new to this

[goobookworm]

hi everyone i just signed up today so that i could ask for some advice and also read about other people in similar situations to my own.

i am 19 years old and still live with my parents and siblings, i'm studying at uni and struggling, and i have a job which i'm grateful for but i'm earning only around $150 a week. my relationship with my father is a negative one, we don't get along and he is very critical of me no matter what i do. i try and try and try to make him happy and do chores around the house, do my uni work and maintain a healthy lifestyle but nothing ever seems to be enough. he is very obsessed with being productive all the time, rarely am i allowed downtime or time to relax, he also believes that my mental health is because i'm unhealthy and addicted to my phone. this of course being untrue as i am healthy and relatively fit and don't spend much time on my phone at all, i have been struggling with severe depression and anxiety for 6 years now and recently have been struggling with ptsd issues associated with an incident that occurred late last year. from when i wake up, when he gets home from work and then till i go to bed it is constant criticism, yelling and threatening with physical violence. sometimes i wish he would hurt me so i could have a reason to leave. as you can see my living situation is not ideal, i know that a lot of people have it worse than me and my father constantly reminds me how lucky i am that he is able to provide a comfortable living situation for us, i am grateful for the physical and material things my parents have provided to me but i am tired and can't handle living here for much longer.

so after all of that i am asking how i can move out. i do not want to be financially reliant on my parents for anything and for quite a long time now they have stopped providing me with anything but a roof above my head. i have little money in savings and my with my job it is difficult to imagine being able to provide myself with much considering the smaller amount i earn per week. but i definitely know that i need to, its difficult to live like this and with not much in terms of a support system or lack of i am struggling quite a lot. i just need some advice please and thank you.

ps. sorry this is all over the place and there's not much of a coherent structure, i hope that its still able to be understood.

[Soberlicious96]

Dear goobookworm,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

I want to start by saying that if you are in any danger of being harmed at any time, please don't hesitate to call the police. A threat of harm should not be taken lightly. No on has the right to harm anyone else, no matter who it is that is 'paying the bills' so to speak. You deserve and need to be SAFE not scared.

I must say that the circumstances that have brought you here sound quite distressing. It's one thing to have a 'materially comfortable home, but if there is "yelling and threatening with physical violence" then that is certainly not a safe home, no matter how 'comfortable' it may be in furnishings and the like.

Please know that there are many organizations out there which can provide funding and financial assistance for people who are in unsafe and unhealthy situations in their current home. I know that, because I am someone who works in a place where those organizations spend a lot of money for their clients. From furniture, to white goods, to rent assistance ....... there are places out there that can and will help you to get a place of your own where you would not be yelled at and threatened with violence.

Department of Human Services, for example, may be able to help you? Your local Centrelink office may also be able to provide you with some advice. Even if you were to call the 1800 RESPECT Line (1800737732) they too might be able to point you in the right direction for funding and other counseling services that are available to you.

Perhaps you could start by making an appointment with one or two of those organizations I have mentioned, yeah? Do you think that might help? Please do consider it at least. Because like I said, you deserve to be safe, not scared.

In the meantime, Beyond Blue is here for you and with you for as much support as you need.

Take care, and let me know, if you want, how you go with those suggestions above.

I'll be thinking of you. xo

[Sophie_M]

Hi goobookworm,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We're so sorry to hear that you're struggling at home. It sounds like a really tough situation with your father. We understand that this would lead you to struggle - it sounds like you're having to manage quite a lot. Please know that you don't have to go through this alone, there is help available to you. We have sent you a private message to offer some additional support.

It looks like Soberlicious96 has given some excellent advice. We would also strongly recommend that you get in touch with Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services. They will be well-equipped to offer you the best information around moving out and accessing financial means  - https://headspace.org.au/

This is a transcript of one of their group chats on Living Independently -
https://www.eheadspace.org.au/eheadspace/group-chat/living-independently/transcript/

You might also be interested in joining in with some of our other threads on the topic of moving out-

Moving Out -
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/moving-out

Moving out of parents house -
https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/seeking-support/helping-yourself-and-others/online-forums/...

Thanks again for reaching out as we know that it can be really tough to do this for the first time. We hope that you find some comfort here in the words of wisdom and kindness that our community can offer.