new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Guest_498]

Sleepy, you said, "I'm very disappointed that they reduced jobseeker/jobkeeper. But I'm grateful about the mental health funding although lord knows it was overdue". Don't get me started here lol - this isn't the forum to talk politics but I replied to a post on Twitter that took a swipe at Dan Andrews re: Victoria's job growth and the mental health of Victorians! The Liberal Govt cut jobseeker & jobkeeper whilst in a pandemic & recession and he wants to talk about our mental health?? A narrative to pretend he cares? Seriously? Outrages. Moreover, the budget. That freakin' budget!! The budget isn't a 'covid recovery' budget, it's a budget to line the pockets of the rich. What benefit would a tax cut serve to ppl without a job or on jobseeker? None. And, those who are working (on low-medium income) would essentially be receiving $21.00 per week in their tax return. Big whoop. #Libspill. #outrightlie. Moreover, if LP really cares about our mental health, why wouldn't they invest in infrastructure such as housing to house ppl in need (infrastructure yields better return for investment, creates jobs etc), invest in childcare (again both men and women are able to work), and raise the threshold of Jobseeker so they wouldn't be living in strict poverty (welfare recipients are more likely to spend to stimulate the economy). The rich are more likely to save their money. So as I've said, this is not a covid recovery budget. It's a farce. I'm passionate about this and I'm seriously over Libs. End rant.

Another interesting thing .. the travel bubble .. there were 17 New Zealanders in Victoria. Erm, the bubble did not extend to Victorians, how did they get to Victoria? Border force? Department of home affairs? Idk, go ask the Libs.

Maybe the new flatmate will bring some new vibes - I hope so. I hope he's easy to live with, I really do. This is my biggest concern whenever I get someone in. I keep thinking what if we don't get along, it'll be terrible. Fingers crossed.

[Guest_498]

Nevermind about my last question on son and car. "Alexa also said "(son) isn't going to get his Learner hours up down there is he?" and I said no". I keep forgetting son's in high school & his age. I can be so blonde at times. lol. Silly brain of mine.

[Guest_1643]

hey blubs...

totally crazy, right?! so agree with u!!! not a rant but a response!! to this madness.

I wasn't sure about the businesses reopening - how they'll aproach it. It will be interesting tomorrow.
It's been a really long lockdown and I wander how Dan will handle it tomorrow. If he'll wear the suit or the Northface. So many questions lol.
I can undrstand so well not knowing what the flatmate will bring - hate uncertainty myself and this guy is coming into your home! you seem to have good history before with flat mates, hopefully he'll be okay...

when I was in hospital recently there were so many people I didn't click with - they were grumpy and anti social. Then in the lsat few days a batch of friendly people came and I made really close friends. But for the first whole stay I was like oh my gosh this is not my scene and I was isolating myself away from the people. Weird vibes. I reckon that was the worst thing but it only lasted a short time until new peeps came.

Sounds like you get along great with flatmates - this man hopefully will be no exception. 🙂 I wander if he has good taste... with shows, music etc... and if you can enjoy movies together. Always nice to have that casual bonding in the home.

Here's praying for tomorrow!!!!!

[ecomama]

Hi Blubes

It'll be fine with new flattie. Keep positive for now.

Son is only on his Learner's still. He bought an automatic car about a month ago. He's been catching trains up and down. He hasn't got many hours left to do but he's not confident in his skill level on specific things to go for his Ps test yet. It's a fiasco.
He drove it a bit this weekend but yeah.. I had to be with him ofcourse.

I doubt he'd drive it up and down those freeways anyway. A train is faster and more relaxing for him.

Apparently "the mum" is driving the van (their family car) up next weekend to pick up gfs bed from her dad's and my son's furniture. He barely owns any lol.
He decided to leave his bed here.
I'm keeping the new wardrobe because it won't last moving so often. Plus we won't get it back.

I don't trust them.

So son can take one from downstairs that we don't need, I'm fine with it not coming back.
No emotional attachment to it etc.

This weekend in the end he had to empty his luggage and pack ALL gfs stuff in there and carry 3 other bags full of her stuff! He left so much of what he wanted to take.
It's such a mess for him.

IDK when we'll see him again because the plans to pick up son's stuff AND car has changed 7 times now.. in less than a week. Can't organise - wet paper bag.

Timber wardrobe is emptied.

I'm beginning to feel really sorry for him getting himself in this situation with consequences unbeknownst to him. I could see it all, clear as day.
But he did. So there it is.

He was really happy I picked him up from the station and stuff like that. He was able to have fun and relax but I could see his stress levels mounting when he was bombarded by demanding and confusing texts.

He said he was glad to be home.

I just hope he can look after himself.

It's pretty wacky what's happening with Govt. I agree to all things "Matthew Effects" when the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Govt should NOT be enabling this to occur IMO.
I'm concerned for sure.

EMxxx

[ecomama]

Yes Praying for exceptional news tomorrow for you and us all.

We're cheering for you here.

Love you guys lots.

EM

[Guest_498]

lol. lol. I reckon the Northface jacket. I say this because it's the weekend. Dan normally wears a suit throughout the week. I wonder whether the silver fox will be with him tmr? He's very polite and soo nice, isn't he? Praying for tomorrow bbg.

It's horrible when you get weird vibes from ppl. I too, wouldn't normally stick around and would shun myself. Excellent that new ppl came through that you were able to click with. It helps greatly in terms of mental health and makes your stay there just that little bit more pleasant. I tend not to like hospitals, so it helps when you do get ppl you get on well with.

Thanks Ems .. LOVE you too.

[Guest_1643]

Hey EM -

I'm wishing for good things for your son, sounds like he's still very happy and open to you and all the family, so the love and care is still in him. Happy for you that his bed is still at home and he knows he can come back... funny that your bf said he would only cope 2 months... i guess you will see. How does he talk about it? He sounds very sweet with his car and practise.

Lol blubs totally he'll be wearing North Face. I nearly did bolt the hospital a few times!! I was there for a mental health stay - I've had a few, and I always seem to make friends and chat to the residents. I tried this time and they bit my head off. Glared at me. Ouch. Tried a few more times, than resorted to just keeping my own space and forget them etc.

I also had a girl who wanted to be my friend....like by any and all means possible. Had never had a friend before. Problem was she didn't care at all about me and was genuinely quite nasty.
She had me hiding out bigtime. Eventually the new people came and I felt like I could just be me. After hiding for a few weeks lol. very true how much this effects mental health, just having people you click with.

Love you and feeling all your warm support over this time. Thanks EM for caring so much and feeling so much for us in Vic. We'll all be watching tomorrow. I don't know who the silver fox is.... is there a handsome sidekick??? i've only watched one or two of the press releases and am a bit new to it all! buried my head under the sand for a lot of it.

[Guest_498]

No, no handsome side kick .. Well, that's a matter of opinion I guess. I don't thnk the Vic. Chief Health Officer, Brett Sutton is a 'silver fox" but somehow he's earned himself that title from a lot of many women. They swoon over him. I don't get it, but you be the judge yourself. I referred to him as that because it's common knowledge that is his pet name. I think hes polite, intelligent & nice but yeh, not silverfox handsome, no.

[Guest_498]

Your worries and frustration are coming through much louder in this post. You're worried about your sons mental health living with the family but frustrated that hes chosen to leave also.
I don't know what to say here darling...I can only pray he thrives with schooling, work and everything else in between. Yes, that family sounds exhausting, haphazard and a nightmare. You don't want that for son. I understand.
Itll only be for one year and a year go by very quickly. 🙂

[Guest_498]

It's a North Face jacket day. And, silver-fox present @ the pressers too lol.

From 12.00pm tonight - Hairdressers to reopen OMG, yay!! been looking forward to this one; 5km limit extended to 25km; No time limit when leaving home; 10 ppl from two households allowed to gather outside; Tennis, golf & skateparks allowed as part of outdoor sports; Allied Health allowed to resume face-to-face care.

Retail & hospitality will have to wait until November 1st to reopen.

Blubes xx