Lost

[Guest_2350]

Hello,

I am hoping to find some advise - I am still very new to this all. I have started seeing a psychologist and I am just so unsure about what to do. I will talk to her as well when I see her - and that is part of the problem, the long gaps inbetween.

I have various trauma and grief to go through from my early childhood until mid twenties. I have been able to live through this all and have a pretty happy life, but lately it seems crumbling and I feel disconnected from myself and from the outside.

I have made the step to see someone but I am so scared to open the gates. Will I be able to cope and what strategies can I put in place to cope? The couple of times that we touched on certain subjects left me raw, insecure and exhausted. I cannot communicate the strength of feelings, being completely overwhelmed. It is so difficult for me and I am not sure what I want to do.

 What other options are there? Can it just be the wrong psychologist? Is it normal to feel lost and distressed when starting?

Thanks.

[Jacko777]

Hi yggy,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am glad you are talking about this. I am also glad that you are getting help to work through your trauma and grief so that you can feel better, well done. Definitely talk to your doctor about your concerns, define what actions you can take in the long gaps between visits.

Perhaps you might feel emotional for a while as you are sorting through your feelings and bringing up hurtful memories from the past, it would be natural to feel upset, but you are doing this so you can address these things and find a new way of dealing with them in your mind. So you are on a new positive journey to happiness and calmness, some times it might feel harsh and sad, but you can move through this, it won't last for ever. Decide that you will be able to cope and seek the strategies that you need. It's important for me to take time out in between sessions and feeling stressed and sad, make sure that each day you completely focus on something that makes you happy, imagine that down the track you will feel better, imagine yourself being happy.

Have you tried meditation? Meditation helps me a lot to focus on the positive and off the negative, it makes me calm and slows everything down. I find breathing exercises very useful if I am feeling anxious.

Going on this path of recovery may not feel smooth or easy, some times we just have to push on, keep making small steps, taking satisfaction from knowing that we are on a path of recovery, getting closer to feeling better.

Talk any time

Jack 

[Neil_1]

Hi there yggy

Firstly, welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

Your post makes perfect sense and the feelings you’ve described are very common amongst us, as we are all fellow sufferers with different kinds of mental health issues.

But can I congratulate you on coming here and posting, but not only that, but taking the even bigger step (positive step) to seeking out someone professional to talk to.

With regard to your psych, it’s really only something that you can know – as to whether you feel this person is the right person for you.  For me, I went to numerous pysch’s along my journey, till I found my current one and it’s just something you ‘feel’ when talking with this person and also for the way they react and treat you back.  Obviously also what advice and suggestions they give you as well is very important.

Now I understand that certain subjects can leave you feeling raw, insecure and exhausted – for me, even now after being with my psych for a number of years, I still can come out of my sessions feeling flat and exhausted.  Having said that though, you should also be receiving different kinds of feedback and possible helping mechanisms for you to put into place – exactly for those ‘inbetween’ times.

But doing this is a long process and you need to have several other mechanisms in place to help you through;   so yes, the psych is a brilliant one, but hopefully you’ve got a good gp and are having reasonably regular visits there.  Having medication to take is also another good thing, that can help you along – remembering though that there are no such thing as magical cure pills, but when taken in conjunction with doing other things, they all have positive effects on the person.

Trying to live as healthy as you can – eating well, drinking lots of water and another biggie is exercise, are all other top things to make sure these are in place.

I’ll send this off now and do hope to hear back from you.

Neil

[Guest_2350]

Hi Jack and Neil,

thank you for your kind words.

I think at the moment there are just so many feeling and memories starting to flood in, that I just don't know where to start. I have written so many things down and I am even too worried to look back what I have written. I am thinking about doing a brain dump when I see the psychologist again, just to get rid of it all. Then on the other hand, I would really like to know about coping strategies before I do that.

I have started meditation on and off in the last few month, but when I am not feeling ok, I can get so sad, I cannot explain how sad I get, it is such a deep feeling and holds my physically. But sometimes I am ok to meditate and I have startedto use meditation when I cannot sleep at night or listen to calming music when I am anxious and stressed. I actually went to my GP when I had a really good time and I could not understand how my mood could swing so badly, when I get sad.

How can I decide that I can cope?

Neil, how was it for you to change psychologists? It took me ages to get a first appointment and I am just worried about looking for another one and starting all over again. How can you find a good one? I actually feel okay with mine, I am not worried to see her, I am just worried about the times on my own. Can I see the GP at the same time? What do you discuss with the GP?

I look after myself health wise and try to get outside on the weekend, I am looking forward to summer, when I can see the sunshine more again, I do miss seeing daylight at the moment.

What are other strategies?

Thanks heaps x

[White_Rose]

Dear Yggy

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good to come here and talk about your difficulties with people who have experienced similar pain. I would like to share my experiences with you as it may help you.

I have been seeing a psychologist for the past two years. He is a lovely person, very caring and doesn't take it personally when I get angry about life.

He has arranged for me to see another psychologist who specializes in domestic violence issues. My regular psych says it would be too hard to address these issues with him as he is a generalist psych and also male. I see his point but it make's me very anxious as I meet the new psych tomorrow.

While I have been seeing my usual psych I have also had regular sessions with my GP. We meet for 3/4 hour every few weeks, sometimes more or less often depending on how I am managing. Both the psych and GP are working on the same lines although their processes are different and I will tell one what the other has said or asked me to do. I cannot make sudden appointments with the psych very easily but I can make appointments with my GP within a few days if I absolutely need to.

I find this reassuring and it results in less need as I know someone is there for me when I am in trouble. I tend to write down my thoughts and read them to whichever person I see or hand them over to be read. Again it depends on how fragile I feel.

I know it feels to be flooded with memories. I sat in the psych's room for two hours talking about a huge number of these memories and he sat and listened. At the end I felt exhausted but it felt good. It was so amazing to be cared for in this fashion and have someone listen without judgement. OK, so this is not the norm and may be your psych would not be able to suddenly give you several hours to sit and listen. When I started that session I had no idea it would end up that way.

My anxiety in seeing this new psych is the thought of going over old stuff and getting upset. I was told it would not be like that, but we would talk about the effects on me of these actions. So I feel a little better. There is little point in describing this stuff over again. Insecurity, fear, loss of confidence etc, and how to turn that around. So ask your psych about this. I will meet with this new psych every week for a while. I wonder why you have long gaps between your appointments as I feel it is not helpful to start with. Perhaps you could discuss this with the psych and/or your GP.

Hope this is useful.

Mary

[Guest_2350]

Hi Mary,

thank you for your reply. Please share how you go with the new psych. I can understand that you are anxious. I don't think I ever saw my GP as being part of the journey - I still struggle to talk to one person, but you are right, I would be able to see the GP more often. It is difficult for me to find appointments. I am scared  to do them during working hours, as I don't know how I will be after. So that leaves only late afternoon appointments and they are difficult to get. On top of that I have demanding job and and have other treatments due to my health. Can I talk to the GP about one lot of issues - my current health - and to the psych about the past? Since my health issues started a couple of years ago, I feel out of sync with myself.

I still have not talked to my partner, family or friends - both GP and psych have commented on this, but I have not been able to share my current journey. It took me a while to open up about my health, and even that is limited to only a few selected people. I feel like I am failing in my life. I have achieved so much and so much to live for and other people had a harder past and a much more difficult health situation (mine is in the big view of things really minor) and here I am feeling sorry for myself. I don't understand why I cannot just move on and cope, like I always have? I don't understand why things have changed. I don't understand how to explain an invisible health condition, how to explain my current mental state, how to make everyone understand, that yes there is something wrong with me, but they should not treat me differently. I don't want to be pigeon-holed. And I don't want to be reminded by a "how are you" when I am having a great day - is that so wrong?

I am glad my next psych appointment is coming up, so I can talk about all this as well. I will take what I wrote here as well, to have a chat about it.

[White_Rose]

Dear Yggy

Thanks for your reply. It is a common tendency to downplay our problems because others have worse problems. It's not about what's wrong with others but what help we need. Sure other folk have tremendous hurdles to get over but they will not be helped by you not receiving help. This is a game of comparisons that benefits no one. The bottom line is that when you are unwell you need treatment to get well again. There is no pecking order in illness.

I understand why you are nervous about going to work after seeing the psych. It is a legitimate concern. Many years ago I saw a psychiatrist before going to work. There were a number of times when I arrived at work in tears. Not a good look! Eventually I went straight after work.

Have a chat with your GP about discussing mental health and/or health issues on a regular basis. It will probably be cheaper and you can attend these appointments between your psych appointments. No reason why not. Great idea to take this correspondence to your next appointment.

Failing is such an emotive word and brings its own stresses. You have a successful life and I presume a happy life. Past events have finally caught up with you and have taken their toll. I imagine that, like the rest of us, you have squashed down your feelings until they can no longer be squashed and as the saying goes, have come back to bite you.Your body becomes tired and tries to tell you to slow down and get repaired while your brain tells you to keep going. The brain is really quite lazy about change and tries to maintain the status quo. So listen to your body and try to remove the stress. Can you perhaps take a couple of weeks of sick leave?

Health issues play a huge part in your mental health. I am trying to regain my former fitness, energy and motivation after I had surgery for breast cancer earlier this year. I also had radiotherapy which makes you very tired. After it had finished I spent week sitting around or sleeping and I am still getting tired at times. I'm doing the right thing but my body is repairing itself at its own rate. So give yourself permission to be unwell and work from there.

Talking to others is a very individual thing. It depends on the age of your children when, what and how much you tell them. I believe husbands should always be in the loop. Read the information available on BB and send for as much as you want including info for family and friends. I suggest you tell only a few trusted friends about your issues.

Mary

[Guest_2350]

My appointment was cancelled - although this can happen, I feel terrible. I am away for work next week, so I don't even know when I can reschedule. 1 step forward, 20 back...

[Guest_2350]

Please help.

I felt very bad today when I got the message that my appointment had been cancelled. It has been 4 weeks of carrying my thoughts around and waiting to talk and to feel clearer and I physically felt sick, when I found out. Eventually I managed to call my GP, but no luck there either. I am meeting my GP on Monday. It is another weekend of avoiding thoughts and feelings.

I just cannot continue this way. I think I need a psych who does more frequent PM appointments than my current one - but how can I find a good one? It seemed to be hard to find the first one - my GP and I talked a few times before I went to this one.

[Jacko777]

Hi yggy,

Sorry to hear about your cancelled appointment. If you are feeling low remember you can ring the Beyond Blue phone service, it's 24/7 and I bet they can help you to feel better, straight away.

So you have mentioned a few things you could try, perhaps you could try a meditation, there are some nice guided meditations on Youtube or check out smiling mind.com.au. You like music, put a long playlist on Youtube, dance. Some good exercise will get the good juices flowing and you will probably feel better immediately. You want to spend the weekend doing things that make you happy and hold your focus. Can you catch up with friends or family? Can you read a good book, catch a good movie, go somewhere new with your partner, fill your weekend with love and joy.

You know you can offload your thoughts here if you wish, if it helps. Love to you.

Jack