I'm so disillusioned by life

[Chellc]

Everything that I held dear to me, everything that I believed in is wrong, is gone or nearly gone.

My life has been effected traumatically by other peoples decisions and I'm no longer in control. Should I really care? I don't know anymore. Nobody cared about me when they made their decisions, withholding the truth about things, even lied to stop me from finding out or being found out themselves.

The ripple effect of some thoughtless, selfish person, only out for themselves makes a decision to destroy someone else's life. How this poor sole reacts, which in some instances, not all, is only human nature, may, in turn devastate and cripple someone else, and so forth.

No-one would actually believe that my life has happened if I sat down and told you everything. Days of our lives would be a dull substitute.

Half of me feels like crumbling in defeat, the other stands tall, you cannot destroy me I have not done anything wrong.

I'm teetering. If I heard the latest events about somebody else, I would really have trouble with what sort of person they really was! For that to happen. But really, it's just something dreamed up by somebody else who doesn't want to be found out about their own lies they've told in the past.

Now I'm homeless, jobless, children less, husband less. What the first husband didn't take, the 2nd one did. What the 2nd one did to my children they have not said, I know is bad, i cannot take responsibility for his actions, only after being fooled, introducing him, but if you don't tell me I can't protect you.

Now my beautiful babies that I have tried protecting all their lives, now young adults , hold secrets of their own, and have taken what was left, leaving me homeless, jobless, carless, and all alone. What sort of mother is she, I would say if I didn't know better. They have evicted me from their lives.

What is the point?

[ChrissyStar]

I can relate to your post. Take heart that you will grow in strength & wisdom beyond what many others can. And with this comes great ability. It's the up-side to the 'series of unfortunate events' you are describing. (Or the upside to the downside.)

Recognise that you have ( & will grow more) insight + understanding that others can/do not. Honour this for what it is - A SPECIAL ABILITY TO KNOW & MANAGE WHAT OTHERS CANNOT. You now have inherent gifts & are gaining more everyday.

I'll recount an experience to explain...I was walking along the shared balcony of an apartment block to my unit door when 2 girls (6 or 7 yrs old) came straight up to me as if they had known me their whole lives. They told me about a man who had been making them feel uncomfortable & asked me what they should do. In an instant I recognised what was happening - what my role was. It was to activate my SPECIAL ABILITY TO KNOW & MANAGE WHAT OTHERS CAN'T. With unwavering confidence & clarity I told them what they needed to know. The girls nodded in understanding. I asked them about their family & wasn't surprised to hear their reply. I thought to myself - now I know why they came up to me. Something about me meant that the ones who needed help - had someone to turn to. All those traumatic years, all that shouldering of others, all that suffering I experienced...it almost seemed worth it, just to know that it kept these girls safe.

I know it's hard for you now. And I know this doesn't help with your situation physically...but please remember that you are a powerful being who is growing even more powerful. The experiences you have survived are no small feat! This makes you amazing. Whether you recognise it, or not...I can hear it in your story (it's pretty loud & clear to me) = you are a Super Woman! And that will never change.

I hope you realise this as soon as posssible & give yourself the credit you deserve. Hugs!