new person

[ecomama]

Hi everyone
not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this.

my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely!

happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better 🙂

I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time.

I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front.
Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation.

I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me.

Thanks for reading.

[Guest_498]

Hey,

So your cases were to do with corrupt cops? I'm sorry, I didn't know that. I'm so glad it went well for you. Good on you. And, you have to be so proud of yourself for actioning and taking on such powerful people.

I'll go through your threads and answer them. xx

[Guest_498]

Thanks for the services you've recommended like the Women's legal service! You do know that I'm jotting them down and making a list of who to contact as soon as I can work up the courage to reach out for help. Just need to sort my emotions out, first. Hmm which books to read first. Hehe.

[Guest_498]

Hey Monkey_Magic,

Please try to stay strong & positive as well - you have me and others here for support. I feel you, I really do. I sometimes wonder whether these pharma drugs are causing more harm than good in the long run. I was on antidepressants for several years and was told and WARNED by doctors not to stop taking them, as the side effects could be detrimental to both health & mental health. With that, I stayed on them for several years until two years ago when I weaned myself off them, contrary to medical advice. To be honest, I don't feel any different. I'm still healthy and my mental health remained the same. I'm not better or worst. What made me worst mentally was the evil psychiatrist and organisation!! They've stuffed me, they've damaged me. With that being said, I can understand where you come from.

I will follow & answer your threads.

[Guest_498]

Brene Brown's the power of vulnerabilities?

[Guest_498]

Sorry, correction .. it was only a year ago when I got off antidepressants. I seriously don't feel any different. They stopped working a long time ago. I was on it as a placebo after awhile, I believe.

[ecomama]

Bluberry said:

Hey,

So your cases were to do with corrupt cops? I'm sorry, I didn't know that. I'm so glad it went well for you. Good on you. And, you have to be so proud of yourself for actioning and taking on such powerful people.

I'll go through your threads and answer them. xx

No in short. None of them were to begin with.

One became that for higher authorities... after my repeated attempts to get help in a very bad situation with a stranger who decided to stalk me, I didn't even know their names! Had never seen them before but they saw me... his side kick was an ex police man. Doing same. They left evidence everywhere in written form.. PLENTY of witnesses too. They were unabashedly shameless and controlling Sociopaths. Who owned firearms I learned during Court.

Police and Courts wouldn't see me or help me. The stalkers had blocked me.

After contacting the Ombudsman they opened up and the rest I've already said.

I had another stalker heck I've had far too many. I must be a KNOCK out lol. All the Govt agencies I contacted over those brought them to Court themselves - I didn't even have to attend. I wasn't the only victim in some cases.

I did a Course and as you know much study on these types of people - but only since the blow up of my last marriage - you see I kept on believing that the world is a safe place and mostly full of good people...

Since listening to "The People of the Lie.." I've turned that thinking a complete 180 and know far better know. My own life's experiences prove it but I wouldn't see it myself.

SOME people are pure evil.
Some on the slippery slope towards pure evil.
Every institution has them.

When you find a GOOD person wow!

Since knowing this and knowing better truths, I feel freer, not depressed anymore and I'm experiencing true happiness for the first time in a long long time lol.

A bit corny but the truth set me free.

I'm now in no way ashamed or take responsibility for the evil things these people did, not anymore.
I place blame solely and squarely on them and their souls.
I make no excuses for their behaviours as I used to.

Evil is evil end of.

Love EM

[monkey_magic]

Hi ecomama,

Your post brought me back to a few times I was stalked by evil people- yes, they do exist! The ones stalking me had criminal histories.

I eventually left states and re- started my life.

Yes, I know we must be knockouts!

My current brush with evil is this public psychiatrist I have to C because of this corrupt CTO I'm on. You can see it in her eyes and I feel it, to the point I freeze up around her.

There's a saying that good conquers evil. I don't believe that as much as I used to now but I do hope my situation will change with effort on my part.

I lost my innocence to the world quite a few years ago and woke up as well to the dangers of it. Sounds like you're looking at the world with a new set of eyes now!

Life has made me more realistic as apposed to optimistic or positive. Where there is good there is also evil.

Ecomama I'm glad this realisation has set U free and you've become happier as a result. That's what we live for really- true happiness.

Bluberry I'll get back to you on your thread.

💞

[Guest_498]

Monkey_magic,

Like ecomama, I do pray a lot too. I pray and hope that eventually the good conquers the evil. I pray that someone out there, my angel, will come and save me from the darkness I'm in. I hope someday you will find your angel as well. Sometimes prayers are all you have to hold onto.

[monkey_magic]

Hi Bluberry,

I'd like to think that I'm all the angel I need haha. I've had past relationships and men I'd call angels, one of them died in a cycling/ truck accident and the other one has moved on to a woman that had more to offer financially so I'm nutting this one out on my own...

You have infinite power within you Bluberry. Hold onto the faith that you can and will pull out of this darkness with, or without your angel X

[Mara56]

Dearest Em,

There is really nothing I can add. You are truly generous in your sharing of knowledge. I know that your guidance will help both monkey_magic and bluberry.

I truly hope that this week has been a gentle one for you.

Sending love and light

Mara