new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Ha, Bubbly indeed. I did want rum and Coke, but I forgot I was out of rum. We make do.

Glad the podiatrist was helpful, if apparently not the best conversationalist. The main thing is that he knows his trade. Sounds like you got a lot of information and food for thought. How about treatment? Do you have some relief for the pain?

Ha, the bags. Honestly, I had a few garbage bags of clothes that came with me from house to house for years. I used the stuff less and less, it ended up in the shed. The time came to just get rid of it. I think most of us have a garbage bag phase with some things. The important thing is to make it temporary.

A place for everything, and everything in its place. As long as she uses all her stuff, great. I hear you about accumulating clothes when you stop growing. Not that that was a huge problem for me. I was a runt until early adolescence, then I grew a whole heap and stopped within one or two years. Ol' Blue has stretch marks from that silliness. Nature is funny that way.

Paying it forward, huh? Your son has a good strategy! Let's hope his friend actually helps out when the time comes.

Sounds like quite a process, but perhaps best in a staggered fashion for manageability as much as for erosion. It's good to be prepared.

Wow, that's a lot of mattresses. I found just one a headache. Good that you can do that with the neighbour's bins, I guess you get along well. I avoid getting to know neighbours for the most part, I've found them to be troublesome over the years.

Great work with keeping so much other stuff out of landfill, having a process for dealing with all that waste is very helpful. I like to keep mine organised, too.

Oh, that's a job that will be hard on the back. How do you think you'll get that moved? I hear you about that determination, I had a lot of that, too. Likewise it took a lot of time and bloody hard work getting the exes mess out of my home and life. The physical stuff is gone, at least, that's a victory. You're definitely richer for not having that guy around. Wouldn't call him a leech, though, leeches are useful!

Blue.

[ecomama]

Lol I KNOW leeches ARE useful and so are worms and even doggie doodoo lol... so demon it is.

Oh about your Cortisone coming up... my brother actually saw me driving this arv and followed me home for a chat! Haven't seen him over 4 months I think?
He was bowled over by our WORK! The floors in Yvette's room, he asked who did them?
LOL... your sister and niece!

He's been working 7 days a week for months. Had 2 days off. Christmas and NYD.

He was relaxed and it was nice to catch up .... anyway my SIL had those injections in her back, they took a few days to work but she's back to normal now... wow.
Have confidence. It will be good for you!

My feet? Well long story... getting lots of advice from allied health professionals now... putting it altogether to trial a few different things. Magnesium and Vitamin D being a common theme atm.

Yep besides the ongoing room changing work to Stage 1, there's the reno work and tree / garden work plus multiple car stuff.
I have to schedule "Stages" in in my mind for stuff going on at home or else I get way too distracted while I'm at my job.
It's enough to keep up with the kids and me while I'm working! All good.

Yeah I HEAR you about neighbours... wow... we've been thru alot with ours here siding with demon... then after realising how different things were without demon here... well I'll NEVER trust them an iota again but only 2 neighbours got in with demon.
The rest of the street was "for" me and the kids.

Anyway my Counsellor told me this week that Council Rules are that as soon as "their" bins are on the nature strip then it's "Council Property"... so anyone is allowed to fill anyone else's.

We do here anyway.

Besides some of the major structures in the garden that need to be pulled down and disposed of (demon destroyed them) there's also alot of metal left now. Like FULL steel beams.
My Uncle wants me to keep them but ugh.... he wants to use them for the cabin but I don't think we'll end up using them anyway.

Still I could get help to move them way down the back near the cabin's site then if we don't need them, get the recyclers to pick them up.

I've literally worked at this for years but had so much other stuff like Courts to deal with, then the kids & my MH & physical health (ongoing) & now lots of renos & tree work.

I'll get there! lol

Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Haha, sure. I wonder if demons are useful. Hmm.

Getting together with your brother sounds like a nice surprise. I recall there are some frustrations between you, so I'm glad this was a positive get-together. Dunno how he copes with working 7 days a week, I found 5 well past my limit! Bet you felt good showing off your hard work, and having it appreciated.

Hope you're right about the cortisone. It's being used partly as a diagnostic tool, it isn't 100% certain bursitis is the problem - my pain comes mostly from turning my head rather than arm movement and the doctor that did the injection said that's pretty unusual. Also I have a colleague who gets them fairly regularly, she says sometimes they help, sometimes they don't - the sort of work we do is strenuous and re-injures things. We'll see how it goes. Will probably be getting the same in my back for the bulging disc, haven't had the energy to book that yet. Another "we'll see".

A whole team working on your foot trouble. Interesting. I can see Magnesium playing a role, the Vitamin D surprises me a bit. I've taken supplements of both at different times, Magnesium for quite bad muscle cramps which are often in my feet. Low Vitamin D was just fatigue and lots of it. Anyway, hope it all helps.

Doing things in defined stages makes sense, glad you have a bit of a detailed plan to keep you on track. It'll definitely be tricky when you're back at work.

Ugh, you certainly could have done without that with your neighbours. That's one trouble I haven't had, I don't get close enough to them for them to be involved in him vs her relationship matters. However from constant racket the cops would do nothing about I was essentially forced out of my last house if I expected to ever sleep again ever. Disgraceful.

Isn't your counsellor American? Might be different rules there vs here. Mind you, here I think it's more a matter of manners than legality whether we use a neighbour's bin without consent.

Oh dear, of course your uncle wants to keep the beams. If you think they're useful, keep them. If not, off to the scrap dealer, I think. I guess it's a matter of whether you can live with them stuffed down the back of the garden for a while.

I hear you about that, EM. It took years to deal with my ex's rubbish, too. About a year just to get the mouse problem in the house under control, it was so bad. That was hard. But it's done now, and you'll get through yours with some time and perseverance. It's very freeing.

Blue.

[Guest_4643]

Just popping in to say hello to everyone

[ecomama]

Hey Tay and Blue and everyone

HI! Hope you're all doing well!

I was able to sleep in today which was great but wondering if doing that just makes me feel more tired lol IDK.

My reply disappeared so yeah... lol.

Don't get close to neighbours, think I replied on your thread Blue, hope so.
One helped immensely during the Courts, being a retired psych, but who was ALSO taken in by demon's wily manipulation. So she felt bad and was kind of there for us. Mainly protecting us from the vilification.

Seeing my brother was nice! I think he's kept on a really tight rein by SIL and work is kind of an excusable "escape" lol. He's retired and semi retired lots of times but is on a REALLY good gig with this employer, like great pay + $400 / week just for travel.
He's done SO WELL, esp considering his disabilities.

We spoke briefly about our mother. Not too confronting for either of us. He's triggered wildly in the past over it at me, I just cried lol.
Yesterday, just a gentle convo.

I'm limiting my time on the forums to 1h per day since I need to get into the FT work zone and phase certain things out that I've used. So I won't be responding to as many posts as I was before.

That being said, BIG day again today.
Few calls to sort out troublesome things.
Dentist this arv.

"Car shuffling" being one of them lol.

It's HOT today and IDK how I'll be after the dentist, so not sure about the garden.
Plenty of inside work to be done.

I dismantled p.son's bed in my dining room all by myself and put most of it together in his room.
Just need help with the bed head and getting the heavy mattress on.
Then I can make it fresh for him to arrive Sunday I HOPE!

Yvette's lagging with emptying her cupboards, but she's been working heaps and socialising a bit, so that's okay lol. Can't move son's stuff IN till she moves hers OUT.

Re: foot trouble. Advice so far
* taking supplements above
* avoiding gluten and sugar
* ongoing Podiatrist and he'll adjust my shoes later.
* considering seeing a highly recommended physio.... bit late in my leave to organise this, maybe later.
* doing other alternative therapies and bedding to slightly raise and support my calves & feet at night.

Talk soon!

Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Glad you could sleep in. Oversleeping can make you groggy, but if you know how much you need you can balance it.

Yeah, you said about the neighbours. Fair call. Interesting about the psych getting sucked in, I imagine it made her question her competence at her profession as much as feeling bad personally. Helping you probably helped her too, to understand what happened and how she got hoodwinked.

Sounds like really healthy time/conversation with your brother, I'm glad of that. Didn't know he had disabilities (or I knew and forgot, one of those), so good on him for doing so well with work. Pity he feels like work is an escape from home though, that's not wholly healthy. Not that I can't say I've been there.

You mentioned limiting forum time. That's good and healthy. I couldn't do just an hour a day, it takes me half an hour or more on any one response - I don't do things by halves! But also limiting a bit, checking twice a day, may drop to once if I can't find a comfortable balance.

Oh, the car shuffling. That must be driving you nuts. Hopefully not too much longer? Good luck with the dentist later. Certainly don't push yourself to garden in the heat (or at least "slip, slop, slap" if you do!).

Fantastic work with prodigal son's bed. You're so much like me in some ways - I'd be looking at it, thinking "there must be something I can do about this with or without help". Good luck getting everything finished.

I'm glad Yvette has a job she likes and some social time. As for her stuff, can she or even you streamline it with bags like you did with your clothes so she can work through it at her leisure in her own room and prodigal son's room can get sorted? Just a thought.

Good, comprehensive list, there. Some of it is good for you with or without the foot problem, so that's great. Fingers crossed you get on top of the pain soon, you'll need working feet when you're back at work, I'm sure.

Kind thoughts to you, and a song from my puffballs. 🙂

Blue.

[ecomama]

Hey Blue! Nice songs birdies thankyou!! lol.

Oh you'd be so proud of me lol... I am so much like you, do NOT like asking for help!
But it really HELPS!!
I need to and have to ask for help more often. Had so many yuck experiences of shut outs (like you've had) so it's yuck.

But I literally had 2 kids home for 20 mins today so far and I ASKED FOR HELP.
They helped me raise p.son's bedhead and put it together AND put the mattress on. Then went to work. 7 car shuffles today.... getting tired of it.

Oh Blue, demon fooled every person including 7 psychs, police, SOME Judges (the others were AWESOME and saw right through it)... wily. Police said "cunning". Psychopaths are like that re: Ted Bundy.

Back to bedrooms lol... got all Yvette's furniture out and stuff left on floors. I can't tell her to do anything, she has Oppositional Defiance Disorder... but she saw me fill garbage bags to empty HER built ins out... hope that gets thru!

P.son's bed is made now with his electric blanket on and plugged in lol, clean sheets & re-did all pillow and mattress protectors. His Quilt cover is in the drier now so should be on soon.

I can begin moving his stuff out of the dining and lounge rooms into his room soon.

Still so much sorting to do. Heaps.

The rest will take months then a new re-shuffle in April - my entire bedroom suite going downstairs to one son with "his" QS bed coming up to my room. Still it's a LOT of furniture.

Then the conundrum of my clothing storage. It's a little maddening having it all in difft broken wardrobes etc and in April I lose my dresser with 7 drawers lol!
We're in negotiations now about what cupboards I can have from the son's areas downstairs to be moved in April.

Alexa wants to buy me a whole new bedroom suite and I nearly had a conniption!
But declined her generosity very kindly!

I complain but truly it's looking WONDERFUL! I can really SEE the difference already.

I can't thank you enough for ALL your encouragement Blue!

EMxxxx

[Jstar49]

Hey Em, hey Blue and Tayla and everyone else,

Em you're doing awesome! I can hear the clutter clearing out and the new minimalised lifestyle which is going to help sooo much when you're FT.

I def hear you there, part of me wonders how I will go, but after a year of studying i feel like I can do anything. Just gotta say out loud what I sigh inside about- yknow...'I wish someone else would wash up, sweep a floor, hang out some washing, plan dinner for us all...' All that stuff.

I reckon a nicely cooked meal which took into account allergies and food preferences, and one where I didn't get asked a million qu's about how to do it, would be the best present in the world! I might have to mention that to H!

Nic e that you caught up with Bro. Boys always have excuses! But at least he showed he cares. I always get caught up in my life and don't visit when I 'should'. How can I rephrase that? I hate shoulds but there is always a should somewhere.

Right now I should go to bed. Too many late nights.

I shall look for your posts Em, and although I shall miss you when you're not on as much, I shall meet you in the garden.

Cheers,

J*

[ecomama]

Hey J*

Ahhh you can ALWAYS replace should with could.

Otherwise it sounds like you're shoulding on yourself lol.
Say it fast.... hahaha.

I think my cousin taught me that one.

So when someone at work says, so I should do this.... I say you COULD do that, how do you feel about it?

COULD gives you options and is empowering.

SHOULD well it is what it sounds like said quickly...

OH YEAH you heard the noises of furniture moving and me sweating lots lol.... p.son's room is ready to sleep in YAY!!!
ALL clean everything on his bed.
I texted him a photo and I could tell he was just sad.

He needed to talk to me.... but will be home for a few days on Sunday.
He could only text - nuther story.
So a hundred texts later. I actually know what the root causes are but he just needs his mama.

He's by FAR my most studious child atm.
His money is spent before it's earnt atm on the private school he's chosen to attend.

I may need to buy him school stuff.
This is the time we all go out to buy everything for school but he's not here.

Anyhow things are looking SO MUCH better since most of the stuff is now out of the dining and lounge areas and into bedrooms lol.

I may actually be able to GET to the Christmas tree to take it down now lol.

Got quite a few difficult calls and visits to make tomorrow.
I'm sacking my dentist lol. Got to get a refund on my deposit now. The cheek of it all.

The AIR in our house smells cleaner.... so much less DUST now lol... glad p.son WASN'T here, he would have been sneezing for weeks!
We were fine.

Stage 1 almost done.

SO NICE to see my brother. Nice to feel things were good between us. He didn't want to see Uncle's work lol! Just ours.

I told Yvette Uncle was proud of her.

Heading to bed!

Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM, J*, Tayla and all,

Oh, I hear you about asking for help, EM, I do not like it one bit! Am getting better with it, with my partner. His memory is rubbish though, so if I ask him once I have to ask him five times, even with a note left for him as well - that is frustrating as hell, but he tells me "I want you to ask me for help". Talk about being thrown in the deep end with getting used to that! Anyway, back to you - you asked for help and you got it. The bed is together, and that is excellent. Shame about all the car shuffling, I can see that being really tiring.

I understand. The thing with psychopaths is there is no conscience, so the normal things that tip people off to a lie aren't present. Still, it sounds like his accusations were so off the rails, surely people would want something to substantiate them. Just a thought.

I don't know anything much about ODD, I imagine it's tricky to work around. Do you think something got through, with what you were doing with Yvette's stuff?

Prodigal son will feel like a star, having that room all gussied up for him. 😉 Sounds like he's a good lad though, I'm sure he appreciates it.

A lot of work ahead still with the furniture. I have no doubt at all that you're up to it (with that help you are learning to ask for). I understand the frustration about clothing storage. We could sure do with a new wardrobe at home, I have a little portable job that was only ever meant to be temporary - 3 years later. Not big enough for two people's clothes and I have my art stuff in there too, don't like it there. A job for when money is a bit less tight.

Wow, quite an offer from Alexa. I understand you declining, but sure nice to know the support is there.

I don't think you're complaining, EM, you're making observations about the tough parts of the process - not quite the same. Your enthusiasm and progress are obvious and shining bright.

You're welcome, you give plenty of reward for that encouragement, it's great to see someone flourish like you are. I can see weight lifting from you.

Blue.