new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Guest_1643]

the window and the view sounds spectacular - what a special thing to have. So you can see the water?! that's magic, magic, magic... 🙂 i can understand that as i've never bought a couch new. It's a little intimidating ! An investment.
One couch is from one goodwill place and the other is from a different one. One is dark blue and one is grey. I can see the dark blue being nice also with plants and greenery. Interesting idea about making a wall disappear. That is a true design question there.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Sorry to hear you had such a rough start to the day. Your reaction to the Centrelink stuff is wholly understandable. Sounds like your situation was a million miles worse, but I can relate to some extent. Things got ugly when my parents split - courts, custody battle, Mum's own family turning on her along with Dad's (the latter being less surprising, they were never especially supportive). Mum still freaks out at Centrelink paperwork - it certainly doesn't help that they think they need vivid detail on past marriages - what the hell for?!

Anyway, I'm having a pretty low energy day today, I'll reply to the other stuff later. Just want you to know I hear you and I understand. From the self care thread, looks like you perked up a bit since you posted that. I hope so. Take good care of yourself.

Blue.

[Guest_498]

Yes, paint the rafters white. Dark navy blue colour for wall will be nice with the water view & open transparent windows. Beautiful look. I love that look. Umm, just keep in mind the style you want to create before putting any colour on wall. Like are you hoping to acheive a semi french country shabby chic or provincial look? Or more seaside french hampton look?? The dark navy wall screams hampton style to me. Dark navy against silver chrome looks AMAZING!!!

[Guest_1643]

hey all ! I saw a pic online with a blue feature wall - the colour was dulux blue rhapsody. It was very deep!

[ecomama]

Sleepy21 said:the window and the view sounds spectacular - what a special thing to have. So you can see the water?! that's magic, magic, magic... 🙂 i can understand that as i've never bought a couch new. It's a little intimidating ! An investment.
One couch is from one goodwill place and the other is from a different one. One is dark blue and one is grey. I can see the dark blue being nice also with plants and greenery. Interesting idea about making a wall disappear. That is a true design question there.

Hi Sleepy and everyone, I had a LONG nap after work - I was up before 4am battening the hatches for a heat wave today. And it was hot! lol.

Yes we have beautiful water views, not quite 180 degrees, about 140 I guess.
My 1st house had a peek at the water (purchased that with brother), 2nd (bought by myself) SO HIGH up and sparkling water views, 3rd ON the water lol (but I kept the 2nd and had 2 houses by then).. then met demon ughhhhhh then the debts piled up and his financial abuse omg been in horrendous debt ever since... I found out he'd completely lied about his financial situation AFTER I was pregnant with the multiples - I kicked him out about a hundred times over stuff... almost lost this house 1 billion times...

WATER VIEWS yes!
So when ANYONE comes and even parks on the road they gasp and say "WOW are THOSE your views?"
When you step into the l/room or even from the kitchen you can see the water. I wash the dishes to that view lol.
The water always leads ppl out to the l/room then they are DRAWN to the balcony, to the left of the l/room and just lean over it to look at the water, then say "OMG how much LAND do you have?" - yeah alot and a HUGE mortgage to match lol!

Then "are THOSE fruit trees? How many do you have?"

Same set of qsn every time lol.

Lounges yeah.
BARELY a stick of furniture bought brand new.
Being a single mum and even worse with demon - he gambled our savings and redrew on mortgages for years without my knowledge etc...
I've seldom bought new anything tbh.

The Interior design thing is more of a distraction not a huge focus.

The BUNGALOW is a huge focus lol! Sent BF first sketch for him to draw up Architecturally for us, STEP 1 DOWN now. He's putting them on a 3D program he has.

Thousands of steps left to go there - I've given us 1y to 18 months to get all plans drawn to completion across the seas!

Hopefully we can BUILD it at some point!

Love EM

[ecomama]

Blue's Clues said:

Hey EM,

Sorry to hear you had such a rough start to the day. Your reaction to the Centrelink stuff is wholly understandable. Sounds like your situation was a million miles worse, but I can relate to some extent. Things got ugly when my parents split - courts, custody battle, Mum's own family turning on her along with Dad's (the latter being less surprising, they were never especially supportive). Mum still freaks out at Centrelink paperwork - it certainly doesn't help that they think they need vivid detail on past marriages - what the hell for?!

Anyway, I'm having a pretty low energy day today, I'll reply to the other stuff later. Just want you to know I hear you and I understand. From the self care thread, looks like you perked up a bit since you posted that. I hope so. Take good care of yourself.

Blue.

Thankyou Blue, sorry to hear you're having a rough day! HUGS!

Maybe it was worse but prob same reaction lol!

demon ex had lied to EVERY single Govt agency about me.
He'd breached EVERY single Govt account, utility account, even my Super account.

many years of me being SO confused until I woke up and realised how evil he was.
Then I ploughed through everything, contacting every single one, most thought I was lying as per... but it took 18 months solid to sort out C/link alone on top of doing all else.
Then I SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN HARD.

I've got the highest security on my Medicare account than anyone in Australia, it was that bad.

Then 5 years of Courts and THAT paperwork was saturated with never enough money to feed the kids - ALL went to Lawyers and Barristers + rolling debts demon hid from me.

No time to sleep.

Churches fed us for that whole time and spots afterwards too as the debts kept rolling in.

demon cost me up to 3 million dollars in total but the KIDS ARE SAFE from him now.

My accounts are as safe as can be.

It'll take years for me to recover emotionally and psychologically, if I ever do.

Financially I'll never recover but who cares now lol... I'll do my best!
As long as I can keep my job - going back to full time next year - very hard with Yvette not being mentally well...
Then build the bungalow and put tenants in there. Might get around $375 - $450 per week rent.
Will prob need to build it without a loan lol!
Cheeses.

Great investment though!

Hope you feel better very soon!

Love EM

[ecomama]

Bluberry said:Yes, paint the rafters white. Dark navy blue colour for wall will be nice with the water view & open transparent windows. Beautiful look. I love that look. Umm, just keep in mind the style you want to create before putting any colour on wall. Like are you hoping to acheive a semi french country shabby chic or provincial look? Or more seaside french hampton look?? The dark navy wall screams hampton style to me. Dark navy against silver chrome looks AMAZING!!!

Hi Blubes, oh dear tricky questions LOLOL!

I HAVE NO IDEA what look but can you help me decide?

I LOVE ALL those styles.

Do I have to settle on ONE and do the whole thing that one way?

Some elements not being replaced concern me... I'd be in the same conundrum even if I was starting from scratch bec I love ALL those styles.

Elements NOT being replaced (yet):
- dark brown lounge
- dark brown timber flooring
- rafters (although I WILL paint them white)
- bricks...

There are lots of antique pieces all dark brown. I can move all but one out into other places.
Large "ole English style desk" very heavy and with our tech on it.
A deep red velvet chaise lounge prob going in my b/room when I move rooms.

I'm thinking to try to mount the TV on the "dulux blue rhapsody" lol wall... or whatever blue we paint.
ONE less cabinet then. Can move that antique out then.

HELP!

I have a rattan foot stool with dark brown faux leather padded top - can recover that... when we decide on what colour (previously to opening this all up here I was thinking shimmery turquoise velvet from Spotlight to compliment the turquoise in the peacocks on my lounge cushions = now IDK).

NB: I bought a light cornflower blue chalk paint to paint my upcycled Adirondack balcony chair... that's more Hampton lol! omg

No idea lol.

Off to pick up Yvette from dancing and cook dinner.

Thankyou EVERYONE!

Love EM

[Guest_498]

So, I understand that interior design is a distraction atm .. Its a good distraction and you can design your home for very little $$ given the things you buy. Some things can look a million dollars without the price tag.

Firstly, you have your heart set on dark blue wall. What Sleepy suggested - dulux blue rhapsody (I googled it) is a BEAUTIFUL colour. I love that colour. There's another shade just slightly lighter, in the dulux as well, is Blue quarry. Both gorgeous colour. Get sample pots first and see the 2 colours on the wall once they're dry and take it from there. Do you have to pick a theme? Yes, of course. Certain rooms you can go different theme. Ie: bedroom, bath, laundry etc. These can have their own theme but you want to keep uniform the living, kitchen, informal living, and dining area. Personally, I would go French Hampton style - it's more elegant and more impressive. The chabby chick look is ok (imo) - for me, it.s too country and too shabby. It can look like shite if its not done right and in good taste. By way of country, I would be leaning more toward provincial (not as shabby). Provencial as with shabby chic is white themed. Most things are white - in your case steer clear from the white (shabby). I'd say go Hampton. Classy. Furthermore, in considering your furniture and timber floor .. dark brown will go well with the dark blue. It'll be lovely. Break up the darkness with lighter coloured in material things such as throw rugs, cushions, even fake flowers on the coffee table such as a simple magnolia in a clear vase or something.
- bricks - definitely paint the bricks also.

I hope this helps.

Blubes xx

[Guest_1643]

blue quarry also very gorgeous... i like them both a lot. i think blue with the floors will lift everything.
I love those styles too... Shabby chic is fun but I find it complex to pull off as well. I like the idea of silver or maybe even gold touches as well ... detailing in the furniture 🙂

[ecomama]

Thanks Blubes and Sleepy

Yes I was in my bathroom; blue floor tiles and all white the rest - wall tiles, bath, shower, sink, vanity etc but has a Vintage bevelled mirror in decorative French Hampton style.
Silver towel rails & everything silver (matches the mirror edges).

And because I bought all new kitchen appliances this year - stainless steel look French door fridge and new dishwasher also silver.
Then black for the rest - new stove and oven.
I ACTUALLY bought a resin kit - black with sparkles in it lol to redo the benchtops when I have the nerve and HELP! (I got it a HUGE discount and love it).
The kitchen is SO BRIGHT I have to put a styrofoam sheet in the skylight during the warmer months.

Anyway not thinking about the kitchen much more atm - I bought those gorgeous bamboo lidded storage things for my bench top to soften it up a bit.
I'll do the benchtop um later lol.

Back to loungeroom. I have a gorgeous throne like chair - just an antique chair a shop literally GAVE me when I dropped of about 15 bags of donations lol - it sits at the desk...
I'm thinking to cover the old worn out leather seat (not as a fixed cover as it just pops out and you wrap material around)... in the same material as the foot stool.

I might wait till the end of removing unwanted furniture from that room and painting everything etc before I check back in with a colour for those 2.

And to change the cushions on the lounge.
I have dark blue thick velvet cushions and 2 linen covered cushions with pretty peacocks in turquoise and a bit of hot pink. Cute.

And the loungeroom theme needs to be carried out on to the balcony BECAUSE it literally looks like one long room because of all the glass.

Balcony also has mission brown rafters - I think I should paint ALL the rafter white at the same time???
I'll have to scrub the iron roof clean first but I won't paint that bec it will peel to billeo almost immediately bec of the extreme heat we get right there.
It's a light taupe colour so white rafters will look lovely against it.

These are all prob "cooler months jobs" as these two rooms are the hottest in the house.

Plus we're changing rooms with a deadline of end of January. Ripping up carpet, whitewashing floors - THE LOT for the kid's rooms anyway.

My room will be left till last. Prob after the bungalow is built. ALL GOOD. I have most of what I need for my room anyway.

THANKS GIRLS!