4 year old grandaughter recently traumatised by fire. Advice wanted to help her family support her.

[Elizabeth CP]

My Son lives overseas with his family. A few days ago he found his daughter in the kitchen with a burning tea towel on the floor & his daughter screaming too petrified to move. He put the fire out & tried to comfort his daughter. She was so badly traumatised she can't talk about what happened so noone knows what caused the fire. She was convinced the house would burn down so couldn't sleep in her own bed but had to remain with her parents.

Hearing this triggered very bad memories for me with a similar incident when a spark from an open fire place set fire to a favourite piece of clothing. I was about 4 at the time & had to throw the burning item into the fire to avoid setting the house on fire. I was left with an intense fear of fire which escalated when I was caught in a bushfire which destroyed our home.

Remembering the fear of fire I had as a child from that first event makes me want to help my son help his daughter deal better than I did with the trauma to avoid the long term consequences. While I want to help I don't know what would help & would welcome any suggestions

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth CP,

I'm not really sure what to suggest here. It may be beneficial to seek a counsellor's advice on the best way to handle this.

Sorry for your own trauma's you have experienced as well. Writing more may help you with what you experienced.

For the Grand daughter, maybe she could draw pictures to show her fears then have your son talk to her and reassure her that she is now safe. Is it possible for the grand daughter to go to a counsellor if her trauma continues?

Hopefully someone will come up with some suggestions for both you and your Grand daughter Elizabeth.

Cheers from Dools

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you for your post. I can't commend you enough for reaching out so early and I'm sorry that you both had to go through that. I can see how much you care for your granddaughter and in wanting to help.

The best advice I can give you is to help your granddaughter see a counsellor. Even if she didn't seem traumatised, it can be completely overwhelming for children and impact the way that they'll cope in the future. Counsellors have lots of little techniques in helping children deal with trauma; like using play therapy for when words feel too hard - so it's okay that she's not able to talk about it yet.

Please know that whatever way your granddaughter is coping is a totally 'normal' reaction. Being afraid to go to bed, withdrawing from normal activities or intense feelings (like anger and fear) is okay too.

Here's an article that might be helpful - http://tgn.anu.edu.au/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Helping-your-child-cope-after-an-accident.pdf

https://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/families/mental-health-difficulties/trauma/trauma-suggestions-families-and-staff

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you for the advise Dools & Romantic. I will try to talk to my son about considering a counsellor to help his daughter

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

I have just had another thought, maybe some kind of exposure therapy around fire and flames might help your grand daughter. Maybe exposure to a candle and being show how to blow it out safely, than if they are in the position to do so maybe a fire with paper, they could smother it.

If the grand child is shown that fire can be safely controlled it may ease her mind a little.

I would only consider this if a Dr or a counsellor suggested it might be beneficial. No point adding more trauma. Maybe even drawing pictures to show how she is feeling might help.

Cheers from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

I think your idea is a good one because it would help her see when i is safe and not so she has control. I never understood what I'd done wrong so there was no way of me feeling I could be safe. My parents praised me for reacting appropriately after the item was on fire but I don't remember any discussion about avoiding it in the first place.

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

Explanation and a demonstration can make all the difference in the world to how we see and perceive things.

I am also wondering if there may be a children's book available on fire safety? Yo could Google this idea or ask at the library.

I feel a lot of trauma can be dealt with if people are allowed to discuss how they are feeling and to have those thoughts and emotions acknowledged, validated and explained.

I really hope the grand child is able to move on from this, you too!

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

Just had a quick look on Google, there are plenty of books on fire safety for children available. You may get some hints and ideas for these books!

Cheers