My husband has a 20 yr ice addiction and I don't know what to do

[Scarlett86]

I have 1 child previous marriage had psychological abuse. fast forward, I met another man in 2014 who ended up assaulting me , charged with aggravated assault charges occasioning bodily harm. I left him, got counselling, got myself together again and in 2016 met a man now married dec 2017 who I thought had his own life. I knew he struggled a little with stress but didn't know what i was getting into until it was too late. 5x he has told me I don't want to be with you and he went missing for days does meth & cheats on me with porn (as I have had trauma from pornography he and I agreed this was cheating from day 1) his past relationships he cheated on them with other women & prostitutes when he was high. he maintains throughout our 2.5 year relationship (1.4yrs of that we have been married) that he's never physically cheated in me. I am not too sure of it, hes adamant about it.
currently he just got told, he may have autism & is being tested for it & ADHD. his whole life was a struggle with inibilties. I do love him but I cannot get past how betrayed I feel after he went missing for days to do drugs and porn God knows what else as I will obviously never know.He's promised multiple times he will never do it again but when he can't handle things that is is escapism. We have seen a psychiatrist and my husband is keen on eradicating his 20 year old drug addiction but it's been there so long I don't know how he can do it especially if he has inibilties to begin with.
He is a good man off the drugs but does have sociopathic and narcissistic traits and his behaviour when he's high is disgusting. My child is never around when this happens nor does anyone else know about it his family never helped. they knew.I do love him but I have doubts about trusting him&1 day a normal life without drugs.hes always been employed & u wouldn't know he is an addict, he hides well.
I many times before I've helped him, he takes advantage, does drugs , comes back apoligises then we are back there again in 3-4 months. My child is not in danger nor am. how do i trust him as he was a serial cheater.
I need to feel me again I feel i filled his cup up too many times and now I am empty.
I help him with his appointments and I take care of my child, it's hard to leave when you love someone I didn't love the others, I've only ever had 3 relationships my entire life I don't want a 2nd divorce but I am also sad all the time.

[blondguy]

Hello Scarlett86

Welcome and thank-you for being a part of the Beyond Blue forum family too!

Firstly.....good on you for having a joint appointment with a psychiatrist You are a proactive with your relationship and your childs well being by reaching out

A huge plus with the forums is that it provides a safe and judgement free place for you to speak your feelings

Just moving the meth and porn aside for a moment. Can I ask if your husband has sought help on his own to deal with his health issues? (...a GP....Psychologist...Psychiatrist...Social Worker etc?) With addictions...especially the meth, people that are determined to self heal will seek help from where ever they can get it

I used to have acute anxiety for 15 years and lived in 'denial' for most of that time thinking I could self heal...that was a bad idea. I take meds now and have monthly GP visits now for a fine tune (just to let you know Scarlett)

The health of you and your child are paramount...Any other considerations are secondary..sorry Scarlett

Great to have you with us Scarlett...I hope you can post back when its convenient for you 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Scarlett86]

Thank you for your response Paul.

He has sought help himself before we met in the shape of a psychologist but he wasn't then able to articulate his own inibilties to get the appropriate treatment and he relapsed and had a breakdown.

He then met me and that's when I was portrayed by him that he had his life sorted out but then when I found out he couldn't deal with stress and everyday life like most of us would and he used drugs as an escapism it was too late as such.
I day this because it was close to 1yr after the last time he used drugs then met me and I was as he said "the only good thing that's come into his life" that kept him off the drugs. Then months after resisting the addiction he turned to it and the rollercoaster began for me.

Literally without me he hadn't even thought anything was wrong with his drug use and reasons /triggers why he has done this for 20 yrs.
He's got no emotional intelligence due to his inibilties he's identified this and more since he has been with me.
I'm like his glue and I am starting to feel the pressure has doing well now engaging in all therapy however I can't let go of the betrayal and there's a lot of resentment my side.
I am so angry inside.