new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey EM,

Very glad to hear your dear chicken is looking a bit happier today. That sounds like a lot of years for a chicken, what a little powerhouse she is. 🙂

I'll keep that in mind. I wonder though, what is your perception of minimalism? It is often thought of incorrectly as just getting rid of everything and living a very spartan existence. What it really is, is removing things that aren't important to make room for that which is. For instance, you removed toxic relationships from your life. You now have room for healing. As for belongings, let's say you have four pairs of tongs in the kitchen, but you only need one. Pick your favourite, give away the rest. You waste less time looking for tongs in future because your drawer is less cluttered, & can get straight into cooking. Anything you use and/or simply enjoy - keep it. Simple. It's about only having things, relationships and commitments that add value to your life, not things that don't.

I'll write the budgeting book for you. 😉 I've been a pauper all my days. I've done so much research over years and made a whole lot of little changes that have made my few dollars go a lot further. I'll leave the DV book to you, personally I rather leave that stuff behind me. But good on you. And a gardening Vlog? I'm a terrible gardener, maybe I could learn from it.

Sorry to hear of your mum's struggles, that must have been hard to grow up with. My mum isn't the most stable woman either, but not violent or manipulative (despite accusations of the latter from various others in her life). Just very sad, and tired and not really a functional human being.

Hm, I could certainly give it a go. Most of my threads like that peter out pretty quickly (like my minimalism thread) - I find my enthusiasm outlives that of others, but it might be a thing, for a while. I'm certainly more than willing to share some of my financial wisdom when I have a minute. Trying to get stuck into some house work today, getting rid of some clutter and organising my space better. That stuff makes ol' Blue happy.

Oh, I don't blame you for having a buoyed mood for having a happier chicken. I'm very glad for you both. I have my first born birdie on my shoulder as I type. Somehow got to coax him back to his cage now so I can resume my house work, haha.

Sounds good. I abridge many a recipe, myself, few remain how they started. I'll try and remember to put that Mexican recipe on your recipe thread.

Kind thoughts to you and your chicken.

Blue.

[Guest_1643]

a minamlism thread sounds awesome!!!how interesting as that topic came up here !!!

🙂 marie kondo would be proud.
I think I got a little too much with Marie Kondo - gave away so so many clothes!

But owning so much just isn't practical so I guess it's okay in the long run -!

Blue's Clues that so lovely that you have a bird... lots of animal lovers here

[ecomama]

Thanks Blue, yes my darling girl is back in my bed now lol. I have an outdoor chair pad & micro fibre cloths under her. She hasn't eaten much at all. But at least she drank some water & actually tried to have a bath!

Our rescue poodle wondered what on earth she was doing in HIS spot next to me on my lounge on the balcony. He seemed to understand me when I told him, then sat right next to her.
I took a photo, it was so cute.

I'll take ANY improvement but I thank her for her life. When she needs to go, I know she will. Sadly.

I reckon the saving money will be a HUGE hit Blue. Now probably more than ever tbh, since covid hit & the financial ramifications.
The whole idea of that thread got me thinking of different paths it could cover bec there's SO MUCH in saving money.... like even Tax Returns. I'm a Trojan with them lol. I've been audited 5 times! and the only thing that happened twice was that they paid me MORE (they stopped auditing me lol!)... I've never cheated nor had an irregularity in my returns but I was audited bec I get so much more back than my Colleagues doing the same job (& I don't have a business but will one day).
Anyway I'll leave that for your thread lol!!

I reckon it will boom.

Yes gardening lol, love it.

Minimalism: why don't you revive your thread on that? I can tell Blubes and the girls about it.
Um did you see that Ab Fab episode where Eddie and Patsy visit friends who've gone "minimalist"?
Well that's hilarious and THAT'S the first thing I think of lol.

But I do do what you said about the tongs. And other stuff besides tongs lol..

I started (better) since we got demon out of the house but he kept coming back & doing damage etc. Long story.

Suffice to say it'll take a long while. But when I DO get the time to go through a cupboard / box / wardrobe... I really enjoy it.
The kids are getting better at moving things on too.

But just one at a time bec we end up filling the hallway with "unwanteds" & until I take them to where they're going, I won't start another one.
Atm the hallway is full of unwanteds so it's a juggle as to when I get to places to drop it off.

Being an eco freak lol, I refuse to do car trips for one purpose only.

But we had a Council pickup a few weeks ago (of unrepairable damaged stuff) which was more than 8 cubic metres lol.

Our next pickup is January, we're piling stuff around the side of the house ready for it.

Love EM

[ecomama]

Sleepy21 said:

a minamlism thread sounds awesome!!!how interesting as that topic came up here !!!

🙂 marie kondo would be proud.
I think I got a little too much with Marie Kondo - gave away so so many clothes!

But owning so much just isn't practical so I guess it's okay in the long run -!

Blue's Clues that so lovely that you have a bird... lots of animal lovers here

Lol Yes Marie Kondo would LOVE us!

SEE BLUE!!

You've piqued the interest of ONE devotee at least!

Hey Sleepy, apparently Blue already had a thread on this.... I hope she can find it to revive it!

Anyway move over lol, I want her to start one on saving money! lol.

If she doesn't then I will because it's a BRILLIANT idea too.

How you doing Sleepy?

Love EM

[Guest_498]

Hey Ems,
Yeh, I now understand why youre not interested in J. Youve known him for so long, hes like a brother to you. I get it. Hmm I had an ex who was a sex addict, too. Its hard to trust them.
Hello gorgeous chook. How r u doing darling? Sweet girl.
So Im meeting my flatmates girlfriend tmr sometime. He told me yesterday she was coming over tmr. I asked him whether shes sweet over dinner tonight. He said shes sweet. I also told him to stop referring to her as a 'friend' when shes clearly more than that. He said "shes a girl and shes a friend. I left it alone.
We spoke about some stuff this evening and I mentioned my Spainish ex. He made a not too kind remark about him. I countered what he said...then he rolled his eyes with the Italian dismissive hand gesture. I said to him "youre on fire tonight arent you"? He said nevermind and changed subjects.
So all afternoon hes talking about the beautiful women hes seen today, but I cant talk about my ex? Whats up with that? Im confused.
Blubes. X

[ecomama]

Hi Blubes, funny how "the talk" goes something like that...

J says exactly the same thing about women he's sleeping with "oh they're just friends"...

Nah they're not.

I call it but we have a decades long history of me calling it lol, I wouldn't call much with flattie.

Simple observation being your major ally. It's not a good idea to tell a man you don't know very well that much, but that's me. I'd keep schtum.

Keep it light Blubes.

Maybe you can practice your conversational Italian with flattie instead!

Pretty cool you get to meet his friend who happens to be a girl. I BET she has a very different idea about their relationship lol. Remember how he said "it's complicated"?

Re: Suburra... ugh... Lele!
Thank goodness Samurai is out now.

I gotta hit the hay now, photos tomorrow. I'll find out more about what they're about I hope...

Good luck meeting gf tomorrow, I hope she's really nice!

Love EM

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Sleepy,

Thanks for the encouragement. Managed to revive the old thread before I nodded off last night. I've been guilty of getting carried away with minimising on occasion, but like all things, one learns balance over time. Less is still better, if you ask me.

I have two birds, actually. They are such beautiful companions. I do enjoy seeing all the animal love around here. 🙂

Blue.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey there EM,

Another day of chicken love. I am heartened by her. Trying to bathe is a great sign. I understand it may be a short term improvement, but I'm glad you get to share these moments with her (and that your poodle is being understanding of the shift in your attention).

Well, I kicked off both the budgeting and minimalism threads last night before I dozed off, both in the Staying Well section. Wow, you've been audited five times? I never have, but however well I do with tax returns, I just don't make enough to begin with for it to look impressive on paper, haha.

Sorry, can't say I've seen Ab Fab, I tend to watch nerdier stuff than that. I can imagine the hijinks, though.

It sounds like you do regular clean-outs and are pretty effective at it. You may be a minimalist and not even know it! Perhaps the trick you could do with is slowing down the flow of stuff coming in, instead, so you don't have to fill up the hall with "unwanteds" too often. I've been there, but it was my carport instead of the hall. Though it sounds like you've got that too, with the council pick-up coming. Boy, the memories that come with reading that. Completely respect your position on car usage, by the way.

Gotta ask, how are you doing in general? Coping with triggers from the past, with your offsprings' needs, with work and renovations and feeling like you don't have time? It's a lot on your plate.

Blue.

[ecomama]

HI Blue

I'm not getting any PTSD triggers anymore. Ofcourse I have the horrible memories but they're just about where I want them, only there to call on eg to remember what it's like, to gain empathy for others.

Other than darling chicken I would say things are going well!!
lol, there's ALWAYS something to complain about with this many kids, a demanding career, overseas lover & the rest lol... but I'm good.

I have a Specialist appt & a Drs appt on the same day this week, so who knows how THEY'LL say I'm going lol... not very nice health issues to investigate there.

Blues, compared to my hoarder father & my extreme hoarder mother, I'm an EXTREME minimalist! lol.

I have family possessions going back further than 7 generations. demon ex destroyed most of it but DO know some things I have. I've lovingly restored some precious pieces... my great grandmother's treadle sewing machine with stained glass windows - that's in my loungeroom.
And my gorgeous marble topped antique wash bowl holder, probably has a fancy name but we call it "the cat's table"! lol... We feed our cat on that now so the dog won't kill him lol.

Lots of other things. But so much destroyed which I'm yet to make a full inventory of.. probably no point in ruminating over it all anyway. I'd just like to firmly know so I don't go looking for stuff.

I think my Family History research till the 1300s is gone. Very sad.

Tbh I seldom buy a THING.
I replaced my broken kitchen appliances this year - stove & oven (been broken 20+y), fridge I had for over 30y lol, dishwasher.

I'm not a big shopper at all.
I usually repair things.
I will always replace a zipper or stitch something up if it can be repaired.

But our family are very creative. Painters / artists, seamstresses, embroiderers, woodworkers, builders... gardeners... etc
INCREDIBLE readers but demon destroyed books too.
I gave up pottery so gave all that away.
So these creative pursuits mean alot of 'stuff'.

Being eco peeps we do stacks for that... composting in about 7 places lol, worm farming, biodynamic / organic materials for gardening.

Growing & preserving our organic food is a PASSION of mine.
What I can't use or give away, we preserve in many ways, I LOVE that lifestyle.
THIS is what I will definitely get into alot more as the kids leave home & I work less... if either happen lol!
ALL this is a shared passion with fiancee, he's into it as much as I am! He can't DO it atm but he wants to here with me.

Love EM

[ecomama]

Hey Blue

I saw your minimalism thread re-started and it's going so well!!!

Yay!!!

We're gonna have spick and span homes in NO time!

Would you like to start a money saving thread?

If not I'm happy to start it dearest girl.

Btw my darling chicken is hanging in there, sweet thing. She's talking to us but not eating or drinking this afternoon.
I thought my eldest daughter was going to tell me to euthanase her at the vet, I started to cry worried she would say that but she said she'd never say that. Seriously I'm such a sook, this is breaking my heart.

I just hope she's not in pain.

Love EM