Pandora's Box

[Shakes89]

Hi....

I have never done this before, not sure how it works or even if it will help.

I am in the middle of pretty full on exposure for C-PTSD, it has not been fun at all, as was expected.

My wife is trying so hard to keep me grounded and to understand and help as much as she can, I broke down and admitted to her I was sexually abused for about a 13 month period when I was 12-13 years of age and have not been able to close that box since, it has completely consumed me, our son had an incident when he was a couple of years old and I thought I was going to lose him, from that day I have not been the same. I started having nightmares, became easily angry, my therapist has said that this incident was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.

Once I thought I had lost my son everything from when I was a child came back, not even when I close my eyes, when they are open, awake, asleep, whilst at work, at home, driving....at all times.

I was diagnosed with C-PTSD as multiple events led to where I am now.

I am not sure how I am going to see out the week at my work, I don't want to leave the house/ bed...ever.

Thankfully our son pulls me out of that and gets me up and about,

Being Male I have always been ashamed of what had happened and have tried very hard for it not to affect me 15-16 years on. I cant seem too, I'm not sure where to go for help....

Anyway...if you made it this far, thank you for reading.

[Alana_H]

Hi,

Thanks for posting and opening up about your experience. It sounds like you are taking steps right now to try and process your experience, but it must be unbelievably hard for you, especially with a family.

I think the shame you have felt must have been really hard and I know you've probably heard this before (but I'm going to say it again just to make sure) but what happened to you is nothing to be ashamed of, you should be proud for who you are today, the life/family you were able to make for yourself despite what you went through.

C-PTSD is a big diagnosis to grapple with, and it's going to take time to sort through what has lead you here, but the good news is that people have been able to improve their lives through treatment and it sounds like you are really willing to give things a go and get to a better place for your son/partner. Has there been things that your therapist has tried with you that are helping? I know it's not practical to you right now, but it's ok to have down days/weeks, you've been dealing with this for so long it's going to be a process to heal.

I wonder if you've got any support groups near you? Blueknot has a helpline (1300 657 380) you can call that can tell you what support might be near you, sometimes connecting with others can be a good additional help to a psychologist.

Keep going with you efforts, let yourself have bad days (easier said than done with a child I know) and try to remind yourself of how far you've come.

Alana_H

[Shakes89]

Hi Alana,

Thank you,

I am not in any support groups at this time, I would like too honestly though.

The exposure was working for certain events, unfortunately as there is so many different ones I'm having issues with concentrating on one for weeks at a time, my therapist is amazing and I understand the treatment and have had some wins with it, but we are still on day one of the abuse, it is getting easier to deal with but then there is the next day I'm already thinking about when I should be on the first one....anyway...gets quite hard, I am going to stop work soon I think

Thanks again.