grandmothers things this year, she passed a long time ago. That was sweet, joyful and difficult and I cried quite a bit. I threw lots in the trash! I disseminated some, filed some, we use some. But I have ex husbands things, not all ofcourse, just what that creature left. I found AWESOME power tools but have a weird association with them. Due to the DV, reporting, Courts, it's a triggering experience finding anything of his let alone deciding to GO THROUGH his stuff. Plus I need to talk to the kids about what they may want and I don't want to trigger them, so I put that off big time. Plus he destroyed and stole and threw out a lot of my precious thing, so venturing into those spaces leads to high emotions. And my garden but that is more manageable since I employed a cheerful, gnome like man to help me at times. Big step for me but he is good. It's like a sad archaeological dig site and far better with someone toiling with me. I find toys and things from happier times but the garden was neglected as I fought in Courts for years. It's a 'STATE' ughhh. Thankyou for letting me vent. If you can help, that would be awesome. Ecomama

loouuiiee Advice please?? Overwhelmed, anxious and feeling lost is my permanent state of mind lately
  • replies: 28

I'm not really sure where to post but I am really hoping for some advice. ve been on anxiety and depression medication for around 5 years now and have experienced anxiety, depression, and PTSD my entire life after experiencing quite a traumatic and n... View more

I'm not really sure where to post but I am really hoping for some advice. ve been on anxiety and depression medication for around 5 years now and have experienced anxiety, depression, and PTSD my entire life after experiencing quite a traumatic and neglectful childhood and some of my teenage years being homeless. I don't really have any friends due to moving around a lot and constant upheaval of my life repeatedly over the last 10-12 years. I don't really have a family either. I tend to keep to myself and am scared of pretty much everything and anything. I'm 27 years old and I have a very reliant fiance, 2 stepdaughters who come on weekends (they live with their birth mother, during the week), a very stressful full-time job, and to top it all off I am also studying a bachelor degree online. y partner is heavily reliant on me - I have to drive him and his kids around, and although we get paid virtually the same ammount, I always end up paying for the majority of our living expenses. am that person who is literally expected to do everything for everyone, and not only do my efforts go unacknowledge and unappreciated, but when I need time or money or ANYTHING for myself, it is deemed totally unacceptable. I recently had to start seeing a new psychologist and gosh, it felt horrible having to recount everything and basically start all over again. These past 4 months I have experienced a serious decline in my mental health, my mood, my approach to life. I just don't feel like me, it feels like all the life has been sucked out of me and I just can't do it anymore. I have nothing left to give. have spoken to my partner because my hope for next year is to drop some days at work so instead of working a 40+ hour working week, I would work part-time and have more time for myself and to study. He flat out said no and told me if i only want to work a few days a week I should move back in with my parents (knowing full well I have been unable to live with my family since they kicked me out of home when I was 15 years old) I am not prepared to give up my studies because I am only studying part-time at the moment and I have been putting off completing my degree since I graduated high school in 2010 due to the need to be able to support myself (and everyone else!) financially. what should I do?

Panic90 Looking for others physically abused at work and/or by work colleague
  • replies: 11

I would be very interested to chat with anyone else who has been or is being physically abused at work and/or by a work colleague. My abuse ended four years ago but it haunts me every day. I still work in the same industry, although at a different or... View more

I would be very interested to chat with anyone else who has been or is being physically abused at work and/or by a work colleague. My abuse ended four years ago but it haunts me every day. I still work in the same industry, although at a different organisation. I was mostly verbally abused but occasionally the abuse was physical. Hair pulling, pushing into doors, arm pinching, kicking shins. On a few occasions it got out of control but I don't like to talk about those. I think it went on for about 9 months. The man was my direct supervisor though he wasn't the head of the office. I never told anyone at the time. I've only told my psychiatrist now, and that was about 12 months ago. I have PTSD and pretty bad anxiety. I don't like men being close to me. I don't like being touched. I hate people being behind me where I can't see them. I don't like the quiet because that's when i didn't know where he was. My treatment did help but it's up and down at the moment. I'd love to hear from anyone else who has experienced the same thing. I feel pretty alone. I've never heard anyone getting physically abused by a work colleague. I send my support to you.