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ecomama
Valued Contributor

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

2,324 Replies 2,324

Hey there EM,

Not often I'm called sweet, haha. I try to be aware and considerate, in the right company. You haven't done that to me, by the way, we're all good.

I've heard good things about colloidal silver, I wonder if that's a big factor in your dear chicken perking up. All the love and attention isn't going astray, I'm sure. Sounds like you've got everything well planned for her ongoing care. How is she doing today?

I suspect you'd get a kick out of the antics of my two puffballs. I use pseudonyms for them on the forums, my birds are hands down the most identifiable things about me - Sir Pecksalot, my eldest and Mr Feisty, the youngest. My partner will often get up before me, and bring Sir Pecks to me in bed. Sir Pecks is far and away the more social of my birds, and will snuggle in (sometimes under the doona) with me. Or he'll be in full mischeif mode, marching about the bed and me (he will happily walk on my face), hopping onto my bedside table and pecking things onto the floor. It's quite a way to wake up. Much less common for Mr Feisty to snuggle in bed with me, but it has been known to happen.

I wholeheartedly agree with you about inequity. Though that said I think we have a better than average chance of rising from it in Australia - I started with nothing, have mostly run on a single part-time income and own my own home, was even a landlord for a while. Information is freely available to make the most of what we have, it's a matter of critical thinking to make sense of it. I'll have to look into The Barefoot Investor.

No, I didn't know about Community Loans. Will definitely look into that, thank you.

I was renting and in the worst financial shape of my life at the end of the GFC. It was actually Ruddcash that kicked off my complete turnaround in financial management, it was the leg-up into my debt resolution I needed, and I changed everything from there.

Best of luck with the cabin!

Thanks, I'm enjoying the threads, though it's a little exhausting to keep up with. Everyone's contributions have been great. 🙂 I do try and just say I'm having a time out when I'm not up to replying for a while.

Loving the decorating talk (that goes for Sleepy, too), you guys made me smile. I have a black and forest green theme through my house and I love it. I hung black curtains as soon as I moved in. Most of my furniture is black or dark wood, and I have green throws, towels and doona cover. Amazing how they transformed the place.

Blue.

Music inspo: blinding lights by the weekend.
Hello to Blue Clues - love, love the colour scheme throughout your home. Forest green .. Thats like a sage colour, isnt? Gorgeous colour combo. Mines dark charcoal, white & silver throughout. Hope everones having fantastic day

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member

hey EM love that sewing idea thank you - my complex does have some amazing women who may be interested to help me.
They are so crafty and always making little changes to our communal garden and our outdoor area - which now looks like Paris with all these hanging plants and a huge candelabra. Wow.

I think that sounds fun to go to Spotlight and play with materials!

that's horrible that your brother is so pushy when he wants something but otherwise.... invisible.

I guess you protect yours first.... don't need that for your kids which is so confusing

I lve that Blues knows a lt about birds - seems the love and hugs is giving life to ur little chook. It's pretty amazing. You mustbe so happy to see that and have her around u feeling better. Does she still have to be separated frm the others?

ecomama
Valued Contributor

Bluberry said:Ems,
Bf must be relieved about Trump. I think most ppl around the globe feel the same way.
Biden is a creep? It's whats been reported, yes. Id still rather a creep over a narcisstic, white supremacist racist, misognist any day. Well the only p he'll be grabbing in his old age is that of his wife's, if hes lucky. And, she'll be on a yatch somewhere doing what she does best - nothing.
OMG Alexa siding with Trump .. OMG, this breaks my heart noooooo.
Blubes. Xx

Lol, fiancee VOTED for Trump but he's coping well lol!

No Alexa isn't a Trump supporter, but she did tell me some of his successes which is fine.
She's been a Conscientious Objector for the longest time, not sure if she's registered now though.

How you doin today?

EMxxxx

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
i wander what trumps kids and his (maybe soon to be ex) wife will do now? these are strange times.

Hi Blue

You ARE sweet. No one calls me sweet either except for my fiancee! lol... not exactly sure why though.

Your birds sound VERY cheeky, it's the breed I guess lol.

I told a lady at work that my chicken is sleeping in my bed every night and she was HORRIFIED.
Don't like her much anyway lol!

Yes this is the place to talk 'home design and colour schemes'! LOL here and Bluberry's thread, we just intermingle our convos back and forth between the BB 'loungerooms' lol.

It'll be years before my place is sorted out. I don't care one bit. The garden takes ALOT of work... just spent the last year clearing 600 square metres of lantana.
And the rest.

I have some form of ADD or ADHD but having years of Courts and safety issues kept my adrenaline on overdrive which clearly wasn't good for my health AT ALL.
So I'm doing the relaxing thing more than I've ever done in my life before.

I need so much more sleep than before.

But I can see what I'll be doing if I get the all clear with my health - LOTS....
* my boss told me this morning that my position is only for 1 more year... it's a specialised position but I can go back to a more mundane BUT steep learning curve job in 15 months which WILL be super crazy... FT next year will be crazy enough tbh.

* Looks like my elderly neighbours (almost 100yo) are moving out. SO the new neighbours will want a NEW FENCE ASAP - no money for that, I'll worry about that later lol.

* My health requires lots of intervention so I'm doing that too when the dates come up.

* Fiancee will be doing the Architectural designs for my cabin and we're starting those this week - probably take 6 - 12 months to get those where we want them.
THEN building it.

So my interior design will be what it is lol.

Love EM

ecomama
Valued Contributor

Hi Sleepy

Yeah I just leave brother to his own antics.

Darling chicken would PREFER to be outside but she's not safe.
I take her outside for a few hours morning and afternoon.
She got attacked right in front of me this morning, it's a cruel world for birds in the wild.
She's blind so it's very hard for her.

Other than that, she's pretty rapt being in amongst it in the house lol and LOVES sleeping in my bed!

YES!
Seek out the sewing ladies!
They have SO MUCH knowledge that you just can't read about or even learn on YouTube... it's called having someone there for you in your ZPD.
Trust me they'll say "Oh you must have a backing on that material!" for the throw, but you don't have to. lol.
Though if it's hemmed it'll last longer and won't fray.

Touching all the materials in Spotlight really gives you an idea of what you REALLY want around you.

I've got an antique chair that was given to me and the leather seat pad pops out. The leather's all worn and I trialled a turquoise satin doona cover (hand me down) on it... just to see what it looks like in the room. But I would have had to CUT it ugh!!
I've decided to use the doona cover in one piece over my balcony lounge. This way it stays in one piece and all the cute Bohemian designs can be seen. It has hot pink and olive green paisleys on it.

Oops sorry Blue - The Trading Group I was in and will rejoin is part of the International "Community Exchange System" but called a different name here locally.
They're ALL Over Australia now.
And the world.

It's VERY exciting.
You can get all sorts of goods and services for an alternative currency ie NOT dollars and cents.
It's pretty weird at first and takes a while to get one's head around it... but really a way forward with sustainability of communities and individuals.

I stopped selling anything on EBay once I joined, it was SO worthwhile for us.

Better get cracking with stuff.

Love EMxxxx

I'm not sure what the Trumps will get up to after this. It's going to be several more months though before Biden officially commences. Trump's wife will be doing nothing but to stand there and look good. I don't believe Trump will do any more developments (I don't think). Who knows .. whatever. Who cares. lol. Got more important things to care about than what they'll be doing.

Ems, the only good thing Trump has done for Australia is not placing tariffs & exorbitant taxes on import of our steel - Malcolm Turnball negotiated this with Trump in 2016. That's it. As for what he's done for America nothing ... Unemployment is still very high. Under his leadership, he's created a mess in their healthcare system (this is in shambles), with States being in legal battles. Trump takes credit for the recovery of the U.S economy from the GFC - B.S!! This was created under Obama's leadership and implemented via Biden. So, the legwork was already set up. As for the legacy he's left for the world .. fuelled & incited hatred for the Muslim population worldwide (Muslims do not deserve this level of racism), the Mexicans, strained political relationship with China, degradation of women .. I could go on forever but I'll stop here. lol.

ecomama
Valued Contributor

No one deserves ANY level of racism, just sayin'.

Couldn't really care less about things I can't influence (or control).

I care. But not about that stuff. It used to just frustrate the becheeses out of me when I did lol.

What are you up to Blubes?

EMxxxx

ecomama
Valued Contributor

Hi everyone

Alexa update lol.
She didn't text back for 48h because she didn't get an alert to my texts lol.
I thought she was 'hiding' from me bec she was chickening out on the beach date.

As it turns out I wrong, it happens lol.
She actually WENT!

omg the ONLY thing she said via text was "omg it went really well!" and she'll call me tonight.
The seconds are taking years to tick by before she calls lol.

Darling chicken isn't coping real well in the hot loungeroom so it's time to move her to the bathroom in the day when no one's home.
I know it's a lot of fuss for a chicken but we love her so much. She loves us too lol. She says so!

The cat and dog aren't coping with her in the loungeroom either, I have to lock things up better on the top storey and that's their access in and out of the house.

Got an EARLY early mark from work today lol.
My job isn't as a Counsellor but it entails professional mentoring.
I had 3 staff come to me today and start crying about things.
They must really trust me telling me the things they said.

It's gonna be a long time till Alexa puts the kids to bed!
I might need a nap to cope with the waiting lol.

I'm off to visit other threads.

Love EM