new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[monkey_magic]

Hi ecomama,

Isn't normality the best and such a welcomed relief after going through the wars.

I checked out that other thread and all seems good. He was saying you didn't have anything to apologize for and you've been so so supportive. Hopefully that hangover has faded away.

Oooh a nose piercing. I love the small sparkly studs. It's great you are open about it. My mum wasn't and I ended up with a nipple piercing- somewhere she couldn't see.
Singing is therapeutic and I'm pretty sure contributes to happiness. I try and sing a long to the radio in my car...but it's not my gift lol.

So you live close to the ocean U lucky duck. I used to be able to walk to the ocean but not these days where I'm living. It could be in my future plans though.

Hope work is treating U well X

[Guest_1643]

Hi EM,
I grew up in a musical household and it was beautiful, that's great that YD is experimenting with music and instruments. I think nose rings and piercings are adorable - and you've got a sweet kid there dont you coming to discuss it with her Mum. She obviously values your opinion!

Hope you're all doing well during these crazy times. xx

sleepy

[Mara56]

Dearest Em,

I can understand your sadness for all YD lost. Hopefully with your love and support and the help of a good psych she will continue to heal and grow. I'm just so glad that she has someone as aware as you to advocate for her. I am confident that with time she will become the strong, confident women she is meant to be.

I love hearing about her cheekiness. So joyful to hear.

Oh dear a nose piercing. Lol. I can just hear the "boogers" talk. Lol. I was the only one who had piercing in my home. My sons weren't interested. Mind knowing my youngest, had he lived longer, there is every possibility he would have had one. Good for you for supporting her decision. She is fortunate to have the freedom to choose. You are such a wise Mumma. It is definitely normal teenage stuff that's for sure. Which must be a relief after everything you have both been through.

Love

Mara

[ecomama]

Hi monkey_magic

How are you going girl?

I'm doin' fine lol. Work's awesome. I really can't wait to be back there full time but the things happening at home are too much atm. The kids need a lot of support right now. Plus still dealing with repairing all the destruction of our property by the demon.

It's alot.

Yah I'm pretty open minded when it comes to parenting. I figure from the moment they're born, you're getting them ready for adulthood! lol.
Pretty stupid notion that they're kids one day and KAZZAM they're adults the next.
It's a gradual process so I start when they're very young!

I've been criticised A LOT for my parenting but they can go stick that where the sun don't shine lol!
With all my kids only 1 has had a detention at school ONCE and it was for not handing in homework lol. nothing.

I do ALOT of things very differently or completely the opposite to what I copped as a child.
BUT I won't throw the baby out with the bath water there either.... my mum was a freaking whiz with finances and my Nana too. Brilliant.
My mother was and is extremely artistic, so I fostered that in the kids. (I wasn't allowed to hold a paint brush except for working on the homes we lived in).
My eldest daughter sells her artwork. Plus does other work.
My dad was ok but not like them and he worked in the finance sector lol!

Poverty has tremendous lessons for us to learn.
If we reflect upon them and do the learning.

Yes YD is being a monkey lol. But I love this so much.
Her work shifts increased alot she just found today and she is RAPT.
I drove kids to work over 8 times just on Saturday. Someone or up to 5 are working each day / night. We haven't broken THAT record yet lol.

xxxx EM

[monkey_magic]

Hey EM,

The demon wrecked your property! What a bleep. Good riddance to him.

Very happy for you that work is awesome! I have to travel pretty far to get to mine and it's a busy commute...but the actual work is pretty good depending on the project.

I'm an artist myself and selling artwork is challenging so well done to your eldest daughter.

Your childhood sounds hard like mine was. Probably wouldn't hold the values we do if it wasn't for it though.

You sound like a very busy mama and person.
You must have lots of energy!

I'm going to a draw tonight. Hoping to win something 😃

Stay well X

[ecomama]

Hi Sleepy21!

I've missed you. How are you going?

"Musical household"??... I play alot of music lol not much else. The girls are musically talented and the boys just lovely people lol. Whatever instrument the girls pick up they seem to be able to play right away. Not I though! They must get it from my grandfather lol.

We're in the weird time of "health recommendations" which seem to be taken by different companies / sectors in their own way. But no lock downs etc.

Kids have to wear masks at their part time job (take away) but not due to Govt - due to company.
Me - nothing except physical distancing from other adults at work.

Are you doing okay with all that?
How's your study going?

I think I'll talk more on the covid thread but maybe not tonight.

I've been so busy.

I said to eldest daughter that maybe I have maybe 3y left of intense parenting ie driving everywhere, dealing with schools, all kids at home etc. You never know though.

Life has a way of throwing spanners around the works here.

Though I DO keep visualising peace, love and joy. It's happening alot more here thank God.

EMxxxx

[ecomama]

Hi Mara

Yes it's sweet having (little) issues like nose piercing to hear about lol!
DEFINITELY the booger convo had to happen. Nothing like having an honest conversation about consequences.... bit embarrassing having boogers hanging off your nose ring.

The youngest children are NOTHING like the older children in many ways. They were alot wilder. More challenging to their mama and their teachers lol!

The younger ones enjoy the peace of no FV / DV any more. I think it will take YEARS to get used to the peace of a quiet home.
But not so quiet on weekends.... lots of friends over and loudish music. We are respectful of the little children trying to sleep next door, though.

The kids skateboard & ride their bikes alot now. Not YD. She stays close to mama. But she enjoys all the boys friends that come over. 5 more girls added to the group last weekend. And she does play the board games and their favourite with cards and an app is "One Night Werewolf"!
Fiancee played it with us when he was here and he was VERY good at it lol!

Glad you're thinking of the Happy Unbirthdays! It goes with the song "A Very Merry Unbirthday to you, who me?" that one from Disney's Alice in Wonderland. That's where the idea was ORIGINALLY from.
c30y ago when my eldest children were young and I was a single parent... if we were all at a low ebb I would plan an Unbirthday for 1 friend each and just make Fairy Bread & cordial and give them paintbrushes with buckets of water to paint all over the fences etc. Oh and an Unbirthday cake ofcourse.

Just nice fun memories.

EMxxxx

[ecomama]

Wow another artist?

I have a beautiful painting ED painted for me. It's a copy of someone famous lol... of naked ladies under the water. It's not framed yet but on a frame if you know what I mean?

She's done many others. They're everywhere but those were just for fun.

What do you paint? What do you use to do your art with?

Yes indeed the demon wrecked more than YD.
No photos left.
No heirlooms. Fragments of some. I've barely ventured into the storage area to find out but I will over time.
SO much damage to the house and gardens.
So much theft.

It's really sad if I think about it for too long. But when I remember that a psychopath did all that, then I'm grateful we're alive. Us surviving WASN'T it's plan at all.

But we have.
And we do lol.

And we got our NEW fridge on Friday! So ridiculous to be so excited but it's such a big deal to us.
All of our appliances were either broken for years or severely damaged.

I'm slowly building up my tool collection too which is pretty darned exciting lol.
Not much time during daylight to use them atm.

I know I'll pine for these days when I'm older so I'm just enjoying every minute I can that the kids want to spend with me lol.

EMxxxx

[monkey_magic]

Hello,

I also feel lucky to be alive. Have had some close calls with damaging ppl myself. Escaped on thin ice...and the cycle repeats itself.

Congratulations on the fridge!!!

And the painting sounds incredible. I paint with acrylics or oils. Have a lot of my artworks stored at a friend's house. Really got into paint by numbers as well and have a lot of those stored.

Sweet dreams.

[ecomama]

Yeah the fridge lol, thankyou.

I've never been a fan of paint by numbers (mine looked ghoulish lol!) but one son had a photo of himself and his gf done recently by numbers.
He hasn't painted it, he may be giving it to her as a birthday present IDK. It'll be interesting to see how it turns out though.

Thankyou for reading that other thread. Yeah I get a bit stirred up when I see "things".
Since I did so much study; Courses and research and reading on "abusive types" the red flags pop up every single day. There's a bit of a sliding scale in my mind on them though now, some people are in the grey area of evil and others are just 100% evil. ex was/is 100% evil. Poisoning people for money is 100% evil.

I've learnt to stay away from bad people at work. They're mostly grey area types. Though one is sliding more and more towards the 100%! She abused the office staff with swear words included and in front if our BIG boss who she didn't even know. Yet lol.

Now I have to tell our new boss what she's done to me in efforts to get my job lol!
I had to tell her she needed 2 more degrees to do my job. She was gobsmacked. This all happened before my new boss started.

But as "she" is ramping up again with her abuse and undermining of others.... I need to tell my boss what she's done previously.

People can't hide their true nature for the long haul. Anyway "People of the Lie" helped me so much in understanding all this and putting it on a scale so to speak.

I feel so much freer now. It ALL makes sense.

From my experience the world is full of bad people with just a few good ones which we'd be blessed to know.

I'm pretty sure YOU are a good egg! lol.

Love EM