New and resurfacing Memories

[FrancesG07]

I’m wondering if anyone else has had periods in time where their memories about a traumatic event have started to resurface or become clearer.
I have complex PTSD from multiple adverse childhood events. Last year I began to recall events in more detail and these triggered day time panic attacks from sensory triggers, flashback nightmares.
I recall a psychologist saying something along the lines of (paraphrasing here) ‘when your brain is ready to remember it slowly opens up memories it had kept hidden to keep you safe and that is what is happening’.
Now, 12 months later A conflict with someone close to me who was around during a Really traumatic time seems to have triggered a memory which I had pushed back and didn’t like thinking about - only now I seem to be reacting strongly to it and It has set off nightmares and emotions I didn’t want to deal with. Only, much like last time this happened, I feel like I’m grasping for a part of a memory I just can’t quite picture fully and in my nightmares it plays the same scene over and over always cutting out at the same bit.
I feel like I must be being over dramatic or it must be my imagination if I can’t remember all of it. It is so distant it is like I’m watching it on a tv screen!
Does anyone else have any similar experiences with memories and recall of traumatic events? Is this way of processing common for PTSD? I will be speaking to my psychologist about this, It is just sometimes nice to know we’re not alone in how we experience some symptoms.

[Croix]

Dear FrancesG07~

Welcome back, I think I remember talking with you a year or so ago -memory problems I think.

I was told exactly the same thing by my psychiatrist, as my mind became better able to deal wiht things they started to come back.I actually wrote a thread here about the re-emergence of an incident involving animals.

As it returned it too gave the same reactions to me as you, and also it did not all come back at once, the absolute center of it stayed away until one day it came.

I've other memories still in there I guess, and suppose in time they will come back to me and - at least for a while - make life miserable, we'll see.

My nightmares and thoughts abut this particular incident started with me driving to a spot and starting walking - that was it. The full episode did not come out straight away, even though I had an intellectual idea of waht it was all about -if that makes any sense.

As I feel that thread may be a little graphic I'll not point it out. I suggest you talk to your psych about the best way to handle the nightmares until they peak and pass (they do get very much better and less immediate).

Mine suggested one way was to have an imagined 'happy ending' which could be applied before going to sleep. While I did not find it that helpful everyone is different.

Another was short term meds to reduce nightmares as a whole.

Please let us know how you go, you are not alone

Croix

[FrancesG07]

Thanks so much for your reply! That was me about a year ago! I’ve come a long way since then but it’s a daily commitment to continuing to heal.

It really helps to know that others have similar experiences. It gets a bit overwhelming sometimes.

[Somatica]

Hi FrancesG07,

I am currently dealing with resurgence from 4 years ago, complex ptsd from a domestically violent relationship. I haven't properly spoken to any therapists about it, unfortunately I haven't found anyone I'm confident in, everyone seems to diminish my experience and doesn't allow me to process properly. Perhaps now I am ready to talk to someone again.

But just the other day, I bit my lip very badly while eating, as you do, but it sent an electric shock from my head to my heart and absolutely broke me open. Like the sudden pain unleashed these emotions that had been tucked away inside my body. I was like, drooling heaving and sobbing, luckily alone in my house. Since then it's been convoluted nightmares, where I'm in the position of the attacker taking my rage out on everybody around me and other dreams where nobody will believe anything I say. Left in a helpless position of feeling at fault and completely alone.

I've also found that since my episode I'm just completely exhausted, I have no motivation even though I know going outside will make me feel better. My uni work is suffering due to my depression but I don't know how to fix it. Have you found relief in talk therapy?

Best of luck to you.

[Croix]

Dear Somatica (with a wave to FrancesG07)~

Just about anything your mind or body finds significant can trigger, one example for me is a particular type of smell. It happens. Trying to deal with the reaction is overwhelming and frightening, I even found crying frightening as it was not something I did. Now many years have passed and the reactions are a lot less frequent or severe - manageable. My life is pretty good.

The nightmares do not make logical sense, you see all sorts of things, mostly directly or in some other way related, all with a common highly unpleasant flavor. Mostly about powerlessness in my case. It makes one frightened to go to bed.

Yes talk therapy has been very helpful for me, as have other therapies plus medications. There is sometimes a medication that can assist a bit with nightmares of this sort, you should really talk it all over with your doctor. I never improved in the slightest until I had competent medical help.

Your GP should be able to select a therapist who may be compatible wiht you, obviously someone skilled in trauma, maybe a psychiatrist or psychologist specializing in that area.

Can I suggest you contact uni Disability Services in case you need an extension on your submitted work or exams? No point in having an academic penalty just because you did not see them.

Its expecting a bit much of yourself to feel energy or motivation at the moment. The resurgence of all those feelings and dreams is more than exhausting.

Please feel you can talk as much here as you would like - you too FrancesG07

Croix

[FrancesG07]

I can definitely relate to the themes in your nightmares. I often wondered if they really counted as PTSD nightmares if I was just trying to tell people about it and they didn’t believe me, in the nightmares. It’s actually comforting to hear other people’s experiences and know that I’m not alone in this experience. Especially after suffering in silence for so many years.

I have had a lot of understanding from my Uni since I opened up to them and sought help. I received extensions etcetera.However I received advice from them to withdraw today, I have been allowed to do so without academic or financial penalty and can return when I am well enough.

I have found it helpful to focus on how we’ll i am doing rather than how bad. E.g instead of ‘I failed!’ Or ‘This assignment is so late I’m such a failure’ I try - ‘It is amazing that i haven’t given up!’ ‘I am waking up and logging on and trying! That is amazing considering what I am going through and have been through’. Today was tough as I became so ANGRY at my abusers! I was so angry that what they did to me is still effecting me all these years later as an adult. However I realised that they have NO POWER over me now! I haven’t given up and It is OK TO allow myself time to heal.

please excuse any spelling errors or poor grammar! I have had a long and exhausting day. I had an adverse reaction to a new medication - which I will not name, given the forum rules - so have just returned from hospital after work sent me up there. That is difficult in itself as I often delay seeking medical attention as it is hard to differentiate between what is anxiety related and what could actually be something wrong, and it is tough navigating PTSD alongside medical issues within a work environment and talking through stuff with medical staff.

[FrancesG07]

Hi Croix !

It’s been a long time since I was on here. Your replies are always helpful to read!

Somatica I agree with Croix on approaching your Uni about possible disability services and asking your GP for referrals to someone of their recommendation.

In my experience I had to learn to speak up and put myself above fearing others’ reactions. I was shocked that the doctors and medical team seemed to actually respect and were almost proud at the fact that I spoke up about my needs and what I did and did not need. Not In the sense of refusing help but politely correcting them if they misinterpreted me, admitting when I didn’t click with a psychologist and asking for a different referral. Also Changing doctors until i found one I was really comfortable with and felt was invested in seeking out what was best for me.

I really hope all works out for you. And in answer to your questions Yes! Talk therapy has helped so much! With 3 conditions;

1) Someone I felt safe with

2) Someone who worked at a pace appropriate to my healing journey(not pushing before I was ready to talk about something.

3) Winding up the session with some calming exercises and talking about something different or off topic to make sure I was feeling safe to leave