LONELY

[Celestial1111]

Hi

I've recently let go of my toxic friends & now I have no friends.

But I couldn't keep people in my life who didn't listen to me or dismissed me or really didn't give a crap.Thats exactly how I got treated growing up.

And with my family I only have a superficial relationship with them because they tear u down if u open up & r honest & vulnerable.

Im learning to have boundaries with people or just letting them go if they dont care about me.

It's hard because I feel lonely & isolated but I remind myself that I dont want to keep feeling devalued or unworthy by having unhealthy connections.

I also remind myself that if I keep to myself healing path I will attract loving supportive caring people in my life.

I know I will have hard days but its harder to stay in places that u r not welcomed which has been all my life.

I want to shift the paradigm because it wasn't my fault I was made to feel unlovable & not enough 

• Children r born lovable & good enough but trauma reprograms them to feel otherwise so hence why im working to reprogram those distorted messages & love myself.

[E_B_just_trying]

Hello.

I am turning 52 in March even though I still feel 5 sometimes, 13 sometimes, etc.  Personally in all my years I have accumulated 2 friends.  One is my wife and the other is a guy I know who I just click with.  I'm always feeling "up" when he is down and vice versa.

A lot of people know don't really look forward to talking with me as I am neurodivergent and only really interested in talking about really heavy stuff!  I don't do banal!  There is one thing I do realise however.  Many people don't like talking to me because I ask them to evaluate their own lives and many struggle with this exercise. 

These days I am trying to be compassionate to others but I have very "black and white" viewpoints which I've discovered are very challenging for others.  I have decades of therapy under my belt which gives me a lot of insight into others. 

I don't know why others are toxic towards you but perhaps they are not doing as well as you may think.  A lot struggle with poor self esteem and anxiety,  That they take this out on you shows they may actually believe you are more capable than them of dealing with these negative feelings they have and are venting through you. Family can be tough.  My family life was interesting but had a lot of positives I am not always able to see.  At times we have not communicated for long periods but I find they are the people I miss the most.  I don't know why but at the end of the day, they were there when I was at my worst.  And they are still there even today. You are not totally isolated.  I will reply to any message if you like.  I am endeavouring to check in here at least once a day.  I am human and sometimes say the wrong thing but I do believe somewhere and somehow is an answer for everybody.  After all, when it's all said and done, we only have eachother to talk to.  If you'd like to share one of your interests, I do like to learn new things.  Thanks for reading my ramblings.  I know I am a bit scattered but I am learning there are good people here.   

[key31]

hi Celestial1111, 

My name is key, i am 24 female, and in the exact same predicament. i wanted to ask your age and if we could be friends. i want friends I can depend on, to find community. 

[therising]

Hi Celestial1111

You write such an honest and inspiring post for those who are looking to raise themself. As I imagine you'd know, some days it can be so far from easy to the point where you're left wondering whether you're doing it right. Can be such a challenging process, that's for sure. 

I agree, children are born lovable and with so much potential. All the incredible abilities we come into this world with can be either developed, suppressed or conditioned out of us. How we're led to master a sense of imagination can lead it to become an incredible tool or ability, helping develop us into a great visionary. How we're led to master a sense of wonder, a sense of questioning, a sense of intuition and all that kind of stuff, determines to a degree how we're going to master life itself. Sometimes it can be a matter of 'coming to our senses' again. Based on my own experience, I'd say the ability to feel would have to be one of the most challenging senses of all. I think it's because it can be incredibly painful at times, tormenting, enraging, confusing and more. 'What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? What is this feeling trying to tell me?' are just a few of the many questions on our quest for greater self understanding or enlightenment. All great quests come with plenty of questions and if we're taught (as kids) not to question so much, this definitely makes it hard when it comes to knowing how to question constructively.

One of the best pieces of advice ever given to me came from a guy who said 'If you want to develop yourself, find your circle (a circle of people who are interested in a specific type of development)'. Some of these people will become acquaintances and some will become good friends. Whether it involves a circle of people who want to develop mentally, physically or soulfully, they become interested in not only their own growth but each other's as well (ours included). In evolution I believe there is true love to be found. The time and effort we put into our own evolution mirrors the amount of love we have for ourself. So, while we've been working hard to raise ourself through seeking and obtaining much needed revelations, we may not have fully realised that we've been gradually loving ourself back to life the whole time. I believe those who truly love us on an incredibly deep level will inspire us to question, to wonder, to imagine, to create further channels of inspiration and they will inspire us to feel in all the ways that come to serve us.❤️