Mix of emotions

[Patches63]

Talking with a friend yesterday she pointed out to me that there are few topics that I talk about on semi regular basis.  I know I’ve mentioned them couple times, she tells me I’ve mentioned lot more than that.  I never realised.  Main areas related to reasons I chose to retire early and feelings of being let down by cousins, my only living relatives, especially at Christmas and on my birthday.

part of me knows this friend cares deeply about me and would never do or say anything to hurt or upset me.  I felt a sting for her words though and they hurt.  We usually chat online once a week, at the moment I’m struggling to want to chat with her.

anyone else experienced similar?  Is this linked to head and heart trying to cope with things?

[Croix]

Dear Patches63~

Good friendships are few and far between and need to be valued - and even at times worked on to keep them in a good space.

I don't know why oyur freind mentioned htese matters, it could be she feels they are repetitive and does not now what to do about them, it may be she is concerned the things you talk about are hurting you too much and you may need assistance to come to terms with them.

Your life has not been an easy one and the deaths in your family, the suicide and domestic abuse plus the car crash. All these may well have left lasting marks on you. Now you have been basically forced to give up work.

You are also now living in a new place.

All of this can mean you need to talk about some these things again and again. (I drove my friends to distraction when my partner died).

That does not mean you have to always talk about them to your friend . As someone who is still undergoing flashbacks I'd suggest - as Bob_22 has already done - you might consider getting medical assistance. Apart from anything else a councilor or psychologist is a good person to let out your feelings with.

You friend might be relieved to hear you are getting proper medical attention.

Can I suggest when talking wiht you friend you go out of your way to balance things and introduce topics you can both enjoy?

Croix

[Patches63]

Thanks Croix.  I’ve got appointment with local gp tomorrow and will be requesting referral to get some professional help.

friend I mention in previous post and .I have had couple good open chats about mental health issues during which I have learnt more about her  She is aware I have day next week that may be a struggle day for me and has organised we are going to spend day together including going to local cinema together that day. Friends for approx 6 months, some times feels like have been friends always and share a unique friendship

[Croix]

Dear Patches63~

I think you are fortunate that your friend is looking out for you, she must be pretty with it to realise about your troubling day next week and has given a pretty spot-on suggestion as how to deal with it. I'm pretty sure you wil get though that time better than you anticipated.

You also implied she may have opened up about some of her own troubles. If so this is a compliment to you.

I'm glad you are seeking medical assistance, it can make a great difference, it has to me.

Croix

[Patches63]

My friend is an amazing lady who has mental health issues that are linked to physical health issues.  I also have physical health issues.  Wherever possible we make what we call ‘totally flexible plans’.  Both know that one or both of us can be fine one day and following day are confined to couch or bed.

started to talk with local gp yesterday about getting some professional help (in addition to getting some unrelated test results) and was advised we had run out of time to do referral.  New appointment booked for next week. Left gp practice feeling bit frustrated.  
few months time I am moving to a new home in a new suburb and will be living closer to my friend.  She has already given me details of her gp and has said her gp isn’t always on time for her appointments as she takes time with each person

[Croix]

Dear Patches63~

It sounds like you have a lot of life's trials in common with your freind, an excellent basis for mutual understanding. As I think I touched on before while talk of troubles is fine, it does need balance with  more enjoyment. Now you are going to move closer I'd suggest that might be even more important. (Yes, I know, I'm in nag mode:)

I've no idea why there was a timescale for referrals, I've never has a GP say that to me and I've had plenty. On of the things I wouldn't mind is if I was sitting in the waiting room beyond the appointment time as that probably indicates more time taken with consumers. Sadly at the moment it is more a question of assembly line processing. I've actually been berated by the GP for taking up more than the allotted appointment time even though it was not my choice - does not make one feel good or keen to return.

So if your friend's GP clicks that sounds pretty hopeful. Hope next week goes well. If you are put on a Medicare Mental Health Plan (I'm not saying you wil be) it is possible to change professionals mid-stream if your new location makes it hard to keep on going to the same one

If oyu would like to let us know how you get on that would be good

Croix

[Patches63]

Thanks for the information about Medicare Mental Health Plan Croix.  Local gp I saw has mentioned he will put me on one which was one of the reasons he told me there was insufficient time at my last appointment.  He also printed out and gave me set of 10 questions which I need to complete and take to next appointment regarding how I have felt with last 4 weeks.

my friend has suggested to speak to receptionist at her doctors practice about getting my name on waiting list to see her which I hope to do within next couple weeks.  I am hoping to be able to transfer to the new medical practice for 2 main reasons … 1) will be less distance for me to travel … 2) will have consistency with seeing same doctor every appointment.  Medical practice I currently attend has multiple doctors and quite often not able to see same doctor for consecutive appointments unless waiting for up to a week.

my friend and I chat via fb at least once a week and our recent chats have returned to more light hearted, general two way chats again.  We are similar age bracket, have large amount of similar life experiences and very similar perspectives on things including getting assistance with mental health issues should be the same as getting assistance when one is fighting some type of infection or has a broken bone.

Im hoping to be able to have first appointment with counsellor soon with someone that I can build rapport with quickly.  Was referred to counsellor years ago who was lovely lady who also acknowledged after few sessions the rapport wasn’t there.  She suggested requesting referral to another counsellor which I did, rapport was there for 2nd session and was huge benefit for me

Patches

[Croix]

Dear Patches~

I'm glad you are finding some lighter hearted things to talk about, it does both of you good. Having a similar set of experiences and outlook in life can only promote the friendship.

I hpe you can get in to the new doctor without an excessive wait. Sadly I've found the realy good ones are well known and tend to be booked up for quite awhile. Still I think it is worth the wait, plus when I go in for one appointment I book another on principal as I can always cancel it if not needed.

Your first psych was quite right to stop if you had not clicked. I beleive it is not so much the actual type of therapy that is so important. It is the relationship and trust that makes all the difference. I've been very lucky with most of my psyches and have got on well with them.

As for getting assistance for mental health issues the same as for an infection or broken bone. I wish it was, however it simply does to seem to work out that way.

Croix