PTSD and Trauma

Emotional Abuse at home

replies: 6

I’m a proud father of two kids and a wife of over 18 years. I love my family so much and would do anything for them. I’ve struggled with mental health my whole life, I feel like my childhood was shitty and I can’t pinpoint why no matter how hard I th... View more

I’m a proud father of two kids and a wife of over 18 years. I love my family so much and would do anything for them. I’ve struggled with mental health my whole life, I feel like my childhood was shitty and I can’t pinpoint why no matter how hard I think. My dad was an alcoholic who gambled a lot and had lots of ups and downs but I still can’t say why I was so messed up as a kid. Me and my SO got together young and almost obsessed about eachother for years, I did have OCD so I guess I felt ok with that. Fast forward then we had our kids and suddenly my partner became even more important which made me scared to lose her, I would worry and obsess when she went out and worry she was going to cheat, I would accuse her of cheating with any male that was close to her including family and friends. My ocd would kick in and I became obsessed with it all and began to try to control it by reading her private phone and reading her messages and everything else. I then began to stop her from going out, having friends. If she was at home with me I had control. This has been going on for over 10 years. We’re almost about to break up. I am an emotional abuser... She is even scared to go to buy food without me. In trapping her in this toxic relationship for so long I have made her a prisoner. As much as she is a prisoner I am too. To my mental health. I know that this isn’t the real me but have been scared to get true help. In my heart I know she is a good person and I trust her but my ocd or mental health questions things that I should never. I want trust back, I want my life back, I want her to be proud of me and I want us both to be free, whatever it takes. I’m ready to change and looking for a mental health facility that can take me for a couple of weeks so I may begin to repair myself. I’d prefer the holistic approach as I am weary of drugs/antidepressants. Happy to hear any input, even if you want to tell me what an idiot I am, I deserve it. I have called her every thing under the sun and treated her so bad, now even my young son is picking up on the negativity. I want to change for my kids and her and myself too. Please share input, happy to answer questions whether you have done what I’ve done or even if you are abused and want to ask me what you can’t ask your partner who may be an abuser too.

I just want to sleep

replies: 3

I'm struggling with sleep. I'm either awake all night or I'm in a light sleep with terrifying recuring dreams. I can't remember the last time I didn't wake up in a pool of sweat. The doctor's just want to stuff me with pills and I understand that's g... View more

I'm struggling with sleep. I'm either awake all night or I'm in a light sleep with terrifying recuring dreams. I can't remember the last time I didn't wake up in a pool of sweat. The doctor's just want to stuff me with pills and I understand that's going to help me sleep but it turns me into a zombie the next day. The pills they gave me to stop the nightmares made it so much worse. It's also hard to trust my self around so many prescription pills after my previous suicide attempt. I have been looking into other remedies. I have just purchased an acupressure mat and a weighted blanket. They are suppose to be great relieving stress and anxiety and help you sleep. Has anyone used these with any positive results? Does anyone have any other non medicated remedies?

Undiagnosed PTSD ...

replies: 4

Hi everyone I'm posting here because I've never really told anyone this before, but I think I might have undiagnosed PTSD. It all stems from a workplace I was briefly in 2yrs ago. I got there after 4yrs of studying to qualify for the job, but when I ... View more

Hi everyone I'm posting here because I've never really told anyone this before, but I think I might have undiagnosed PTSD. It all stems from a workplace I was briefly in 2yrs ago. I got there after 4yrs of studying to qualify for the job, but when I got there, the job was not as advertised. I only had 1hr of client contact per fortnight and was given tasks such as going out to buy toilet paper. I was surrounded by colleagues who constantly had a go at me about the fact that they were too busy. I started to feel depressed. Managers told me I was depressed because I had moved away from my friends. They therefore said I had no insight into my condition When my so called supervisor, who was in a different town and didn't provide me with a single session of supervision, found out that I have a bipolar diagnosis, he decided that months ago when we met I had been manic (which I wasn't). He hadn't thought to mention anything about this at the tim After that I was bullied, and treated like crap. I ended up in hospital 3 times in 4 months, including a suicide attempt. I was not allowed to do anything at work and was accused of multiple disciplinary failures which were fabricated by managers. I was banned from speaking to anyone at work and was told i was not allowed to meet coworkers for coffee outside of work. I was required to act as a receptionist making bookings for coworkers who did not keep their calendars updated and was then berated when I accidentally double booked people. When I left, I found out that the 'supervisor' had reported me to the board saying I had no insight into my condition. Despite my psychiatrist and GP and the boards own psychiatrist all agreeing that my issue was situational and I was fine to work, I still ended up with conditions being enforced that stopped me from working for 2 years. Since leaving that workplace, my mental health has been much better and I have not been back to hospital. I am now allowed to practice again and am just about to start what sounds like a dream job. However the anxiety that this situation might happen again is very high, and I feel like I can't talk to my new workplace about the situation because I found out in the last job that I cannot tell employers about my diagnosis. I still feel like crap every day because of the 2yrs I've just wasted and the injustice of what went on in that workplace, Sorry for the rant!

Seeking a diagnosis for CPTSD (or complex trauma)

replies: 4

Hi there This is my first post, so I apologize if I somehow get this wrong. I think I may have CPTSD or complex trauma and I was wondering how one might go about getting a diagnosis (since its not in the DSM-V)? I know you shouldn't self diagnose, bu... View more

Hi there This is my first post, so I apologize if I somehow get this wrong. I think I may have CPTSD or complex trauma and I was wondering how one might go about getting a diagnosis (since its not in the DSM-V)? I know you shouldn't self diagnose, but nothing else seems to fit or feel right. I know symptomatically CPTSD is quite varied but I recently started reading Jonice Webb's book on childhood emotional neglect and Pete Walker's website on CPTSD and a lot of my wildly varied behaviours suddenly seem to make some sort of sense. I started down this path as my new psychologist started delving into my childhood and since then I've been doing a lot of reflecting and reading. I think I've spent most of my life using various coping mechanisms just to get by which might explain why I feel like I've spent my entire life floating or living day to day. Why I've said or done certain things that have hurt people close to me. I tried CBT with my first psychologist, but it all felt too superficial. Like using tape to cover the cracks instead of finding the source of the problem and putting in structural supports in. I also realised some months in that I had started to say what I thought she wanted to hear, because I was afraid of letting her down (I know, its a bit ironic). I'm grateful my new psychologist has decided to delve into my past, but I really want to hit the ground running this time instead of just skipping along the surface which is why I thought a diagnosis might help.

*Trigger Warning" Being sexually harassed

replies: 4

I’m being sexually harassed he’s trying to force me into having sex when I clearly said no i don’t want he’s lucky I’m not under 18 because if I were I’d tell my child psychologist and she’d help protect me but I have people who care I have helplines... View more

I’m being sexually harassed he’s trying to force me into having sex when I clearly said no i don’t want he’s lucky I’m not under 18 because if I were I’d tell my child psychologist and she’d help protect me but I have people who care I have helplines forums the hospital’s professionals and my friends and family and my boyfriend but can any tell what me sexual harassment is

Bushfire trauma being bought up again

replies: 1

So I know this may be hard for people as well, but I just need to talk. So christmas/new year, I was with my parents and brother at the holiday home in the Snowy Mountains. My dad said to leave my car at home in Sydney and we will all travel in one c... View more

So I know this may be hard for people as well, but I just need to talk. So christmas/new year, I was with my parents and brother at the holiday home in the Snowy Mountains. My dad said to leave my car at home in Sydney and we will all travel in one car. So we did, then the bushfires started, New Years Eve and New Years Day we were on emergency ember attack alert. Jan 2, after hearing that the fires were coming and knowing that my parents had to drive me over to canberra to pick up the CountryLink back to Sydney in a couple of days time, I made the decision to leave on. The last bus out. My parents and brother stayed behind. At the time, my parents were saying that it was like I was running scared, but I just had this feeling that they might not get back after taking me the 200kms one way to meet the train. So staying at a friends house for 2 days until my train back to Sydney, I was there while the firestorm hit the town, reports were coming in that places were lost, the town was surrounded by fire and everyone had been evaluated to the safest spot. I have never been so scared in my life. My parents were obviously traumatised by the incident, but I felt that they didn’t understand that I was deeply traumatised too. I felt so guilty for leaving. I should have stayed. all was fine until today when they said about regional travel again and my parents said that if safe we will go down for the longweekend next month. I haven’t been back since fleeing from the fires and now all that trauma of feeling guilty about leaving and being selfish that I left have just come back up and I just feel so down and can’t stop crying. I can see that I am still traumatised and still wish that I had stayed. Will the guilt of leaving my parents behind while I selfishly left cause I knew I had to go back to work ever go away?

Have I created my own 'echo chamber'?

replies: 6

Hi everyone I hope you're doing well today. I have talked with only 2 of my friends since deciding to get more tailored psychological help from a Specialist Trauma Psychologist. That's a lot more than I usually speak to friends in a week. Anyway they... View more

Hi everyone I hope you're doing well today. I have talked with only 2 of my friends since deciding to get more tailored psychological help from a Specialist Trauma Psychologist. That's a lot more than I usually speak to friends in a week. Anyway they are a little bewildered, confused and are questioning whether the feedback from probably 6 psychologists and counsellors is a definite on a PSTD / C-PTSD diagnosis. In fact one psych said "it's a no brainer really, it's more like how could you NOT have PTSD after such events"... My friends are more or less saying that they think I'm okay. One session will probably be all I need etc.. Regardless of what any friends think, I am still resolved to follow this path of psych support. I know it will be a long time getting such support and more probably. After reflecting on my friend's lives, and they have not been easy by any stretch... they have suffered their own quite severe traumas, I am wondering if I had just created my own 'echo chamber'? Meaning that now I only have friends who have experienced severe trauma themselves. ATM none of my friends are in counselling and most have never had any. I 'know' other people who may call me a 'friend' but I'll call them acquaintances as I have not leaned on them in tough times, or they with me much. I put distance between these people and myself. All of my close friends are quite closed off socially. They don't associate with each other. I talk very openly with these friends and they with me. I wonder whether part of my denial having PTSD and seeking further treatment has been because of my choice of friends to a certain degree? They think my behaviours are quite normal or 'to be expected' etc. I'm not blaming them at all. I love them dearly. I'm not sure what to think about it all... Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thankyou EM

I'm so disillusioned by life

replies: 1

Everything that I held dear to me, everything that I believed in is wrong, is gone or nearly gone. My life has been effected traumatically by other peoples decisions and I'm no longer in control. Should I really care? I don't know anymore. Nobody car... View more

Everything that I held dear to me, everything that I believed in is wrong, is gone or nearly gone. My life has been effected traumatically by other peoples decisions and I'm no longer in control. Should I really care? I don't know anymore. Nobody cared about me when they made their decisions, withholding the truth about things, even lied to stop me from finding out or being found out themselves. The ripple effect of some thoughtless, selfish person, only out for themselves makes a decision to destroy someone else's life. How this poor sole reacts, which in some instances, not all, is only human nature, may, in turn devastate and cripple someone else, and so forth. No-one would actually believe that my life has happened if I sat down and told you everything. Days of our lives would be a dull substitute. Half of me feels like crumbling in defeat, the other stands tall, you cannot destroy me I have not done anything wrong. I'm teetering. If I heard the latest events about somebody else, I would really have trouble with what sort of person they really was! For that to happen. But really, it's just something dreamed up by somebody else who doesn't want to be found out about their own lies they've told in the past. Now I'm homeless, jobless, children less, husband less. What the first husband didn't take, the 2nd one did. What the 2nd one did to my children they have not said, I know is bad, i cannot take responsibility for his actions, only after being fooled, introducing him, but if you don't tell me I can't protect you. Now my beautiful babies that I have tried protecting all their lives, now young adults , hold secrets of their own, and have taken what was left, leaving me homeless, jobless, carless, and all alone. What sort of mother is she, I would say if I didn't know better. They have evicted me from their lives. What is the point?

new to this

replies: 2

hi everyone i just signed up today so that i could ask for some advice and also read about other people in similar situations to my own. i am 19 years old and still live with my parents and siblings, i'm studying at uni and struggling, and i have a j... View more

hi everyone i just signed up today so that i could ask for some advice and also read about other people in similar situations to my own. i am 19 years old and still live with my parents and siblings, i'm studying at uni and struggling, and i have a job which i'm grateful for but i'm earning only around $150 a week. my relationship with my father is a negative one, we don't get along and he is very critical of me no matter what i do. i try and try and try to make him happy and do chores around the house, do my uni work and maintain a healthy lifestyle but nothing ever seems to be enough. he is very obsessed with being productive all the time, rarely am i allowed downtime or time to relax, he also believes that my mental health is because i'm unhealthy and addicted to my phone. this of course being untrue as i am healthy and relatively fit and don't spend much time on my phone at all, i have been struggling with severe depression and anxiety for 6 years now and recently have been struggling with ptsd issues associated with an incident that occurred late last year. from when i wake up, when he gets home from work and then till i go to bed it is constant criticism, yelling and threatening with physical violence. sometimes i wish he would hurt me so i could have a reason to leave. as you can see my living situation is not ideal, i know that a lot of people have it worse than me and my father constantly reminds me how lucky i am that he is able to provide a comfortable living situation for us, i am grateful for the physical and material things my parents have provided to me but i am tired and can't handle living here for much longer. so after all of that i am asking how i can move out. i do not want to be financially reliant on my parents for anything and for quite a long time now they have stopped providing me with anything but a roof above my head. i have little money in savings and my with my job it is difficult to imagine being able to provide myself with much considering the smaller amount i earn per week. but i definitely know that i need to, its difficult to live like this and with not much in terms of a support system or lack of i am struggling quite a lot. i just need some advice please and thank you. ps. sorry this is all over the place and there's not much of a coherent structure, i hope that its still able to be understood.

Sex abuse, HIV and stigma

replies: 6

I was diagnosed with HIV after reporting sexual abuse to my gp. He tested me and it came back positive. At that point in time I didnt process any of it not the rexual abuse not my own diagnosis becuase I had three cbildren to look after one of which ... View more

I was diagnosed with HIV after reporting sexual abuse to my gp. He tested me and it came back positive. At that point in time I didnt process any of it not the rexual abuse not my own diagnosis becuase I had three cbildren to look after one of which I had been breastfeeding. When my baby came back positive as well the focus was on getting my baby treatment and I didnt have time to process how I felt about giving my child HIV. It has been four years now my child is well and healthy we have been through alot with liquid medication treatment and he is now on tablets and doing well. We have both been undetectable from medication since starting which means the virus is doormat and we cant transmit it but I have had alot of symptoms from my own meds. I have nausea fatigue and weight gain and for the longest time I have been pushing past it and been busy raising my kids and studying. In the last six months my symptoms have peristed and with other health issues I have gotten to the point where doing anything takes the biggest toll on me. When the kids fight and yell I have panic attacks. I find that no matter what I do and say they wont stop. I get it they are kids and it is normal but I feel the way it affects me isnt. I started to see the links of PTSD and trauma but I have not gotten help. I am to embaressed to tell anyone. I feel now I have deep depression from living unwell for so long and now with the kids home all the time due to the pandemic I am not coping. I am not getting enough sleep and I am woken up every morning early from the kids. I have tried to explain what I am going through to my mum and she does not get it she just blames me. This morning she told me I am not that sick that I cant be doing more than I am now and expects me to just stop being depressed she said its a choice. I dont have any other support I dont want a partner after the sexual abuse I experienced so I have been on my own all this time. I dont know what to do to change this I am normally a positive person who pushes past whatever I am going through but I cant anymore. I dont like going out with the kids they always touch surfaces and cant abide by social distancing rules. I am scared someone will yell at us or worse we will get in trouble. My mum is my only support and it really sucks that she does not get it and blames me all the time. I just need help and I am way past helping myself.

Pinned discussions

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

All discussions

Emotional Abuse at home

replies: 6

I just want to sleep

replies: 3

Undiagnosed PTSD ...

replies: 4

Seeking a diagnosis for CPTSD (or complex trauma)

replies: 4

*Trigger Warning" Being sexually harassed

replies: 4

Bushfire trauma being bought up again

replies: 1

Have I created my own 'echo chamber'?

replies: 6

I'm so disillusioned by life

replies: 1

new to this

replies: 2

Sex abuse, HIV and stigma

replies: 6

PTSD and trauma

PTSD for Medical and First Responders replies: 276

Emotional Abuse at home replies: 6

I just want to sleep replies: 3

Undiagnosed PTSD ... replies: 4

Seeking a diagnosis for CPTSD (or complex trauma) replies: 4

*Trigger Warning" Being sexually harassed replies: 4

Bushfire trauma being bought up again replies: 1

Have I created my own 'echo chamber'? replies: 6

I'm so disillusioned by life replies: 1

new to this replies: 2

Sex abuse, HIV and stigma replies: 6

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

Emotional Abuse at home

replies: 6

I just want to sleep

replies: 3

Undiagnosed PTSD ...

replies: 4

Seeking a diagnosis for CPTSD (or complex trauma)

replies: 4

*Trigger Warning" Being sexually harassed

replies: 4

Bushfire trauma being bought up again

replies: 1

Have I created my own 'echo chamber'?

replies: 6

I'm so disillusioned by life

replies: 1

new to this

replies: 2

Sex abuse, HIV and stigma

replies: 6