I was kicked out in October, by a mother who's abused me for years. It was mostly psychological abuse with physical only being used as a last resort or a scare tactic when the psychological threats weren't enough. I was hit, cut, battered and bruised, screamed at, isolated, controlled and faced frequent verbal abuse. I have been told that I was a "waste of space", "burden" and much more. My mother works a high-paying government job but frequently complained about me taking a financial toll. I lived in a rotting, decaying house while my mother lived it up in hotel rooms across the country, returning once a fortnight. My father has been out of the picture for many years and is an ice addict, and I once experienced trauma at the hands of his ex-girlfriend, who would lock me in a room for days at a time and force me to eat out of the rubbish.
Naturally, I have some pretty big mental health issues associated with this.
I'm currently living with the old family-friends I had previously been barred from seeing. However, this living situation is proving itself to be just as inadequate. One of the people I'm living with has chronic pain and thus is extremely temperamental. I am frequently being screamed at about things that have nothing to do with me, or things that are my fault but caused by trauma, and have unfortunately taken on the role of being the household's scapegoat. As someone with C-PTSD, and extremely sensitive fight/flight/freeze responses, this has been pushing me over the edge. My hyper-vigilance is through the roof as I live in the lounge room on a sofa bed. Every sound sends my heart racing and I still flinch when I hear doors open and close. I'm alternating between feeling the need to run away and the need to scream. My sleep is still shitty- it's about three hours of nightmare-plagued hell.
How can I tell my body that it's safe, and that it can calm down, when it's not safe? Not entirely, anyway?
I don't know what to do, or where to go. I'm in Year 12 and I don't want to change schools...
I don't have the means to support myself financially and I'm sick of burdening others. I can't get Centrelink because my mother refused to sign the forms the last time I spoke with her (which was months ago) and if I submit it without her knowledge, I'm scared of what she'll do to me.
And I am NOT going to the police.
Advice on how to deal with this?
