Looking for hope

Showmehope · ‎27-06-2018

Looking for some hope as I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle against PTSD. I’ve started doing exposure therapy along with CBT. I think I’m beating it for a few days them BOOM, I’m back on the starting line of this journey. I need to know that this constant exposure to my triggers is worth it as I don’t know if I can continue it without hope. I’m determined to beat it but I struggle because I’m a single mother of a little girl and I can’t find a balance of fighting this and still being a good Mum. I have no family in this country so it’s just the two of us and I sometimes feel that the avoidance is the better option for my daughters well being but I know that this is part of the condition which I so desperately want to overcome.

White_Rose · ‎28-06-2018

Hello SMH

It is nice to feel you can relax with others without them worrying about you. It's also wise to pick and choose who you will take into your confidence. Once something is shared you cannot take your words back. When it's seen that you have not grown horns or flying on your broomstick I think your friends will simply just carry on their lives with you. It is comforting to be with those you care for without feeling watched in any way.

It's sad you cannot tell your family what is happening to you. Writing is not always the best way as it can be misinterpreted. Do you have Skype? And does anyone in your family have Skype. When you start feeling better you could arrange to talk to them and they will see you are OK. It's also another way to enlarge your support circle. Regular chats with your family members, if you get on with them, can also help. But as you say, it's better to not worry them at the moment. May I ask where you come from? I tend to think everyone comes from the UK where I was born. However, I have lived here three times longer than I lived in the UK.

Mary

Showmehope · ‎06-07-2018

Hi Mary.

Im from Scotland (Glasgow). Been here for 15 years. My family are supporting my mother through her terminal cancer at present and this is tough on them which is the main reason I avoid them. Not only do I not want to be a burden but I also know that I’m not able to cope with this at the moment and fear that any bad news will send me so far back in my recovery. I’m doing much better with my exposure therapy now and have sought out some other friends to help me. It’s all trial and error fighting this illness but I’m determined not to give up. Hope you’re doing well

White_Rose · ‎15-07-2018

Hello SMH

I am sorry I have not replied earlier. I have had one of those backwards steps we have talked about. A number of things happened such as my email system running amok and not being able to do much for a couple of days. It sounds like a small thing to happen but it really pushed my buttons and ended with me in tears. No doubt I would have coped easily at any other time but when several things crash in your life it makes keeping a sense of proportion quite difficult. I followed my own advice, amazingly, and sat down to think about what was happening.

I have a wonderful support person who phoned me and talked about what was happening. She went through the various events and I saw the email thing was getting fixed so I could stop getting uptight. Then we went through the others and decided if it was in my power to do anything. Once I could separate the various competing events I started to feel better. This is being fixed, that is something I will need to look at, the other is out of my control and I need to put it aside now that I have had a good look.

I know that all sounds easy but it really I needed someone to say "Stop" and go through everything as logically as I could. Which brings me to the last comment. When we get upset or uptight the first casualty is the ability to think in any logical or reasonable manner. Getting a little more calm and taking the metaphorical deep breath helps to start again and work through the problem.

In general I have found this to be very useful. If your psych has given you a different method then go with that one. There is always more than one answer.

My son-in-law comes from Glasgow and for a long time I needed my daughter to interpret some of the things he said. Either I am getting better at understanding his words or he is losing his Glasgow accent. Perhaps a mixture of both. The result is I can hold a conversation with him without the need for my daughter's presence. In some ways this is an analogy for our MI. Listening very carefully to our bodies can be a great help. The body has always been there and sent the right messages. The problem is we have not tuned ourselves to the body's wavelength.

It is so cold here (Brisbane). We are experiencing record cold temperatures overnight which are going to stay here for several more days. Just not used to it.

Mary