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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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AdriftAnnie Can’t feel anything 2 years after trauma
  • replies: 14

Hi, I’ve posted on these forums a few times about being violently assaulted by my husband, one afternoon 2 years ago. Since then I’ve tried medication and therapy. They were somewhat helpful, until they weren’t anymore. Mostly I just cope by not thin... View more

Hi, I’ve posted on these forums a few times about being violently assaulted by my husband, one afternoon 2 years ago. Since then I’ve tried medication and therapy. They were somewhat helpful, until they weren’t anymore. Mostly I just cope by not thinking about it. I have no feelings about it really, but the trouble is I have no feelings about anything else either. I have young children so this is problematic. If my children cry I will comfort them because I know that is what they want, but I don’t feel anything when they cry anymore. I feel defective and broken. I feel like I’m not a real mother. I take care of their needs, but the connection isn’t there. I’m not really interested in life or the future. I don’t care about anything. I used to be so close to my family, but I just feel disconnected from everyone now ... and not because of the social distancing rules. I have felt this way for at least a year. Is this normal after a traumatic experience? Should emotional numbing really last this long? Does anyone have any idea what I can do? I feel lost.

Richie01 Am i the only one rejection consume
  • replies: 19

This is my first time here and its come at the stage in my life where i have lost everything i love because i have pushed and pushed until they couldn't take it anymore. Im try to get help but opening up is terrifying and only possible in small windo... View more

This is my first time here and its come at the stage in my life where i have lost everything i love because i have pushed and pushed until they couldn't take it anymore. Im try to get help but opening up is terrifying and only possible in small windows which never seem to be open at the right time. Its great for everyone to say get help, like its that easy!!! Truth is, ive been carrying my pain since i was six years old when my sexual abuse started. I have been almost re living the worst days of my life in my mind over and over in my head for the last five years, only having a chance to breathe in that small space between starting to drink and being too drunk to see reason. My partner who i love with all of my heart, bore the brunt of my fears and to be honest, i couldn't even see the effect i was having on her when i was in that state. I hate me for that. When we met, for the first few years, things were great, she knew i had been abused but not in any detail. She was proud of me for being so strong and i guess at the time i was. Over time, after we had our three beautiful children, the intimacy between us died and the past just kept coming back. It was as tho every advance i made was rejected, i couldn't work it out. I put it down to me, not being good enough and all of the related feelings that go with it. Eventually, i feel i let all of my good intentions become a quest for a sexual connection again because for me, feeling rejected sexually had become a trigger. To me, my abuser never rejected me, he is the only one who wants me. I dont know how this thought process manifested itself because there were reasons that explained the lack of intimacy but none seemed to take away the rejection i felt. So i would internalises it and push it away. We would make up for the outbursts i had in a quick fix till next time cycle. The thoughts never went away, the past grew more and more into my present. I feel like im going crazy, im panicking as i write this. I really dont know what to do. I just want to treat the ones i love like i want to, why do i let being raped as a child be the defining part of my life. It changes and rules everything. I want to tell her everything. But the reason i couldn't for all of those years was that it would hurt her less to feel i felt rejected by her, to fight and make up for that than to let her see and feel the pain i do. Has anyone else out there had those feelings? I feel like no one can understand and im alone in this.

Boobella Going to court to give evidence
  • replies: 6

I'm not sure if this is the right section, but I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to ease the emotional (I guess anxiety mostly), about having to face a perpetrator in court? I'm still months away and it'll probably be delayed... View more

I'm not sure if this is the right section, but I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to ease the emotional (I guess anxiety mostly), about having to face a perpetrator in court? I'm still months away and it'll probably be delayed because of corona virus, and I need to try and live my life right now and all the way up to and beyond then. I'm struggling to function. I'm either stuck in bed staring at the ceiling, sitting at my computer staring at my work (which unfortunately doesn't get done by desire alone), standing somewhere staring at nothing, you get the point. The amount of times in the last few months since I reported and it got to the court stage I've found myself in a zombie state is increasing as October draws nearer. I'm desperate to feel like I'm around about at my normal. I'm scared I'm going to give myself an ulcer or something, let alone give up because the whole justice system feels just as much like an abuser... My PTSD is worse too. I'm jumping at the sight of people who look a certain way, or sounds from anything I can't see or identify immediately. And to 'help' myself, I thought I'd get a new shepherd pup, after grieving the loss of her predecessors. Wellity well well... I damn forgot how exhausting puppies were, didn't I? Now I'm struggling to keep the house clean too. And really young people (dogs in this case) are primarily interested in what they're getting (food, a warm bed and a pat), so there's not a whole lot of support coming my way. Although she does love a cuddle, and when I had a cold a few weeks back, she was soooooo good. So I think if I can keep myself going, I will have a very good friend for at least another decade. And right at the end, the real reason for my stress - how do you deal with it if the court finds your abuser a better witness than you? I mean it's easy for them, they only have to deny it. They haven't had 30-odd years of punishing themselves for what a piece of shit did to them when they were a child.

blondguy Victoria Police Tragedy April 22 2020
  • replies: 11

As a volunteer on the Beyond Blue forums I am very upset to hear about the loss of Four Police officers that died on the Eastern Freeway in Victoria late this afternoon...A few words will provide support to all Police Officers and their families Plea... View more

As a volunteer on the Beyond Blue forums I am very upset to hear about the loss of Four Police officers that died on the Eastern Freeway in Victoria late this afternoon...A few words will provide support to all Police Officers and their families Please post your support and respect Paul

Kylz87 *Trigger warning - childhood sexual abuse* Why I joined beyond blue. I hoping that the hard times I went through will help anyone else struggling and feeling alone.
  • replies: 2

In our house growing up -if dad said something- you did it. The sexual abuse continued for 9 months.. once I finally told my mother, she made it all about her. She was the victim and I just let her be! Maybe it was easier at the time, I was young and... View more

In our house growing up -if dad said something- you did it. The sexual abuse continued for 9 months.. once I finally told my mother, she made it all about her. She was the victim and I just let her be! Maybe it was easier at the time, I was young and I always seen mum was my best friend. Only in recent years I realised that my relationship with my mother wasn’t what I’d thought. I’d been manipulated and emotionally abused for years prior to my step dad and even though she wasn’t involved in the sexual abuse physically, she took no responsibility for the blind eye she turned. I got through it alone, I just hope that my sharing can help someone else suffering in silence. Your not alone.. TRUST ME!

Guest233 PTSD from shoulder fracture
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone Due to a trip and fall onto concrete, I sustained a brutal injury to my right shoulder and had to wait 3 weeks for surgery, needing to take opiates for the pain. Before then I was a fit and healthy person having recommenced University stu... View more

Hi everyone Due to a trip and fall onto concrete, I sustained a brutal injury to my right shoulder and had to wait 3 weeks for surgery, needing to take opiates for the pain. Before then I was a fit and healthy person having recommenced University studies this year. I also loved weight training. Since the reverse shoulder reconstruction surgery five weeks ago not only has my physical health declined but so has my mental health. I think this is partly due to the anaesthetics and opiates but also major grief. I had so many plans for 2020 and am mourning the loss of those plans. I am undergoing counselling at this point in time but still feel so lost. My counsellor has said I have PTSD. I think the reason that I'm reacting so strongly as well to my injury and operation is that my mum fell and broke her shoulder in the kitchen at her unit in 2018. Mum needed the same operation. My sister was her carer and was supposed to be looking after mum properly and this didn't happen. I still blame my sister for this. Mum ended up in hospital delirious with pain and having to be on heavy duty medication. Mum never was the same afterwards and she was hallucinating and ended up in rehab for 3 months and then was diagnosed with a delusional disorder. From the date of the injury to her passing, it was six months. It's only been a year since my mum’s passed so I think what she went through keeps coming up for me but having had the misfortune to have the same injury as her, makes my trauma worse. Thanks for the time you have taken to read this,

Flower Earth angel Sexual problems FEELING dirty.
  • replies: 8

Hi I have seen two male psychiatrists for ptsd from Narcissitc covert abuse im 37 and isn’t kids but I’m Want to be married first, I still love and grieve after years from the toxic relationship with intimacy I feel dirty so I have been abstaining fo... View more

Hi I have seen two male psychiatrists for ptsd from Narcissitc covert abuse im 37 and isn’t kids but I’m Want to be married first, I still love and grieve after years from the toxic relationship with intimacy I feel dirty so I have been abstaining for over a year which is good for me but I actually feel physically unwell and dirty dee anyone knwo di there are specific doctors for this, no talk therapy I have donT that. And no one seems to know, today I rang the hospital for a Sexual cousnellor though.

M2219 Boyfriend is alcoholic, won't get help
  • replies: 6

Hi All, I'm new here, this is my first post. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years..he was everything I wanted, and during the "good days", he still is. He had a very traumatic childhood; alcoholic father, sexually abused, friends' deaths by suic... View more

Hi All, I'm new here, this is my first post. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years..he was everything I wanted, and during the "good days", he still is. He had a very traumatic childhood; alcoholic father, sexually abused, friends' deaths by suicide, etc.. He drinks. Alot. And when he does he gets abusive, emotionally, verbally and physically. He does not hit me, but he'll throw something in my direction, or lean right into my face and shout. He says he doesn't care about anyone else. He used to say that his mother was the only person he cared about then she passed away 4 months ago. On three occasions, i am embarrassed to say, I have got physical with him. In my mind, it is to make him stop what he's doing. To try to make him see what he's doing, to try to make him snap out of it. Obviously it never works, it makes everything worse. On Saturday, he was going crazy.. he was blasting music at 3am trying to wake our neighbors, he was shouting.. it all came out of nowhere. Things got physical and then he told me to leave. He got an AVO against me last year after another similar incident, so he holds that over me. If I leave him he will call the police. I have pleaded with him to get help. He tried going to AA, and after 1 or 2 meetings he decides there's no point and continues drinking. He went to see a psychologist, but kept missing appointments because he was drunk. I know that he's a good man. I know that he loves me, and that he doesn't want to be like this. I know that when this episode is over, he will be remorseful and will cry and say he's going to get help. I also know he will take no responsibility for his part in any of it. It will still be my fault.. I suppose what I'm hoping is that someone may have been in a similar situation and can suggest a way of getting him help. Thanks for reading and providing this outlet.

MysteryPerson I'm not sure how to go about this
  • replies: 4

Hello, I don't know what to do with these thoughts that are scarred into my memory. I have the feeling of hating humans in general, a sense of anger and resentment, highly sceptical and distrustful of others. I am struggling to build new friendships ... View more

Hello, I don't know what to do with these thoughts that are scarred into my memory. I have the feeling of hating humans in general, a sense of anger and resentment, highly sceptical and distrustful of others. I am struggling to build new friendships and interacting with people in my daily life because of negative thoughts and emotions attached to building a relationship with people following some life events. I will try my best to keep it concise. I left home and my parents in 2014 because of the toxic environment that I grew up in and how sheltered I was from gaining life experiences and make any progress towards creating my own future. To elaborate on the toxic environment, I was groomed to be a trophy child and a retirement plan for my parents (first-generation immigrants) so expectations were high with very little emotional support. Anyways, I graduated in 2017 from the degree I wanted following my detachment from my parents, I built up some network and set myself up for a new graduate job that started in 2018. All of this was very challenging for me with the amount of anxiety and the lack of self-esteem that developed from being so suppressed throughout my development until I was 20. In 2018, I landed my dream job but 6 months later my boss started to psychologically abuse me due to a conflict in our opinions and this triggered something very deep and dark from my past and eventually, so I quit and moved back with my parents to restart from the ground up and sought assistance from a General Practitioner and a Psychologist. With my psychologist, I discovered that many of my emotional and traumatic triggers were stemming from my relationship with my parents so I worked to rebuild my relationship with my parents. One day I was talking about suicide and self-harm, which I intended to do before I left home in 2014, and I received a response from each of my parents; my dad told me that I'm an ungrateful child and my mum told me that bearing me inside of her womb was an accident and a mistake and I ruined both of their life goals and aspirations. I left home again shortly after, found a new job (which I'm very stable with) and my relationship with my parents have grown further apart. Around the same time that I had this chat with my parents, my best friend who was my safe haven and a place of comfort through my hardship started to hurt me emotionally and psychologically. I communicated these problems but they refused to apologise and hurt me further.

tikamasala Coping with a Family member going through chemo and suicidal thoughts
  • replies: 4

Today I found out my mums cancer couldn’t be removed from surgery.. which mean my mum has to go through chemotherapy When I FOUND OUT MUM HAD BREAST CANCER MY EMOTIONS WERE NOT STRONG. BECAUSE MOST WOMEN SURIVE AFTER BREAST CANCER AND CONTINUE TO LIV... View more

Today I found out my mums cancer couldn’t be removed from surgery.. which mean my mum has to go through chemotherapy When I FOUND OUT MUM HAD BREAST CANCER MY EMOTIONS WERE NOT STRONG. BECAUSE MOST WOMEN SURIVE AFTER BREAST CANCER AND CONTINUE TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE SO I …. HAD NO SUPER STRONG EMOTIONS FROM HEARING THIS DIAGNOSIS. NOW… MUM HAS HAD 2 OPERATION TO REMOVE THE CANCER, AND NOW THEY OULDNT REMOVE THE CANCER FROM HER MUSCLE THAT IS AGGRESSIVE AND SHE NOW NEEDS TO DO CHEMO I AM SO SCARED . I AM SO UPSET AND DISTRAUGHT AND DEPRESSED. I FEAR OUR FAMILY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WILL MUM MAKE IT THROUGH CHEMO??? I AM SCARED SHE MAY NOT. AND IF SHE DOES… I AM SCARED TO SEE THE CHEMO EFFECT HER PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. I AM SO HEARTBROKEN THAT THIS IS HAPPENING TO MY FAMILY AND TO MY MUM WHO HAS NEVER DRANK,SMOKE,TAKEN DRUGS.. SHE IS A GENUINE GOOD PERSON. NOT FAKE BUT UTTERLY LOVE IN HER HEART FOR ALL AROUND HER… SO WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO A GOOD PERSON???? SHE HELPS OTHERS…. SHE IS A GIVER.. WHY HER????? THERE ARE SHIT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD THAT SHOULD BE GOING THROUGH THIS. NOT MY MUM WHO HAS NOTING BUT GOOD INTENTIONS IN HER HEART FOR ALL WHY HER? PLEASE UNIVERSE. HELP MY MUM RECOVER.. THE WORLD WILL LOSE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON IF IT TAKES HER, THERE ARE SO MANY SHIT PPL WHO SHOULD BE TAKEN INSTEAD. SO WHY MY MUM. SHE IS GENTLE AND FULL OF LOVE AND CARE AND EMPATHY PLEASE UNIVERSE. GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO BE STRONG AND BE THERE FOR MY MUM. PLEASE HELP ME. I NEED TO BE STRONG FOR MY MUM. I STRUGGLE TO BE STONG FOR MYSELF AND RNW I HAVE TOO STRONG SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. I CANNOT COPE WITH MY OWN SELF, YET MY SHIT IS NOTHING IN COMPARISON TO MY MUMMIES. HELP HELP HELP HELP US ALL PLEASE