LGBTI. In the ADF. So alone, I can’t do this anymore. Failed.

[Verna]

Hi all. I’m in a pretty low place right now. Thoughts of self harm are pretty regular. I’ve pushed everyone away trying to focus on work commitments with the ADF. But 3 years in I just can’t do it anymore. I feel like a failure. The isolation and the pressure is tearing me apart. I’ve been told I might have to pay back $60000 worth of training to get out. And I’m only 8 months off completion of my electrical apprenticeship. I don’t see any future for me. I feel like I should be better.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Verna,

You sound so low. I feel sadness, loneliness and disappointment in your words.

I think it must have been such a huge blow to you to have given up so much to focus on working for the ADF, but to have things not work out as you had hoped. I’m so sorry about that..

$60K is a hefty sum. I can definitely see why you’re feeling so overwhelmed and stressed.

I’m sorry, I don’t know too much about the ADF, but I would imagine that they must have counsellor or something of that nature? I’m just wondering if there’s anyone you could talk to there who might be able to give you some guidance, especially about the money aspect...just a little idea...

You’re also of course most welcome to talk to us here as well. It would be lovely to hear from you again when and if you feel up to it. No pressure or rush...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[white knight]

Hi Verna, welcome

I'm ex RAAF but it is a very long time ago. Discharged 1976.

Although the ADF has changed positively since in regards to LGBTIQ people, I'm cautious about revealing your problems to others (unless you prove otherwise).

I agree with Pepper, we are here, 24/7/365 so that will help.

$60,000 is a lot of money and you must feel trapped. Can you find out discreetly if your superannuation can be accessed to help pay for that? Do they have a payment plan? Find out what you can.

Remember, nothing is worth the torture you are enduring.

Do some research and keep reminding yourself that in a more suitable environment you will blossom and find happiness.

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[Dan-the-Downer]

Hi Verna,

I'm also in the ADF, nearing the end of my service (been in for 19 years). There are several support systems available to use. I know there is a perceived stigma around using them, it took me years to finally seek help but it has definitely been worth the step.

Can I highly urge you to attend one of the regional mental health teams. They have staff available to just have a chat, or provide counselling if needed/wanted. Additionally they can provide on-referrals to off-base pyschology/psychiatric support. They have total independence from your CoC and maintain a separate confidentiality isolated from the normal JeDHi medal system so any notes are inaccessible without permission.

Also the on base Chaplaincy is also a good resource. Even just for a chat, they are able to intervene on your behalf and help facilitate linking you to resources.

Please do not keep this stress bottled up. Whilst I do not know the specifics of your circumstance, there are provisions within Defence Policy for debts/ROSO to be waived in the event of medical or certain administrative discharge situations.

Please hang in there. I'm sure you can find a way through this.

Dan