Have I created my own 'echo chamber'?

[ecomama]

Hi everyone

I hope you're doing well today.

I have talked with only 2 of my friends since deciding to get more tailored psychological help from a Specialist Trauma Psychologist. That's a lot more than I usually speak to friends in a week.

Anyway they are a little bewildered, confused and are questioning whether the feedback from probably 6 psychologists and counsellors is a definite on a PSTD / C-PTSD diagnosis. In fact one psych said "it's a no brainer really, it's more like how could you NOT have PTSD after such events"... My friends are more or less saying that they think I'm okay. One session will probably be all I need etc..

Regardless of what any friends think, I am still resolved to follow this path of psych support. I know it will be a long time getting such support and more probably.

After reflecting on my friend's lives, and they have not been easy by any stretch... they have suffered their own quite severe traumas, I am wondering if I had just created my own 'echo chamber'? Meaning that now I only have friends who have experienced severe trauma themselves. ATM none of my friends are in counselling and most have never had any.

I 'know' other people who may call me a 'friend' but I'll call them acquaintances as I have not leaned on them in tough times, or they with me much. I put distance between these people and myself.

All of my close friends are quite closed off socially. They don't associate with each other. I talk very openly with these friends and they with me.

I wonder whether part of my denial having PTSD and seeking further treatment has been because of my choice of friends to a certain degree? They think my behaviours are quite normal or 'to be expected' etc.

I'm not blaming them at all. I love them dearly. I'm not sure what to think about it all...

Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
Thankyou
EM

[white knight]

Hi EM

Thankyou for your post.

I don’t seek advice from my friends in terms of what treatment I should acquire, I strictly leave that to the experts. Eg a friend saying “you might only need one session “ etc then that would tell me I’m not very ill yet my upbringing could harbour serious issues not apparent. and long treatment justified.

I do talk about my illness but in general not treatment. The same reason we have s rule here not to discuss brands of medications because we individuals are not experts in what others should be administered.

The mentally ill can appear and behave quite normally. I’ve been told “you aren’t bipolar, bipolars are the type that run around nude in the rain”. I kid you not, there are some odd “experts” out there.

I hope that gives you a different perspective

TonyWK

[ecomama]

Thankyou TonyWK

My thoughts about my original post are becoming a little more precise, sorry for my lack of clarity. But yes agreed, I wouldn't let my friends influence any treatment or my choice of MH professional.

It was more like, I think I've created my own echo chamber by only having close friends who have experienced similar traumas.

It only occurred to me today that even though my closest friends don't associate with each other, meaning we are not a group of friends that hang out or anything. They are each sensitive, empathic souls who have all had quite severe trauma of different sorts.

All but 1 has had counselling. That's totally up to them. They don't judge me for seeking help. I don't judge them for not.

Maybe because I have these people as my closest friends, then perhaps I have thought "I'm ok" when I haven't been? Perhaps being only in open communication with these friends has perpetuated my denial?

I'm aware that my mother completely forbid counselling of any types and I was in my 30s before I sought any. She was vehemently against me doing this. In less than a decade after this I was NC with mother.

Does this make any sense lol?

EM

[GimZim]

I think I get you (I have dyslexia so my reading comprehension isn't great sometimes so correct me if I'm wrong, I don't mind).

Do you think your friends are coming from a good place when they talk about your treatment, that maybe they're trying to reassure you by saying you won't be in therapy long term? I don't really think it's good to speculate about things like that but maybe they mean well. It's good to have peer support but worth taking things said with a grain of salt.

I've also experienced people who are traumatised downplaying my issues so they can be in denial about their own. I also had problems getting diagnosed because I was too high functioning for a long time so I empathise with what you're saying. I've had problems with downplaying my own experiences because I know people who've "had it worse", or had others downplay it for that same reason.

I hope any of that made sense, I'm feeling a bit spacey today but I wanted to respond to you.

Take care.

[ecomama]

Hi GimZim, YES! Thankyou, yes that's helped me see things more clearly. Thankyou for responding.

In my previous post I wrote something incorrectly. ONLY 1 close friend has had counselling. None of the others have.

After reflecting on your post, I see that maybe in me telling them what I'm doing, they need to say the downplaying things because they don't want to see themselves as needing counselling. IDK.

The 1 friend who HAS had counselling, I spoke to last night. He was in therapy for 10y. Even HE was downplaying my need for anything further lol.

Tbh I think they don't want me to be mentally unwell. They want me to be okay. It's "easier" for some when it's a physical issue... oh go see that Dr & get it fixed, done.

Mental Health issues are an ocean. For inexperienced sailors looking out to the ocean from shore, they think no way am I gonna sail THAT lol. The difference between them and me is that I am NOT on the shore. I've been drowning in the ocean. I need a life raft, ship to save me, a freaking helicopter to air lift or ALL 3 IDK!

I need help. I know I do. That's the thing. I will seek and get help for the things I NEED. No one else is responsible for MY mental health, just ME.

And I am here, right now, knowing this. I will act upon it now, and I will say, before it's too late.

I KNOW I could end up in far worse places in all sectors of my life if I don't seek and get the right help NOW. I have family members who are not well at all! They are experiencing terrible troubles, some severe, in their lives; their housing, habits, addictions, work situations, intimate family are reflecting this. I can see what here leads to. I am at a crossroads and have chosen my path.

I cannot bring my family down the gurgler with me. I want to sail the ocean competently and have fun doing it. Heck I may even get in and swim with the dolphins lol.

Thanks GimZim, you're awesome.

EM

[white knight]

You’re right ecomama, I’m finding it a tad confusing. Does either of these poems fit in with your feelings?

SOCIETY OF SAND

I'm sitting in a desert
of sand of friend and foe
Cant seem to find a spot
where I dont stand on toes

I collect a handful of grain
and watch as it escapes
just like some friendships
a barren temporary landscape

I create my own oasis
by weeping on a weed
but the sand around me laughs
because it doesnt have a need

Till lately it be my friends
that helped me walk the land
they help me, propping me up
-supportive grains of sand

I begin to sink so slowly
as they gather my precious hide
the quicksand laughing so loudly
a kind man says goodbye

And as I become "one of them"
my heart now granuled and dry
I try to weep to water the weeds
by sand has no means to cry

Damn it! to be like them
be damned if I be like them
I crawl out of the society of sand
- to remain the man I am.......

TonyWK

LEGS OF SPOKE

How can I let them know?
when to dark exceeds the glow
when the sun hides behind the clouds
silence they hear- but I scream so loud.

Some stand beside a 6 foot hole
shake their heads and see its toll
they ask how he could have dropped
out of the circle- a forget me knot

Yet they seem to see clear and there is hope
when they sight a person with legs of spoke
A cripple girl pushing her chair
A man be manic- there's no one there

"Storm in a tea cup" hurts so bad
like the cyber crow who remains so glad
keeps flying and in full flight
Carves his craft in the middle of the night

For some in power see it their way
even at the side of a 6 foot grave
shake their head and call out "why"
"Why on earth- he didnt have to die"

So kind some be- they reach out so true
smile then say "we want to meet you"
"bring along your vintage car and your smile
but leave at home whats behind your dial"...

So we laugh and dine and all is ok
leave at home come what may
if I be saddled with legs of spoke
they'd lift me around- bloody good bloke

But as my mind hurts so bad
cannot hide my feelings- mad?
Cant maintain "bloody good bloke"
Sometimes I wished...I had legs of spoke......

TonyWK

[ecomama]

Oh they are such beautiful poems TonyWK, thankyou so much for sharing them.

I can relate.

I love the entire metaphor or is it simile? IDK of the seed in the sand.

"Legs of spoke" indeed.

Thankyou
Love EM