Lost - I am in a DV situation and I became recently unemployed

Wendy2010 · ‎16-10-2019

About me; I am in a DV situation and I became recently unemployed . Next week my lawyer will commence property proceedings against my husband. He will probably go off his head and I need to have some support (even though by the time he finds out I will be staying with a friend over 100km away). At some stage, however, I will have to return home to look for a place more permanent to stay, pack up my belongings and take my dog with me.

Aaronsis · ‎16-10-2019

Hello Wendy2010

I am so very glad that you have joined us here in this supportive and caring environment. By no means am I a professional but I hope that I can provide you with some comfort and support during this very difficult time.

I am so very very sad that you have experienced DV and that it has lead you to have to go through this very painful procedure of relocating and selling property, but I am just so very happy that you have somewhere safe to go and that you can be with your friend too.

I cant begin to imagine what you must be going through but there will be some wonderful people who will come on and join in and help you to get through this time.

I hear that you will have to return home and collect your things as well as your dog, that would be a very scary thing to anticipate especially as you said your husband will probably go off his head, however and please don't quote me on this..I am sure that if you are scared for your safety that you can request that the police escort you to your house while you collect your things and your animal, I am sure that this falls under the premise of protecting the community. I am sure that your friend would also come with you to do this but I feel like an independent person would be better, and seeing that has displayed violence before I feel like the police would be a good choice.

I am so glad that you have reached out for some help and I wish you all the very best as you start your new life. Please come back and chat as I would really like to know what you think of my suggestion and also know that you are ok.

AS

monkey_magic · ‎16-10-2019

Hi Wendy2010,

Let me just start of by saying well done for leaving the horrible environment. I can't imagine what you must have been through and im very excited for your new life.

Nobody deserves domestic violence or to be treated like they are unworthy.

When you do go back do you think you can like Aaronsis suggested find out if you can get a police escort or go back when you know he's not home. It would really concern and worry me if he was there while you're there given his past behaviour.

The most dangerous time in a domestic violence situation is when you leave. The domestic violence line taught me that. You can reach them on 1800 respect...or there's lifeline 131114 or the beyond blue line.

It must have taken you a lot of strength to leave and I would love for you to have more support also. A good psychologist could be the way to go, and writing in a journal.

Again, well done for leaving. I really hope you have as mimimal contact with him as possible now and can leave it all behind you one day.

I know because I left too....

Sozzy · ‎16-10-2019

Hi Wendy I too am a newby.

I am also a victim of DV, I didn’t even know I was. I thought you had to have

broken bones or bruises all over my body to say I am a DV victim! I too am lost!! After being with my X for over 26 years with two grown adult children living at home, two gorgeous dogs and a parrot I couldn’t cope anymore! I ended up in hospital and then to a Mental Health Unit for a week discharging me saying I would get free counseling and medication in an out patient capacity, it never happened. It has been horrible and so hard since the day I left my home!!! I know I can’t go back as one of the reasons I fell apart was no one helped around the building site of a house even though I was working too. But that was only a small part of it. I now have only the clothes I own a car and I rent a room from a friend for $250 a week, I’m also unemployed and a mess! I now suffer from anxiety and panic attacks

trying to find the right meds is difficult to. I just want to feel normal again and have my own place to live but feeling frightened all the time is so hard. I am 58 and people say it’s going to be so hard getting a job! I’m on Center Link on New Start with an exemption from my GP so not much money either. Anyway not to bash on but life is horrible!!!
Sally

Wendy2010 · ‎17-10-2019

Sally, my heart goes out to you. I am 57, and so I fully understand how difficult it is to feel like you have to start all over again! $250 sounds like a lot to try to pay on a Centerlink benefit; are you sure you can't get a rent rebate from your case manager at Centerlink? I am grateful that, with all you are going through, you still took the time to share your story with me and I suddenly do not feel alone. Thank you for that. I recently found myself at WILMA and they are helping me with some support, also. The DV I am experiencing is so subtle and debilitating, that when this is all said and done, my kids are unlikely to take my side; as their Dad (and always had) only showed his nasty side to me. Believe me, Sally, the torment is real and not just imagined. So we are not to blame! My kids are adults too, but simply have no idea how isolated I am, and they just think I "have a mental problem". In reality, I'm am just exhausted, and unsupported, and kept away from my friends and family. I urge you to keep in touch with your children, when you get the chance just remind them that you love them.

Wendy2010 · ‎17-10-2019

Thank you for sharing your reply Monkey-magic. I have an incredible survival instinct and I had to train myself to seek help whenever I felt like I could take any more. I am fortunate to have the upperhand in this situation, as I could see things were headed this way back some time ago. Believe it or not, I wanted to wait until my family had finished going through some stuff before I made a break for it. It's incredible that I have survived mentally for 31 years, but my love for my kids is incredible. Now they are both adults I know they can make their own decisions. As for me, my friend will keep me safe while legal proceedings start. I am also giving the heads-up to the local police and I will get a contact there, in preparation for the "big" exit day. Safety is definitely uppermost in my mind.

monkey_magic · ‎17-10-2019

Hi Wendy2010,

It's great to hear you have an incredible survival instinct, have the upperhand, & safety is your priority.

You have the "smarts" by the sounds of things. It is in fact incredible you sacrificed and survived so much for so long. Now is perhaps your time to "live" when you're not feeling so exhausted that is.

A lot of perpetrators do just show certain sides to certain people. You are definitely not alone in this as so many woman...and men..go through D.V....you're one of the brave ones- bcas you are leaving.

You might have to one day sit down and have an honest conversation with the kids so they can understand your side as well.

Take care,

MM

CKS · ‎20-10-2019

Hi Wendy2010

I 'ditto' what Aaronsis and monkey-magic wrote. Don't take any chances!

We are here for you.

CKS

CKS · ‎20-10-2019

Dear Sozzy, welcome!

Sorry to learn that you are facing very tough times. I have been in a similar situation in my life. I am now 58 and know only too well that things change and they get better. It takes hard work and a lot of determination but it pays off!

What type of work do you do? Do you have a good resume? Do you have excellent referees, who will speak highly of you? Do you have smart clothing to attend interviews?

Do you have any books on motivation?

My thoughts are with you...

We look forward to hearing from you again.

CKS