Hi mizzme,
Thank you for your post. Your situation is a lot more complex than the sexual abuse so don't feel bad about your confusion. The same sort of confusion affects women that stay in physically or emotionally abusive relationships, often being told to believe their values or expectations are wrong.
In your case you were told that you were being a prude if you didn't take part in a sexual act that you didn't like. I think all things in bed that are consensual are fair game, but the starting point MUST BE consensual. Everyone involved must be okay with it. On a personal note, I would think asking a partner to take part in a threesome would be showing disrespect to her in front of another person, so I wouldn't want to do it for that reason alone. I also would not be keen on allowing someone else be that intimate with someone I have strong feelings for, so it is not my thing on a couple of levels.
You have said that your ex is a narcissist and lied to you about future such behaviour, and that you were very uncomfortable with that situation, so you know what is not on for you.
Can I ask you to read a book called "Women Who Love To Much" by Robin Norwood? I think you can get it online for free as a PDF or at the Open Library. Also, maybe consider talking to your G.P. with a view to getting a Mental Health Plan to see a psychologist, just to talk it through? They are free if you qualify for them and you get ten sessions every calendar year, so maybe see your doctor before the end of the year?
Hopefully some of the ladies on here will get back to you also, as I do not know that advice from a man's perspective is as helpful as a woman might give.
Kind regards, John.
