new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[monkey_magic]

Just read your post EM's...

Feral dog is lurking...is stalking. I too hope and pray it was caught speeding!

From an outsider's perspective how scary...as we know what it's capable of. Is it worth reporting to police?

Wish I could smack him to the ground for you. How dare he still after all this time bother you like that.

Well done staying calm, I'm really proud of you.

It doesn't look like this is going away.

Stay safe hun...

You will be in my thoughts.

Rem, self defence is not a crime.

[ecomama]

Hi Monkey

IF it dares to walk into my presence I'm MOST DEFINITELY calling the Police.

I hope that speed camera caught it.... lol.... add that charge to the long list of criminal stupidity.

It's a psychopath so USUALLY slithers right under the radar of what can catch it in the act.

BUT some times, just sometimes, it's anger gets the better of it and it completely loses control where there are witnesses. Pity most of that happened in the past where the witnesses were it's family, so no witnesses at all for us.

Just blatant liars under Oath. They don't have a conscience AT ALL.

The thing is that if it EVEN remotely remembers who I AM... it will know the kids are moving into money and powerful careers.

It wants the money.
It wants to destroy their careers.

You see jealousy is right up there as a very powerful motive to destroy others, esp us.
It's jealousy is truly an INSANITY. It's crazy jealousy I witnessed so much first hand.
It was jealous of MY features... thick hair for example... it is balding and has awful hair.
My skin also.. it has acne and psoriasis and eczema and black heads and horrible pimples.
The kids and I have none of that and that drove it CRAZY.
The list is VERY long, I'll stop there lol.

Go figure.

And the BIGGEST thing is that we are SENSIBLE with our money.
We establish great careers and businesses and work them sensibly and with RESPECT.
They are Socially very respectful careers.

It HATES that.

IT'S family doesn't have POLICE God no... or Lawyers or Accountants or Teachers lol OR PSYCHOLOGISTS omg... Ours does and will have more as time goes on...

Now it has no access... it drives it insane not to have ANY control.
And have to creep around in the shadows... but it enjoys doing that.

Although it prefers the spotlight ALOT more, endless praise for nothing, it's empty.
It needs SUPPLY. It's missing out on MANY MANY PARTIES... it doesn't realise there's no alcohol lol.

Anyway enough of that lol!
I have a Party to get more stuff for at the SHOPS YAY!
AND then we're spending a couple of hours working together to get the dungeon prepped lol.

I can keep going down there once the party starts... I cater and disappear lol!

Might even get some Gardening in lol!

MAN it's a HOT ONE TODAY... what are you guys up to?

Love EM

[monkey_magic]

You just made the hair on the back of my neck stand up with your description of the creep.

Did he deliberately wait for you? Ems I think that is very serious. You would know of course but I love how you are getting on with your life brushing it off like the vermin it is....
Until the big catch.

Oh hunny this is terrible. Being stalked like that is a criminal offence. I would do my best to take pictures if U see it again.

Today I don't have any partying to do lol...but I am making a marinated beef stir-fry, might go for a walk later and might do a video for the casting call.

[ecomama]

Hey I know it's bad.

I was scrambling for my phone at the lights but couldn't get it out in time.
It's a lesson to me to have my phone ready when I go out.

Funny thing is??? Not funny but instinctive.... I offered to buy all my 18yos a dash cam for their cars for their birthdays.

okay Yvette is starting work in a minute, got called in early but she's happy for the money and to GET OUT OF THE DUNGEON lol...

Only had 2 kids helping down there today so far but we got a LOT cleared out and it's beginning to look more awesome. ANOTHER 11 bags of rubbish and SO much other really big stuff.

I'm up to 23 bags of garbage now... I'm marking it off on my phone.

Plus massive boxes and fat bits of foam etc. So much so I asked one son to order a Council pick up. They're coming on Tuesday NIGHT! OH YAY.

Soon I won't be able to get my car in my long driveway, it's all lining up there and great to see lol.

The Party next weekend is the biggest one so it'll be gone by then.

Oh I must mention something on your thread lol.

See you over there later
Love EM

[Guest_498]

Bingo. This is exactly what you want. Demon will keep stalking until he gets what he wants. Be patient. Stay calm. Document every stalking event in a diary (time, date, place). As soon as you've amassed all evidence with his repetitive stalking behaviour (letters, visits, calls, bday cards, including others he used to convey messages & contacts ie: mother & Shep), go to police. If police not willing to take action. Go see a lawyer at legal aid & commence proceedings yourself. You mightnt even need a lawyer if you have evidence and know what youre going to argue. I was hoping he'll do something like this. And hes done it. I had a feeling he would. Thats great, bloody excellent.
Also get the children to complain to their psychologist re: anxiety & fear. It would further strengthen your case. The grinding of teeth, missed school & absence from work. This shows emotional stress. Remember what I said, it doesn't have to be violent in nature. 🙂
I feel happy already. Soo happy. I hope he keeps stalking. Just remain calm. This is exactly what you want.

[Guest_498]

Monkey, I love beef stir fry!! I love making an easy peasy beef, onion and red capsicum black bean stir fry. I keep it simple. Some ppl use corn flour mixed with water for a thick sauce, but i keep mine pretty dry but with oil. Another coiking idea for me. Yum. Thanks bbg.

[Guest_498]

So, we have a vietnamese restaurant here and theyre food is soo yumny. I get takeaway there frequently. Im going to order vietnamese pancakes & prawn springrolls for dinner tonight. A break from cooking. Cant wait.

[ecomama]

Thanks girls, Yeah I have my mind set straight.

Collect evidence.
Call Police if it approaches - kids know to do same.

I have my plan.
Can't rely on Police - they're inundated here atm PLUS they've screwed up three times before.
They're not as organised as me lol.

I get THINGS RIGHT when I'm steering the ship - no cock ups.

demon "conflicted me out" of Legal Aid advice of ANY type remember?
I own too much by far to get Legal Aid anyway.
it acts like a princess lol but can't access Women's Legal Service LOL!

When I get "enough" evidence I will call WLS and they'll probably say "We were expecting your call lol - it never ends for you, does it?"

I'm incidentally sussing out which Law firm to go with...
I'm Praying for an ANGEL and when I've done this twice before I GOT THEM.

Maybe someone at my Church. Been too busy with kids dropoffs etc to go to Church on a Saturday AND to finish my Bible Study Course uggh.
I can go to Food Pantry on Thursday to ask... not feelin' it.... that's not the right path to go legally.

But I NEED to line up everything first.

I didn't tell you but our house alarm went off at 3am this morning. First time.
Not happy.
No CCTV footage either.
There is ONE blind spot.
NOT HAPPY.

It's ok. All good girls.

TOMORROW is my belated birthday present from the Adult children... a Pamper day.
Lunch out and probably going to a Bra shop lol... these heffers need help!
Also a pedicure.
Should be LOVERLY.

So... self care / beauty treatments LOL I am so NOT good at that stuff.
As I said on Blubes thread, my h/dresser costs $80 for the while shebang.
I need to book her for this week but I may have missed out already.

I had false eyelashes in that year of "Wild Abandon" lol but they hurt! They also pulled out the lashes I already had and that's yuck.
I had them and my nails redone in Switzerland last time lol... interesting asking for what I wanted in French lol.

How often do you need lashes done?

I need to put more in to myself. ALL my more ummm self caring friends lol have all had botox and plastic surgery for heaps! They all look a bit lopsided in eyes and when they smile now.
Not doing that.
Not doing nails, they'd be trashed with my gardening & heavy work downstairs still to come.

Might get a facial! One son's girlfriend's mums owns a Beauty Salon near my work.

I AM putting on heavy duty hand cream at night. My hands are still spewing out lantana thorns!

Love EM

[Guest_498]

Ems,

Eyelash extensions can pull out your natural eyelashes, yes. However, this generally only happens with long-term use (your eyelashes naturally fall out anyway, then grow again) or if you were tugging at them hard whilst washing your face or something like that. Whilst you have them on, be gentle and clean around them. Don't play with them. They last normally 2-3 weeks or a month before refills are required.

Yay, go make app't with your hairdressers and spa also. Im sooo jealous. We have another 2 weeks before the next restriction easing announcement. Ugh.

Please go buy another cctv cam for the blindspot - the alarm went off last night is not sitting well with me at all, Please take care darl. Don't be alarmed but be a little more cautious. Please buy one tmr and install right away.

Love Blubes

[ecomama]

Yeah I'm feeling pretty vigilant tbh.

I need to get a guy out to do some adjustments to the CCTV cameras and want to hook them up to my phone etc... just intuiting WHOM to go with there. Not the guy who installed them.

My Uncle intends on closing the bottom porch off both sides and making it into an indoor room.
Plans I had since forever.
One CCTV is IN that undercover porch area and my Uncle wants to move it himself eeeeeeeeek.
No.

THEN we can have that one facing out into the backyard but only AFTER the room is finished.
Tbh it creeps me out having one "down" atm.

I'll have to talk with whomever does the work.

Anyway there's a family member who could do the work... not sure if I can ask him. He's snowed under. He's a "professional computer hacker" and more and has his house set up with the works! lol.

Okay lashes - got the details lol.
Oh I tugged at them all right, they got itchy!

Finances are going to be super tight after Christmas... lots of changes to things here.

Yvette is doing well atm.
I hope she stays ok when school goes back.

Today, I had a good open hearted talk with the son who was in the grey area about demon a few weeks ago. We both had a cry. He said he has NO INTENTION to see demon and he knows he needs to protect his gf from demon and any future children he has.
So no.
We had lots of hugs.
I miss him.
He spends alot of time travelling with gf to her mum's down south and that's beautiful.

He's also focussed on his studies really well now... he said "I don't want to go back to the way I was with school before. I like it now and really want to do well. I can't with dad in the picture"
Lol too right there. He wasn't even GOING to school. He was SO depressed and traumatised.
He wouldn't get out of bed.

He also said he's worried about Yvette and didn't even realise the effects that would all have on her (he didn't know she was suicidal and he does now because it's important he knows).

AND lastly he said he only wanted ONE meeting with him to ask him questions about why he did what he did.
I said he wouldn't get a speck of truth OUT of demon. Just lies. Trying to ply him with alcohol.
That ONE meeting would open a disgusting lava flow, you don't know where it would end.

Just finished cleaning downstairs bathroom. Ugh.

I found a stash of around 30 plastic flat packed storage boxes WTH?? Where did they come from? I didn't buy them. 2 difft sizes too.

So crazy weird.

EM