Mental health about to cost my umpteenth job

[Guest_6465]

Just an biannual performance review and my boss has called out for the third time that my lovely colleagues have complained that often, especially in the field, that "I am not there, am somewhere else." I cannot deny this. I always feel like I am in two levels of consciousness, one trying to concentrate on what I am doing, the other off fighting the war inside my head or worrying about something else completely different. In year 3 my teacher called me "The Dreamboat", not unfortunately because of my wonderful looks but by apparent disassociation with everything around me. Every whinger in every job has noticed this and got me into trouble, and fired - not matter how hard I try not to make mistakes I always do, wrong labels on bottles, typos and other mistakes in final report drafts, bad data processing and/or input. No matter how good the job is there is ALWAYS little mistakes, and these all add up and annoy supervisors and I end up fired. Held on to current job for 5 years but now after 2.5 years a second senior colleague has made a complaint that he does not want to work with me anymore. I feel angry and hateful towards them and yes, wish them ill but on the other hand I know that they are right, I just really resent them reporting such piddling mistakes I cant help feel its a personalised conspiracy. But its in my whole life. Although a good and responsible driver I often just forget or don't notice what speed zone I am in an seriously over the last 30 years all the fines I have paid out could have bought a nice new car or deposit for a house. Can anyone suggest any type of mindfulness therapy for this, or can identity just what is wrong with my mindfulness?

Let's cut a long story short: I am

- white Australian, 48 yo

- lifetime clinical depressive/dysthymic

- Functioning alcoholic and fond of legal downers

- Recently officially diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder

- Struggling to keep my mental illness(s) from work "mates", recently divulged CPTSD to boss, seemed understanding, after second supervisor refused to work with my due to my "incompletence".

So how about it ladies? Anyone up for a date? No, seriously, here to talk and share experiences, especially depressives and those with CPTSD who struggle to maintain a veneer of sanity.

[Guest_6465]

"Arrogance is as you say often the way, though to be fair without further information there might have been a valid reason."

When I got back to the office in a lather of sweat I Googled her and her reviews basically said "when she turns up she is worth it"

So it is a professional habit. I realise maybe she is suffering from her own issues, but when I make a professional appointment for work, to ready for real work at 6-7am, I am there, although as a depressive I hate early mornings and worship the shrine that is my bed. If I make a commitment, personal or professional, I will be there, unless sick or injured. Professional impunctuality is one of my bug-bears.

BTW, I work with a retirement aged cop-hater at work. He's basically alright but because his father sounds like he was bastardised in the USAAF in WW2 he has a major problem with authority, will not even wear the work uniform. His BS is a major bug bear with me, there are A-holes in EVERY profession and the police are no exception.

Unfortunately, because of my large families history of mental illness, havre had to call the cops many times. The last time we had to call the cops was to evict and elder abusing sibling because we needed to sell the parental house. They were very understanding and professional, the little guy did the "good cop" and the bigger bloke did "bad cop". Ugly but necessary. After much drama, we got the sibling humanely removed and directed to the help he refused for 25 years.

BLUE LIVES MATTER.

[Croix]

Dear ArthurFleck~

Thank you for your Blue support. Such feelings are the only way policing can be done, with good will and cooperation - always relying on force won't work.

OK, your prospective psych has a downside - lack of punctuality, the reviews do mention an upside too though. I guess you have to judge if having to wait excessive times in a stressful environment is worth it. Do you plan on trying again?

I feel sorry for your workmate, to carry that though all a life is a great burden. Plus such a negative attitude is stressful on all who work with him.

I've never been able to play 'bad cop', not convincing I guess. Your final paragraph reminds me of the Family Law Court matters I had to carry out, I'd say one of the worst parts of the job. I'm glad your matter was resolved humanely, not always esy to do.

Has the elder sibling benefited from that help?

Croix

[blondguy]

Hello Arthur

There are many people on the forums that have a family history of mental illness too. I am part of a family that does like you do and yes its painful

I can feel your pain and anguish when you mention the 'hate' word the way you do. I understand what you are going through with having a brain that has its own ideas on how we feel

hope you are doing reasonably okay at this time

Paul