new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[ecomama]

Oh before I do, I set myself 2 goals for tonight.

1) clear out my shoe cupboard (LOTS of shoes and most of them hand me downs from others)

and
2) clean the bathroom.

Maybe I'll give the dog a bath but probably not. He hates them and has a grooming appt soon lol.

EMxxxx

[ecomama]

LOLOL

So I had a long nap tonight, it was WONDERFUL. I feel so good.

Even with the challenges Yvette presented me with on Monday night which are pretty scary, we're seeing a new GP Practice for her. All female. Not Bulk Billing etc, I don't care. She needs so much MH support and she's on board (atm) so I'm going with it.
Now begins the long haul of diagnoses because what she shared is NOT OKAY in anyone's books.
She's amazing.
We've got this shyte covered or will have over the next 15y omg.

Alexa update
OH
MY
GOD

They had the most amazing date!
I'll call him Angelo lol... not his real name.
But his mum was born in a province RIGHT NEXT to where I was born in Asia!!!
O.... M.... G cannot believe it.

They stayed at the beach till 2am!

Next date is in about 10 days time bec Alexa has the kids until she goes away for work on Sunday. Then has the kids when she gets back.
Kids not meeting Angelo yet.

He's taking her to a major city for authentic ramen lol where they make the noodles in front of you lol!

Anyway they had a blast.
He hasn't dated anyone for 3 years.
He wanted to wait till he met someone who he felt was authentic lol.

OMG he is SO MUCH like my fiancee!
They'd absolutely love each other lol.
Same Values as our family.
I think I'm in love lol!

He LOVES Alexa's dream of having an acreage and lots of animals.

Anyway it sounds super lovely for them both.

So happy.

Love EM

[Guest_1643]

wow score - a great date with a respectful young man

i can't think of anything better for her

ur fiance will love it too

i'm really happy for her and it will be so nice for her to have this experience. young women need to meet good guys who will help them to expect the best and have the best as their standard for "normal"

[ecomama]

Thankyou Sleepy!

Yes it is. And I hope for the very same for you one day too. XXXX

I'm seeing you helping so many people on the forums, you're such a Godsend to each and every person with your heartfelt words. You're so kind and caring.

I hope you get paid $250 / hour one day for your support! At the very minimum lol!

I really mean it when I say that a psych with true empathy is my version of a perfect psych.

And OMG your room is coming together SO beautifully!
My imagination is all I can use but it sounds so pretty and suave at the same time lol.

Thanks again Sleepy.
Love EM

[Guest_1643]

Hi Em

thanks i would love to get bck out there and meet someone myself!!! I"m hppy for Alexa 🙂 so nice for her.
i agree with u that psychs need empathy and that's the number one thing. It is so nice on these forums to meet people who hvae empathy and don't judge. You are definitely one of them giving empathy and non-judgemental support to us all . I am loving the chnges in my apartment. I alwys went to retro styles but am shocked that I prefer a bit more elegant and modern. It has been fun to learn about how to achieve those looks. Kind of shaken things up!! I got a beautiful linen cushion too which I really like. I just lie seeing that things can change... after a time when evreything felt very "same"

Thanks for ur support

[ecomama]

That's so lovely that you're enjoying the changes and finding out what suits you even better.

I really appreciate you and your kindness. HUGS!

Do you know what Alexa did after spending hours on the phone the morning of the party in a pretty high anxiety state?

As she was getting ready for the party, she danced in front of the mirror and thanked all the parts of her body for doing what they were designed to do lol.
She poured the LOVE in and danced to her favourite boppy music.

Then left for the party feeling great!

Lol.

Love EM

[Guest_1643]

hi EM she must have been feeling good inside and able to enjoy the moment, it's so amazing!

It must have felt great!!! dancing away. Has she been happy since the party?
How was the coffee with the ladies... i can't believe you just met them - i feel they'll be great friends! Inspiring me to make new friends out and about. There is a girl who runs a shop near me and we have become friends - she's nervous about turning 26 and pressure to be married... oh dear. I told her life just gets better as you get older!!

You were saying a while back about hair creams... I wander if I used the same one - it's by a brand called Ouai (sounds different to urs)... but it was this rose spray you can use on your hair and body. That appealed to me. It smelt amazing

[Guest_498]

Hi Ems,

Finally got 'round to answering your threads. How are you? Hope you're well.

"Darling chicken isn't coping real well in the hot loungeroom so it's time to move her to the bathroom in the day when no one's home". - You referred to her as "just a chicken" .. no, Ems, she's NOT just a chook, she's a pet and family. I would love her just as much. The heat can be stifling for pets inside the home when its extremely hot. I hope your chook is doing ok now.
Alexa and her new man. That's freakin' awesome - I'm really happy for her and happy to hear that she got swept off her feet. He sounds nice. She sounds smitten. Good for her. 🙂

Ems, are you part Asian? Or were you just born there?

And, in reference to your post re: bad flattie/people .. you're spot on about them. Since I've got a sister who's a narcissist and aware of their personality trait, I can identify narcissism when I meet one. The gaslighting and playing ppl against one another is so prominent. Sadly, the other person who gets 'brainwashed' usually doesn't have a clue as to what is going on, despite you telling them. You're simply not believed. It's sad that they believe what they're told. These days, I don't even try to prove my innocence or protest, unless the person means something to me. Whatevs. Too much work.

Blubes

[Guest_498]

Sleepy,

If you want to get yourself back out there and meet someone, I say do it!! Why not? Just wait until the next easing of restrictions which will be VERY soon, I believe.

Blubes.

[ecomama]

Hi Sleepy

You sound like you're going from strength to strength, how are you doing?

I think of you and the girls all day every day lol.

The Cafe ladies... strange chance event last week really. I just started patting the cutest little dog and SHE LOVED me...then the lady started talking to me. Then her friend sat down with her dog and on it went. They loved having new company I think. So many ppl perceive me as a person who's had VERY different experiences to what I've had - you know girls.

Anyway the 2 ladies started opening up to EACH other bec I was there.
They spoke at length about their horrid 1st marriages, and other awful stuff.
But I "got it". They kept thinking that ofcourse they'd be shocking me.... omg they couldn't even GRASP some of the things I told them, so I let them talk.

Weird thing?
Esther had to tell her 60yo daughter what she'd told me bec she thought it was wrong that a stranger knew about this exH and not her own D, his child.

She loved seeing me again today. I loved seeing her. The other lady isn't coping with a new prognosis. Very sad.
I'll go again next Thursday and ask for her mobile number. She's so lovely. VERY STRONG woman.

JUST DO IT SLEEPY, make friends with that girl.

Re: Alexa... she and I are both pinching ourselves about (can't remember the false name I gave him brb lol.....) OH YEAH Angelo lol! "like an Angel"...

Alexa is going into this with her rational head on tightly.
She doesn't want to lose her head!

They made their next date 11 days after their first date.
Alexa is going away for work and has the children either side.
She will not introduce him to the chn for a LONG LONG while... so if he's gone by then, no loss to them.

SMART GIRL.

2nd date is in a major city to eat authentic Ramen noodles lol!
2 hour drive down there in his brand new car. God help us. Lol.

Alexa just texted that he asked if he could take her to the Botanical Gardens Spring Festival....
pressing ALL the right buttons there!
She's a nature freak far more than me!
God help us lol.

He lives 2 suburbs from me.

30 min from Alexa.

My hair stuff was Oi oil and spray too. LOVE IT.
It'll be on my self-care list for next year when I'm more financial lol!

Love EM