new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Guest_1643]

stay strong lovely woman

this is a horrible time for triggers

how dare she indeed.

[ecomama]

Thankyou dear Sleepy, heavens still not typing well.

I typed out the vitriol and went inside to make the next batch of chocolate mousses for tomorrow. Watching Midsomer Murders lol.

I hope these mousses all turn out okay bec my typos are EEEEEEEk lol.

I reacted in so many ways.

BUT as the letter was addressed "Mrs...(and my previous last name ie theirs)" I want to seal it back up. Maybe with really sticky glue I found whilst decluttering lol!!

Write on it "RTS, NOT KNOWN AT THIS ADDRESS"

LOLOLOL.

What do you think Sleepy?

Yeah. It's not MY Contact, it's their returned to them.

Then send ALL everything back to their address when it arrives.

Maybe they'll get sick of receiving such USELESS mail!

I'm certainly sick of it.

Love EM
PS: OH I'm going to put a SMILEY face at the bottom. 😁

Fight evil with ridicule. Evil ppl hate to be laughed at.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Haha, yep, that's me. By the way, thank you for taking time out of your Christmas morning to post on my PTSD thread, it means a lot.

That's some impressive hoarding right there. At least her garbage bags have something useful in them, easy to pass on. Mum's, a lot of her journalling (fair enough, I guess) and a heap of junk.

Hm, here I thought Cheap as Chips was probably nation wide. Guess not. There will be equivalents, as you say.

Okay, sack trolley no good. Crane? Hehe.

Sorry to see talking to your friends has had the wrong end result. Covid is really causing havoc, isn't it? For people like us, I think probably the least of our worries! Neurotypicals, though, they're not doing so good with it. Great idea to encourage tourism, wasn't it? I'm sure with your good sense you'll navigate just fine with any restrictions required over the silly season.

Okay, that's a decent strategy for prodigal son. As for having all the other kids' stuff... boundaries, my friend. I'd be setting (realistic) goals for them to at least chip away at their belongings there, with a consequence if they're not met, so you're not stuck with them forever.

Good idea putting the old carpet over the lantana, I like that practical streak you've got.

I was doing cooking yesterday, too, some food gifts. Also taking on board your voucher idea, I think it's great. Giving Sis one for doing her yard when she needs it (she has no end of trouble getting help with it), and for my brother a meal delivery (he's a real foodie and enjoys my cooking).

My company is actually fairly good with public holiday pay (union leaning on them a lot, haha), it's the government that's responsible for the fiasco this year, deciding Boxing/Proclamation Day (whatever it is, I never remember - more like Hangover Day) isn't a public holiday. Jerks.

I understand where you're at with your partner, hard to be there for him if you haven't got yourself right, to have the strength for it. I live with mine, so there's not really room to step back when I'm not up to it. He's mostly understanding but woke me yesterday when I desperately needed some rest. Very frustrating.

How dare that woman write to you? Did you actually read the letter? My strategy for dealing with it, whether read or not, would involve a lighter and a slightly maniacal grin on my face. 😉

Wishing you a time out from all the crap, and a really good Christmas - done your way - with your family.

Blue.

[ecomama]

Hi Blue

It's a privilege to know you & write to you on your thread.
Thankyou for your wisdom & understanding on mine. xxxx

Yeah Chrissy was great. Relaxing. Cleaned up most of it. The rest to do today.

The voucher idea works a TREAT! Knowing what people actually WANT & being able to give it to them during the year takes the pressure off somewhat lol.

Aha I read that evil demon mil's letter, gosh here come the shakes again.... omg it's exhausting.
Mrs... blerghhh. She's SO tight with money I can't believe she bought a stamp for it!
NORMALLY she put small squares of cardboard for each the kids with a demanding rant to each of them "SEE YOUR FATHER" or some such in ONE envelope with ONE stamp lol!!!
Never a gift - too busy drinking and gambling it all IDC.

Moving UP in the world maybe lol! Maybe I should write that on the back of the letter "amazing they had the cents to buy a stamp" they're too busy extracting money for their habits from everyone else!

It's in my cupboard. "love" she even wrote THAT word love to ME. She doesn't have the capacity to know what that word means.

I saw her very words in Child Protection reports spanning OVER 15 years! I breastfed all my children AND home-schooled them too! WITH REAL LOVE.
I saw all those vitriolic lies at once in a doc emailed to me by my lawyer THEN up on the big screen in a secret Court. I could pick off who said what! yep mil, oh demon said that one, oh demons sister etc etc. For 15 God forsaken years.

I had no idea.
I was being betrayed by the very people I was pouring love into.

I'm SO ANGRY that I put CREAM in my decaf! LOLOL!
Funny thing is that IDK whether that's self-care or self-abuse doing that lol!!

I'll tick it off as self-care, omg I'm losing my mind I'm so angry.

I was great yesterday! Thought about it once, pondered whether to tell the children, decided NOT to then stopped thinking about it and got on with my day.

OKAY NOPE, I just remembered "The best revenge is living your BEST life!" and OH BOY AM I GONNA DO JUST THAT!

I SHOULD rejoin FB just to put up ALL the fancy diamonds BF has sent me lol!!
I won't. That's not my best life.

"Angry cleaning and gardening" it is LOL! I put on loud music and GO FOR IT.
Pity the kids are asleep but NOT in the garden!

Awww Blue! 2 Lorikeets just came to mama for food! They're pinching the chicken's seed lol, darling things!!! What JOY there is to be had just in my front garden in my PJs with the BIRDS!

Love EM

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone. Just coming to say hello, I haven't been around for a while. Hope everyone had a good Christmas.

[ecomama]

Hey mb20

How are you doing?

Yes had a pretty chilled Christmas but I cooked for alot of people, being my children and grandchildren so it was fun!

How about you?

EMxxxx

[Jstar49]

Hi ecomama,hi all,

This is such a long thread I am hesitant to comment, becos I can't read it all and catch up! But Em it's nice to know a little bit more about your story and I hope I'm not intruding.

How horrible to hear from an evil mil, and at Christmas time!

I am glad to read that youre taking it out in the garden, and by living your best life- thanks for the reminder!

I really think it would be good to burn that trash. You don't need it. Let the universe take it back to her in the most appropriate way.

It does remind me that ppl lie, and cheat and steal just to make their own story look better.

Sleepy, I love books so much too. Whenever i do a clean out I try and give away books, but they rarely make it out the door.

Hi Tayla, my Christmas was borderline awful, but better than other years- how was yours? Did you get any nice presents?

I bought myself a new pendant, symbolises new beginnings. I have to keep reminding myself that my new beginnings rely on ME, not on anyone else's actions.

Cheers,

J*

PS em, is it really possible to wear 45 pairs of shoes?? Is that including gumboots and thongs? Tee hee 🧡👠

[ecomama]

HI peeps

Well there's never a dull moment with kids, that's for sure and exactly what my grandmother used to say when she phoned me for an update.

Blah blah today and was fined 2 lots of $697 fines driving p.son's car.

It wasn't REGISTERED OMG.

Omg seriously.

The kind policeman heard p.son crying on the phone, then fined me lol, then told me ALL the reasons I could give to contest the fines.. back to dealing with legal stuff yuck.

It's now sitting forlorn on the side of the road. Alexa had to pick me up in MY car so I could get back home. P.son stayed home instead of going out with friends to try to sort it all out online.

Basically p.son thought he HAD registered it, he's been paying a monthly Insurance bill... but yeah it wasn't insured bec it wasn't registered. So that insurance money was a waste too!

$1400 worth of fines. That was my only money left (earmarked for more of my dental work), out of that whole $10k draw down. The rest is assigned to bills, costs etc.

FT wages can't come quickly enough lol.
Oh well p.son said he knows now how to register his car.
He said he will NEVER do that again.

I was on my way back from trying to visit T to give her a Christmas present, but she wasn't home. We don't usually exchange presents anymore but she's lost 3 loved ones in less than a year and she loved my perfume when I visited, so I bought her that perfume.
That's when I was pulled over.

Still I'm grateful it happened, because it could have been WAY worse had one of us been in an accident! HOLY MOLEY so much worse.

I guess the Policeman did a search of my police records and could see I'm an angel lol. 😇 < that's me lol.

😵🥴 < that's me losing my mind with these kids lol.

P.son just didn't listen to his MAMA and listened to all the crap from the other family.
Listen to them and end up in trouble full stop is my advice to p.son now! (as it was before he left!) and NOW HE'S GETTING IT...

His bills are going to be so high by the end of next year. They're banking up and he's just wearing it.

But I own these fines. It's my trust and naivete to believe a young boy who had never done this process before, living with ppl like that. Still he ignored me and it's a mess.

ggrrr.

Onwards and upwards peeps!

Time for self-care lol.

EMxxxx

[Guest_1643]

Hi Em

so stressful with the fines and icky i know u didn't need that... this time of year

it's an easy thing to forget but those fines are enormous and really frustrating

at least the police were helpful
I was abused by one once and called a menace!!!

!!!

!!

Like you my record is pretty good - but okay.. i'm a menace

this time of year is so hard i feel for u EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM (waves to everyone else),

What a kind thing to say. Thank you, the feeling is mutual. 🙂

Glad your Christmas went well. The vouchers were received with minimal enthusiasm, I think they'll appreciate the value when they need to call them in.

Ugh, I understand how your skin must crawl to receive such an unwelcome letter. Some people are so toxic. I'd still go with burning it, much better than acknowledging the sender in any way. People like that live for reactions, they like to bring out the worst in their betters. Don't give it to her!

Cream in your decaf, huh? If you enjoyed it, let's say self-care. It'd be self-abuse if I did it, lactose intolerant, haha. Can't say I'd fight you for decaf, either, caffeine is what makes coffee beautiful!

Yes, the best revenge is living well. Using your anger to get some work done around the house is productive and working for you, so good choice.

Hehe, got a chuckle out of your lorikeet story, delightful little things, and cheeky.

Crumbs, those are some hefty fines! I got pulled over driving my partner's car unregistered once, the cop was actually pretty good. Understood that it wasn't my car so I didn't know it wasn't registered, asked me to contact my partner and get him to pay it online straight away and off I went. I've had a real mixed bag of experiences with cops, glad I got a good one that day.

Blue.