PTSD and Trauma

Bushfire trauma being bought up again

replies: 1

So I know this may be hard for people as well, but I just need to talk. So christmas/new year, I was with my parents and brother at the holiday home in the Snowy Mountains. My dad said to leave my car at home in Sydney and we will all travel in one c... View more

So I know this may be hard for people as well, but I just need to talk. So christmas/new year, I was with my parents and brother at the holiday home in the Snowy Mountains. My dad said to leave my car at home in Sydney and we will all travel in one car. So we did, then the bushfires started, New Years Eve and New Years Day we were on emergency ember attack alert. Jan 2, after hearing that the fires were coming and knowing that my parents had to drive me over to canberra to pick up the CountryLink back to Sydney in a couple of days time, I made the decision to leave on. The last bus out. My parents and brother stayed behind. At the time, my parents were saying that it was like I was running scared, but I just had this feeling that they might not get back after taking me the 200kms one way to meet the train. So staying at a friends house for 2 days until my train back to Sydney, I was there while the firestorm hit the town, reports were coming in that places were lost, the town was surrounded by fire and everyone had been evaluated to the safest spot. I have never been so scared in my life. My parents were obviously traumatised by the incident, but I felt that they didn’t understand that I was deeply traumatised too. I felt so guilty for leaving. I should have stayed. all was fine until today when they said about regional travel again and my parents said that if safe we will go down for the longweekend next month. I haven’t been back since fleeing from the fires and now all that trauma of feeling guilty about leaving and being selfish that I left have just come back up and I just feel so down and can’t stop crying. I can see that I am still traumatised and still wish that I had stayed. Will the guilt of leaving my parents behind while I selfishly left cause I knew I had to go back to work ever go away?

Have I created my own 'echo chamber'?

replies: 6

Hi everyone I hope you're doing well today. I have talked with only 2 of my friends since deciding to get more tailored psychological help from a Specialist Trauma Psychologist. That's a lot more than I usually speak to friends in a week. Anyway they... View more

Hi everyone I hope you're doing well today. I have talked with only 2 of my friends since deciding to get more tailored psychological help from a Specialist Trauma Psychologist. That's a lot more than I usually speak to friends in a week. Anyway they are a little bewildered, confused and are questioning whether the feedback from probably 6 psychologists and counsellors is a definite on a PSTD / C-PTSD diagnosis. In fact one psych said "it's a no brainer really, it's more like how could you NOT have PTSD after such events"... My friends are more or less saying that they think I'm okay. One session will probably be all I need etc.. Regardless of what any friends think, I am still resolved to follow this path of psych support. I know it will be a long time getting such support and more probably. After reflecting on my friend's lives, and they have not been easy by any stretch... they have suffered their own quite severe traumas, I am wondering if I had just created my own 'echo chamber'? Meaning that now I only have friends who have experienced severe trauma themselves. ATM none of my friends are in counselling and most have never had any. I 'know' other people who may call me a 'friend' but I'll call them acquaintances as I have not leaned on them in tough times, or they with me much. I put distance between these people and myself. All of my close friends are quite closed off socially. They don't associate with each other. I talk very openly with these friends and they with me. I wonder whether part of my denial having PTSD and seeking further treatment has been because of my choice of friends to a certain degree? They think my behaviours are quite normal or 'to be expected' etc. I'm not blaming them at all. I love them dearly. I'm not sure what to think about it all... Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thankyou EM

I'm so disillusioned by life

replies: 1

Everything that I held dear to me, everything that I believed in is wrong, is gone or nearly gone. My life has been effected traumatically by other peoples decisions and I'm no longer in control. Should I really care? I don't know anymore. Nobody car... View more

Everything that I held dear to me, everything that I believed in is wrong, is gone or nearly gone. My life has been effected traumatically by other peoples decisions and I'm no longer in control. Should I really care? I don't know anymore. Nobody cared about me when they made their decisions, withholding the truth about things, even lied to stop me from finding out or being found out themselves. The ripple effect of some thoughtless, selfish person, only out for themselves makes a decision to destroy someone else's life. How this poor sole reacts, which in some instances, not all, is only human nature, may, in turn devastate and cripple someone else, and so forth. No-one would actually believe that my life has happened if I sat down and told you everything. Days of our lives would be a dull substitute. Half of me feels like crumbling in defeat, the other stands tall, you cannot destroy me I have not done anything wrong. I'm teetering. If I heard the latest events about somebody else, I would really have trouble with what sort of person they really was! For that to happen. But really, it's just something dreamed up by somebody else who doesn't want to be found out about their own lies they've told in the past. Now I'm homeless, jobless, children less, husband less. What the first husband didn't take, the 2nd one did. What the 2nd one did to my children they have not said, I know is bad, i cannot take responsibility for his actions, only after being fooled, introducing him, but if you don't tell me I can't protect you. Now my beautiful babies that I have tried protecting all their lives, now young adults , hold secrets of their own, and have taken what was left, leaving me homeless, jobless, carless, and all alone. What sort of mother is she, I would say if I didn't know better. They have evicted me from their lives. What is the point?

new to this

replies: 2

hi everyone i just signed up today so that i could ask for some advice and also read about other people in similar situations to my own. i am 19 years old and still live with my parents and siblings, i'm studying at uni and struggling, and i have a j... View more

hi everyone i just signed up today so that i could ask for some advice and also read about other people in similar situations to my own. i am 19 years old and still live with my parents and siblings, i'm studying at uni and struggling, and i have a job which i'm grateful for but i'm earning only around $150 a week. my relationship with my father is a negative one, we don't get along and he is very critical of me no matter what i do. i try and try and try to make him happy and do chores around the house, do my uni work and maintain a healthy lifestyle but nothing ever seems to be enough. he is very obsessed with being productive all the time, rarely am i allowed downtime or time to relax, he also believes that my mental health is because i'm unhealthy and addicted to my phone. this of course being untrue as i am healthy and relatively fit and don't spend much time on my phone at all, i have been struggling with severe depression and anxiety for 6 years now and recently have been struggling with ptsd issues associated with an incident that occurred late last year. from when i wake up, when he gets home from work and then till i go to bed it is constant criticism, yelling and threatening with physical violence. sometimes i wish he would hurt me so i could have a reason to leave. as you can see my living situation is not ideal, i know that a lot of people have it worse than me and my father constantly reminds me how lucky i am that he is able to provide a comfortable living situation for us, i am grateful for the physical and material things my parents have provided to me but i am tired and can't handle living here for much longer. so after all of that i am asking how i can move out. i do not want to be financially reliant on my parents for anything and for quite a long time now they have stopped providing me with anything but a roof above my head. i have little money in savings and my with my job it is difficult to imagine being able to provide myself with much considering the smaller amount i earn per week. but i definitely know that i need to, its difficult to live like this and with not much in terms of a support system or lack of i am struggling quite a lot. i just need some advice please and thank you. ps. sorry this is all over the place and there's not much of a coherent structure, i hope that its still able to be understood.

Sex abuse, HIV and stigma

replies: 6

I was diagnosed with HIV after reporting sexual abuse to my gp. He tested me and it came back positive. At that point in time I didnt process any of it not the rexual abuse not my own diagnosis becuase I had three cbildren to look after one of which ... View more

I was diagnosed with HIV after reporting sexual abuse to my gp. He tested me and it came back positive. At that point in time I didnt process any of it not the rexual abuse not my own diagnosis becuase I had three cbildren to look after one of which I had been breastfeeding. When my baby came back positive as well the focus was on getting my baby treatment and I didnt have time to process how I felt about giving my child HIV. It has been four years now my child is well and healthy we have been through alot with liquid medication treatment and he is now on tablets and doing well. We have both been undetectable from medication since starting which means the virus is doormat and we cant transmit it but I have had alot of symptoms from my own meds. I have nausea fatigue and weight gain and for the longest time I have been pushing past it and been busy raising my kids and studying. In the last six months my symptoms have peristed and with other health issues I have gotten to the point where doing anything takes the biggest toll on me. When the kids fight and yell I have panic attacks. I find that no matter what I do and say they wont stop. I get it they are kids and it is normal but I feel the way it affects me isnt. I started to see the links of PTSD and trauma but I have not gotten help. I am to embaressed to tell anyone. I feel now I have deep depression from living unwell for so long and now with the kids home all the time due to the pandemic I am not coping. I am not getting enough sleep and I am woken up every morning early from the kids. I have tried to explain what I am going through to my mum and she does not get it she just blames me. This morning she told me I am not that sick that I cant be doing more than I am now and expects me to just stop being depressed she said its a choice. I dont have any other support I dont want a partner after the sexual abuse I experienced so I have been on my own all this time. I dont know what to do to change this I am normally a positive person who pushes past whatever I am going through but I cant anymore. I dont like going out with the kids they always touch surfaces and cant abide by social distancing rules. I am scared someone will yell at us or worse we will get in trouble. My mum is my only support and it really sucks that she does not get it and blames me all the time. I just need help and I am way past helping myself.

PTSD diagnosis - what next?

replies: 2

Had a zoom call with my psychiatrist today. I mentioned that my psychologist thought I had symptoms of PTSD & he said he thinks the same thing & that is affecting my emotions & behaviours. He did tell me he thinks I am improving, he told me today whe... View more

Had a zoom call with my psychiatrist today. I mentioned that my psychologist thought I had symptoms of PTSD & he said he thinks the same thing & that is affecting my emotions & behaviours. He did tell me he thinks I am improving, he told me today when he first met me he was really worried & thought I needed to go to hospital. So I guess if he notices a change there must be one. So why do I feel so down & depressed all the time? Like every day. He wants to speak with me again in a months time. So now I’m lost & confused. What do I do about the PTSD? Do I just work on this with the psychologist or should the psychiatrist be helping me with this? I speak with my psychologist once a week so my appointments with her are much more regular. I don’t know anything about PTSD or how to deal with it. i am on 2 types of medication for my mental health issues but is there more I should be doing or trying or talking about with him? Any advice?

Feeling totally lost

replies: 2

All my life I have struggled with my parents being emotionally abusive and on a few occasions physically abusive. I also feel like I have been sexually abused in my childhood but have trouble remembering. This has caused me a lot of pain and sufferin... View more

All my life I have struggled with my parents being emotionally abusive and on a few occasions physically abusive. I also feel like I have been sexually abused in my childhood but have trouble remembering. This has caused me a lot of pain and suffering in my own head. As I grow older I fear more and more that I won't be able to shake these blues (joke). I avoid female friendships and struggle when I am in them. I feel like I attract a lot of negativity and it's all my fault, everything bad in my life is on me. I deserve it because I'm a bad person. I'm always on the look out for the next worst thing. I'm trying to keep reminding myself that I shouldn't beat myself up to much. I haven't really known a world any different. Things are hard right now and I can't shake jealous feelings I have and social anxiety. I guess I just wanted to vent because I'm feeling that burn out feeling. I'm trying so hard to be healthy and sometimes it just seems impossible. I feel guilty if I start to feel a little bit better. Ugh haha I hope everyone is feeling a little bit better than I am lol and is doin well

Not alone podcast

replies: 3

Hi, I just listened to the BB podcasts - not alone and I just thought they were brilliant. I don't work in any of the emergency services but really related to a lot of what was said in the overcoming trauma one. (I suffer with PTSD) I can't count the... View more

Hi, I just listened to the BB podcasts - not alone and I just thought they were brilliant. I don't work in any of the emergency services but really related to a lot of what was said in the overcoming trauma one. (I suffer with PTSD) I can't count the times I have turned up to work and just sat and looked at my computer, knowing I had to do something with it but just not being able to join the dots to turn it on. Also, turning up to therapy and just ticking the box, yep I've done therapy but not really properly "attending" therapy and participating fully. In 'supporting a loved one', I really related to when they talked about listening to music and knowing how someone was doing depending on the music they were playing. When i get low I can easily lock myself away and play the same song on repeat for a good week if the words are speaking to me. I found it really helpful to hear story's from other people, it helps to know that others can feel what your feeling too and that we arnt in this alone. If you haven't checked them out yet, I would defiantly recommend them. Looking forward to the next episode. Great work BB! Catie08

Trapped

replies: 7

I’ve been in an abusive relationship for 15 years. Have stuck it out while he goes through various counsellors. We have periods of good times but it always ends up the same- alcohol followed by verbal & physical abuse. I finally called the police las... View more

I’ve been in an abusive relationship for 15 years. Have stuck it out while he goes through various counsellors. We have periods of good times but it always ends up the same- alcohol followed by verbal & physical abuse. I finally called the police last week but they were hopeless. I’ll never ring them again. I found the guts to tell him I want out of the marriage & this toxic, endless cycle but he’s still claiming he can “fix” this. He won’t leave or accept my decision. He says I can leave but not the kids. I am scared, depressed & feeling low & helpless. I just want some advice...someone who doesn’t know me

Lost after trauma

replies: 2

I am 55 years old all my adult life I was over weight due to lack of self love , respect, discipline. Finally in the best place emotionally in my life I decided to have weight loss surgery. I was doing well. I was eating healthy and the first time in... View more

I am 55 years old all my adult life I was over weight due to lack of self love , respect, discipline. Finally in the best place emotionally in my life I decided to have weight loss surgery. I was doing well. I was eating healthy and the first time in my life was loving exercise. In 18 months I had dropped 30kg and was full of vitality and life. 5 days a week I rode to my 7am Pilates class, and yoga twice a week. I had NEVER felt so strong, content. Finally I was free from emotional physical and weight pain. Hubby of 30 years was loving this happy full of energy wife. I even did HBF run for a reason 2019. OMG I was so proud of me. Never had I felt like that. November 2019 Life was beautiful. I felt beautiful content. Then 30/11/19 7:15 pm riding my bike with hubby I fell off. I suffered major facial injuries. I was rushed by ambulance to RPH trauma unit spent 8 days there. I also suffered major injuries to my arm. I was operated on my arm was plated and I have a new elbow joint. Good news was I had no head or neck injury. My poor face was unrecognisable. The doctor told me I was lucky I had been wearing my helmet or I would have been dead. But what he didn’t know is some thing did die the night of 30/11/19 ME. Fast forward to 15/05/2020. It’s two years today since I had my weight loss surgery and I can not straighten or bend my arm I can not touch my face do hair pull up knickers do up bra drive a car. I can’t sleep I hurt 24/7 I dread going to bed. I sleep sitting coz my eye rolls back and I have trouble opening It mornings. I wear a huge splint on my arm to bed. I have no strength in my arm. I am so frighten to fall. I am so angry frustrated I hate my life. I do not feel any joy I am filled with an overwhelming sense of loss. Every day open my eyes in the morning and feel pain, back hurts from my sleeping position my arm and face hurts I get out of bed like a old lady. I shuffle to the loo. Eventually my eye opens, slowly my body give its very best shot at trying to remember its only 55. I have learnt the art of the silent cry I cry most days all day for what I have lost. I cry because I wished I never knew how good life could be how strong and desirable I could feel. how much I loved my Pilates yoga and how much I would love to ride my bike.It’s all gone now I feel so hopeless, alone no one understands. I am slipping through the cracks. On my bad days I wish I had died on that path. Today is a bad day.

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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Bushfire trauma being bought up again

replies: 1