Lost

[Guest_2350]

Hello,

I am hoping to find some advise - I am still very new to this all. I have started seeing a psychologist and I am just so unsure about what to do. I will talk to her as well when I see her - and that is part of the problem, the long gaps inbetween.

I have various trauma and grief to go through from my early childhood until mid twenties. I have been able to live through this all and have a pretty happy life, but lately it seems crumbling and I feel disconnected from myself and from the outside.

I have made the step to see someone but I am so scared to open the gates. Will I be able to cope and what strategies can I put in place to cope? The couple of times that we touched on certain subjects left me raw, insecure and exhausted. I cannot communicate the strength of feelings, being completely overwhelmed. It is so difficult for me and I am not sure what I want to do.

 What other options are there? Can it just be the wrong psychologist? Is it normal to feel lost and distressed when starting?

Thanks.

[Guest_2350]

Dear Mary,

wonderful news about the breast cancer care - I am sure that is a weight off your shoulders! And it is fantastic that you have lost 4kg, that is a huge effort and now you know that you can do it! Keep going, it is worth the effort! Does exercise also help lift your mood? I feel better after being outdoors.

Have you tried mindful colouring - it is getting a big craze now. I have two little books and started a while ago and I like that I can just take pencils out and do a little bit at a time. And I can also take them with me. I prefer the small books - the larger ones overwhelm me with the amount of colouring that is to do. I started colouring, as I am time poor as well and I rarely have time and focus to get my crafts out. I used to do silk painting, tissue art, wood work, embroidery - I would try anything. I would really like to try mosaic, I always loved that.

Thanks for the idea of giving my husband some material to read. I will try that.

I am starting my final doctors stroll before the holidays today, first a physio review, then meeting my GP and another 4 appointments in the next few days. It is a struggle to fit it all in with work, but I am grateful that I write my own schedule at work.

My holidays are coming closer now and I am getting excited about the time off and just leaning back. I believe time away from work will help me - and there is the time & distance between myself and my responsibilities as well. I am busy preparing mentally for the holidays and taking up the advise I got in some of the other forums.

Mary, I will be checking in here during my holidays and hopefully share some lovely stories and I will check in on you as well. I hope you will be ok, look after yourself.

Love, Yggy x

[Guest_2350]

Dear Mary,

 how has your week been? I hope all is well and you are finding some rest in between appointments.

I've met with my GP and we had a long chat about the past couple of weeks, my mood swings and my issues with my psych. Although he is willing to send me elsewhere, he thinks it is early days to change and that we are still in the "discovery phase". So I've agreed to stay with my current psych until the end of the year. I feel comfortable with my GP and trust him to make the right decision. We also discussed medication again. He left it up to me, but I finally decided and took the first pill yesterday morning. I have nothing to lose I guess.

I'm meeting my psych today and I just want to talk about all these things and find a mutual understanding of my role and the role of my psych. I think that is half the problem. I don't expect that my GP makes me feel better, but I might have a distorted view of what I think the role of my psych is. I'm learning every day...

On a positive note, I have been feeling stronger lately and I am getting excited to go on holidays now that it is coming closer. I really think I need a break from work and I have collected so many ideas of how I can cope - I will discuss that all with the psych today as well. I can feel the little fighter coming back out!

Love, Yggy x

[White_Rose]

Dear Yggy

I love your new picture. That's a great turnaround in mood and attitude. You are definitely correct about ADs, there's nothing to lose. Don't expect bells and whistles straight away. It will be several weeks before you notice a change and about six weeks for the full effect to kick in. If you do get any side effects, try and stay with the ADs for a while. Usually, any side effects go away once your body has become accustomed to the meds. But wow, what a new adventure for you. And I am thrilled your fighter has raised its head.

It's a good idea to sort things out with your psych and it is true that both sides can have a different idea of their respective roles. In my opinion the psych's role is to help you explore your various difficulties to uncover why they have the effect they do. To look at your patterns of behaviour, how and why you react to various situations the way you do. The last part is for you learn how to deflect or change the old ways, what I call the default path, and make more positive paths into your new default path. The exploring will often take time with little apparent results, but in retrospect I found I was learning all the time. My psych gave me little tasks to do to add some momentum. I mentioned I was thinking of making some dresses for my granddaughters and he almost insisted I get on with it and show him some photos. I felt good accomplishing this and similar activities. Good luck.

The hip specialist says I could have surgery but would prefer me to lose some weight first to see how much difference that makes. I saw my GP yesterday (Thursday) and discovered that my aches and pains are probably due to the post-cancer medication. Apparently it mimics menopausal symptoms. Great!!!!!

Had a long consultation with her and she wants me to see her every week for the next three weeks. She tells me that she can still see a spark in me even if I cannot. Very nice! I am not sure where I am. I get down every evening and need to fight hard against my inclinations but I have managed for nearly two weeks so perhaps I am winning. Off to my exercise class shortly then I will get some more potting mix. Bought a number of plants but need the potting mix to finalise the planting.

Mary

[Guest_2350]

Dear Mary,

I am a bit lost for  words at the moment, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and I hope you are feeling better.

Take care, Yggy x