In laws issues

[Abbat]

Have had 14 yrs problems with my in laws. Notably mil and fil. I have no parents as mine died a long time ago when I was younger. I am essentially alone.

Having met husband and dated for a while, he moved into my flat and we lived there for a while. I sold my flat and we headed to his home town.

There I bought a house which I put into both our names. Fast forward four years.

I was drug raped. No one believed me. Especially mil.

Mil informed me that I must go back to where I came from and husband will be "fine in the house without you" (That I paid for).

I go back to my home town. Husband follows me. We sell house. We rent.

Eventually husband finds problems with his jobs. A regular occurrence and a lot of job hopping he does.

We decide to move to a coastal town. We rent. Mil and fil decide to visit for Christmas. All our belongings were in storage. Visit was ok. Husband and I paid for everything.

Then husband's job going badly so we have to move again. This time we stay in the place for a few years. Mil and fil visit again for Christmas. Mil rings Prior to visit. She asks if I have all my belongings with me. They stay with us in our home. Husband goes back to work after Christmas. All ok until then.

They got me on my own, fil said "where are your valuables!" Very aggressively. I said I had given them to my cousin for safekeeping. A lie. I had hidden them away.

They stayed for 5 weeks. During which time they made many trips with laden bags to the local op shop that I volunteered in. I was so busy cleaning and cooking for them that I had to cancel my volunteer Work whilst they were there.

i did not realise that it was strange that they were donating things to the op shop when they were guests in our home. What could they be taking there?

Before they left they shouted at me and told me I was useless as I did not have a job, they said their other Dil was so much better than me and had a career, they tried to Bait me but I did not react. My husband sat through their entire rant without standing up for me.

After they left I discovered my family heirlooms were gone including my mother's jewelry, rosary, christening dress, her needlework, my stamp albums, ornaments and my great grandmother's collection of silk and lace.

Mil rang and told me I must go to the op shop. I could not understand why.

I found remnants at op shop, realised that is where they had donated my belongings, but could not trace them.

I am v upset, personal family heirlooms. I can't accuse them.

[james1]

Hello Abbat

I'm so sorry to hear about the issues you are having with your in laws, and I understand your husband has not stood up for you at times you wanted him to. Especially now with the family heirlooms gone... I understand why you are feeling really upset.

It sounds like you are very alone in your dealings with your mil and fil. Do you have any friends who you can speak to and confide in? From your post, I understand you've had issues with them for a long time now, and you did not mention anybody being on your side or helping. So I am wondering if you have anybody you can speak to? It would be terribly hard for anyone to have to deal with this on their own.

James

[Croix]

Dear Abbat~

I'd like to join James in welcoming you here, I guess right now you are in very a lonely place.

Life has not been kind to you, firstly with the death of your parents, leaving you on your own, then meeting a peron who came from a family that is cruel, selfish and has a sense of entitlement that is totally unacceptable.

From you way you recount things it looks very like your in-law's felt their son son should have everything you had - including the house, and when things did not go as they desired they sought vengeance in the cruelest way possible.Perhaps that saw it as bride-price

I suspect from the fact your husband did not stand up for you he too may have had those twisted family values -am I wrong?

When my parents split up and I saw one of them very many yeas later I found the things from my childhood were mostly missing -a few remained. This really hurt, it was if they were a part of me, and I guess that is how family heirlooms come to be prized. Not for their monetary value but from sentiment, love and a desire for continuity.

I've had to reconcile myslef to the fact that in the end they are only 'things', not people or memories.

So you were betrayed, deliberately hurt, in a way that showed intent and calculated cunning. A very hard thing to live with, particularly as it makes you feel powerless.The one you might have looked to for support betrayed you too.

I can't say much about the drug-rape, it is one of the most horrible and invasive acts, and would ask if you ever sought psychological help about it? Maybe not being believed was the worst thing afterwards, but it is all an enormous injury - professional support can be a surprising help at times.

As well as all the terrible things that have happened to you I see other things in your post too. I see a person that is generous, putting a house you paid for in both names. One with the strength to persevere wiht an unhelpful husband for 14 years and move from place to place for his advantage.

I see someone who can hold hold their temper under extreme provocation and also someone who wants to help others, and does so in an op-shop.

I will mention in passing 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732), the organisation to talk with after family abuse such as this, they offer good advice and some comfort

You are a worthy person with many admirable traits and deserve far better than you have received up to now.

Would you like to say what your plans are? I look forward to talking with you again

Croix

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