Narcissistic abuse recovery

[Empathuniverse]

Hello Everyone, I just wanted to say hello to everyone in this group who may be struggling at this time to be able to talk to someone and get the support of resources that they may need at this time.

I am presently trying to focus on recovery after being in two NPD relationships back to back.

I learned a lot but it was also extremely traumatic and I have so much too unpack. ONE of the biggest things is how to have healthy relationships, set boundries and gain my own self worth and just plain saying no and putting myself first.

Some of the things a NPD doesnt want you to do is be empowered so its unlearning all of that so your not absolutely miserable. Its amazing that we give so much away in the name of love only to have someone completely abuse it. I am the only one who can say no and no again and I want to exercise that right. Anyone who loves and supports you will work with your needs and not need to take so much.

You may not be in this place and time in your own recovery as everyones story is different but I do hope that you have some support or are on your way to being able to reach out for it. Please do we are not the product of the NPD relationship we are so much more than that. 

[sbella02]

Hey, thank you so much for your post, and welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience - I too have been through this kind of relationship before with a former friend, several years ago now, and there are still times when the experience haunts you, even if you're well into recovery. 

It's great and very empowering that you've been able to find something (or a few things) to learn from such a traumatic experience. That takes strength. I too have learned so much from that friendship, both about myself, others, and the world, and I continue to learn even now, years later.

Feel free to share anything you feel like you need to unpack or debrief about, we're here to listen. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, we appreciate your openness.

Take care, SB

[Empathuniverse]

Thanks sbella02,
I really appreciate your time and response. I am feeling a bit messed up but its getting easier day by day. I have had past friends and significant others with NPD (the former being the hardest to experience) but I guess its all in the end a journey or a road to self love. It's going to ultimately hurt to go through why I have let this happen having a intimate relationship x2. Trying to deal with all the hurt and anger surfacing right now without it pervading my life. Lot of crying, letting go, facing the truth.
Trying to be independant of past chaotic, addictive, codependant thoughts of a fantasy of being with someone as the cure for myself. And not falling into the trap of believing I am only worth something in a relationship. A belief I had before I allowed NPD into my life. Telling myself I dont need any of things and what do I want and need again?! Really being without a NPD feels like breathing fresh air again. Shame Im going through so much of an internal struggle of feeling all this guilt and conflict of how it was back when I was with them. Guess this is how trauma works!

Id love to hear any ways others are using to cope or heal right now? I am searching for things that may help on the healing journey.

[sbella02]

Empathicuniverse,

I noticed one phrase you used that I'd like to draw attention to: "why I have let this happen?". It sounds like you may still blame yourself for being in situations where you're exposed to narcissistic abuse, which is a feeling that I can also relate to. I just want to reiterate that it is not your fault. It's important to remember that people who display narcissistic tendencies will continue to do so regardless of whether you are present or not - at the end of the day, they are responsible for their own actions and behaviour, despite what may have happened in the lead up to these. 

Reminding yourself of what you like to do for fun can be a good means of coping. I write songs, and I ended up writing one about this former friend of mine who had narcissistic tendencies (I say this because they were never officially diagnosed with NPD or anything similar like OCPD). Take up a sport, go for walks, exercise, take up a hobby like painting or knitting or reading... something that you can do for YOU that you feel good doing. It helps to either take your mind off of the situation, or even to process the situation if you're engaging in some kind of creative or physical expression of your emotions.

I was also quite a fan of journaling back then (I still am), and think that it's a great way to get out thoughts that have been playing on repeat in your mind. Sometimes you'll find yourself writing about things that you didn't even know bothered you. 

If you'd feel comfortable opening up to your loved ones or even getting some professional advice and coping strategies from either a GP, therapist, or psychologist, talking to people can really help too.

I hope this helps, please feel free to chat some more if you'd like. If you want to share some more about your experience, I'm here to listen - I can likely relate to some of your experiences too, particularly with the past friends. 

Take care, SB