PTSD and Trauma

Recent break up and partner's trauma

replies: 7

Hi all. First time here. Everyone seems lovely. I recently experienced my first break up. My ex also disclosed his childhood trauma I never knew about. I'm devastated for him. We were best friends for years and became a couple 7 months ago. Everythin... View more

Hi all. First time here. Everyone seems lovely. I recently experienced my first break up. My ex also disclosed his childhood trauma I never knew about. I'm devastated for him. We were best friends for years and became a couple 7 months ago. Everything was wonderful until COVID hit. We limited physical interaction since we don't live together, but spoke on the phone. One day he seemed distant. He told me that he was using isolation to go inward. He was stressed that he lost work (he's on Jopkeeper) and his share house fell apart. He assured me he loved me when asked if he was ok. He became physically affectionate again, though said it was tough time mentally. He then started avoiding intimacy. I put it down to stress, but I started taking it personally. He was negative, hinting the future was bleak. I told him that I was worried that I was making him uncomfortable when I hugged him. He said he didn't know "how to tell me". He enjoyed isolation, finally taking steps to heal his trauma. He told me he was sexually abused as a child. Facing his trauma, he has gone to a dark place. He told me he hates himself, breaking up with me, saying I need to expect better. He felt worried that he was going to become mean. I was shocked, as that's not the person I've known. I'm scared he fell out of love with me. He said he can't be physical with anyone at the moment and he can't associate sex with love. He says I'm important to him and he still wants to be my friend. I'm devastated we're not together. I have to accept his decision. He says he can't be a good partner without loving himself. I suspect he has PTSD? Reading about symptoms, a lot adds up. I'm wondering if COVID and associated stresses triggered? Is it possible for present stressful events to add up and create triggers of past trauma unexpectedly? Also, my first sexual experiences were with him. My comfort was his highest priority and he was VERY scared about hurting me. I believe this also triggered him. He told me he loved me too much to hurt me. He said he wasn't as stressed with previous sexual partners (they were experienced). He didn't mean that in an awful way, I just think he associated my vulnerability with himself as a child. Anybody experienced anything similar? The sudden disruption of intimacy and change in personality? I'm struggling badly. Everything was going so well for us and I'm struggling to put the pieces together. I also worry about him SO much.

CPTSD & difficult situations

replies: 3

I have recently been diagnosed with CPTSD and am struggling with certain situations where I find myself having to restrain violent behavior. I was sexual assaulted by a gay man when I was 7 or 8 years old, later my mother came out as being lesbian, h... View more

I have recently been diagnosed with CPTSD and am struggling with certain situations where I find myself having to restrain violent behavior. I was sexual assaulted by a gay man when I was 7 or 8 years old, later my mother came out as being lesbian, her partner worked as a parole officer and treated me like one of her paroles. In later years I became a Bouncer and that lead into a darker form of work collecting money owed for drugs. 10 - 15years of this and I was out but there are some scars that remain and I need advice. I am in a wonderful relationship with a lady and she is my one and only, the problem is that a friend of hers husband is an alcoholic and becomes abusive and belittling when drunk, he recently called me a derogatory name for a homosexual male and I became so enraged that all I could do was get up and walk away while in my head I wanted to hurt him so badly that he would never utter another word again. I have said to her that I can't associate with him anymore as I have a rule that I live by, "you only get one chance with me, I don't give people another chance to insult me". Am I being unreasonable? Do I need to let go? Or am I just protecting my self?

Cant't Find A GF After Traumatic Experience at collage/school

replies: 6

i was abused by teachers at my college and it forced me to leave and i never wanted to and now I've been alone since before i left alot were in relationships, i never got it i feel like i wont ever get one i was even told by teachers that im dumb and... View more

i was abused by teachers at my college and it forced me to leave and i never wanted to and now I've been alone since before i left alot were in relationships, i never got it i feel like i wont ever get one i was even told by teachers that im dumb and that i wont have any friends.

Trauma from death

replies: 9

Monday night my dad died in my arms after a heart attack. It took so long for an ambulance to arrive, I tried getting him on the floor, he’s a big man and the bed was high and the space small but did it and tried compressions but no hope. Paramedics ... View more

Monday night my dad died in my arms after a heart attack. It took so long for an ambulance to arrive, I tried getting him on the floor, he’s a big man and the bed was high and the space small but did it and tried compressions but no hope. Paramedics worked on him for 30mins. I can’t stop seeing his face on arrest. I can’t stop hearing his panic before and our panic begging for the ambulance to come. I can’t forgive myself for not saving him. I can’t forgive the GP for not seeing him when I called at noon and explained he wasn’t well. I can’t forgive myself for not taking him to ED. I can’t stand hearing placations about him being in a better place. I can’t take the sorrow of others when my head is in agony for not being able to do anything but scream for help. Today I thought about ending my life for the first time. I can’t face my husband, my kids, the family. I can’t unsee what I saw and they don’t understand what’s in my head.

An ‘insignificant’ trauma is causing me great pain 12 years on

replies: 12

I am not even sure whether I should be posting this here as I am not sure it counts as ‘trauma - I feel my experience was so long ago and so ‘small’ that it does not belong. lately, I’ve been experiencing waves of sadness or panic as I think back to ... View more

I am not even sure whether I should be posting this here as I am not sure it counts as ‘trauma - I feel my experience was so long ago and so ‘small’ that it does not belong. lately, I’ve been experiencing waves of sadness or panic as I think back to an experience 12 years ago when I was 12 years old. I was watching the show ‘Sex Education’ this evening and the show deals with assault in a way I have not seen on screen. The character does not think her experience is ‘serious’ or really enough’ to be an issue. I’m now crying, and so overwhelmed thinking of an experience when I was 12 years old and along in the city before sunrise. I always assumed my experience did not matter as I was not physically assaulted, but I experienced such extreme fear after being crowded by a group of older men who threatened me in graphic ways. I’m not sure how reasonable and rational it is that I still cry about this now, but it really seems to have stunted my sexual development and trust of men. I need some help to understand and move past this. I am so sorry if this is triggering for anyone.

Ptsd/abused

replies: 2

To try and cut a long story short I was abused by my uncle when I was 9 until I was 13. It’s taken a toll on my life in ways I can’t even begin to explain. I tried taking him to court but he walked free he had to many people to cover his tracks. Afte... View more

To try and cut a long story short I was abused by my uncle when I was 9 until I was 13. It’s taken a toll on my life in ways I can’t even begin to explain. I tried taking him to court but he walked free he had to many people to cover his tracks. After this I stopped talking to my whole family a short time after I lost my nan the last time I seen her she was on her death bed where she met my first child. It broke my heart and my nans last words to me was he’s a bastard talking about her son for everything that he’d put me and the family through. I’ve tried to move on with my life but everything I do I can never fully get past this. I later got married and had another two children. My marriage ended he is now in jail and I’m trying to move forward with my life with a new Man. He doesn’t have kids so he doesn’t fully understand. He doesn’t no all of my past because I feel like I can’t be open and honest with him because he just doesn’t understand I feel like it’s something he won’t listen to either. We have been on and off for two years. The last time I took him back he begged and pleeded and done everything he could to win me back. I went back three months down the track we are back where we started same old man who I feel like has no time for us or my kids who can’t put our relationship first for abit to try and sort us out. Our sex life has now gone from amazing to nothing he’s working 12plus hour days making no time at all for us. I’m crumbling to pieces and I just wanna cry and run away but my kids need me and I wanna work my relationship out but everything I do seems to make it worse. I don’t no how to move forward and be my old happy self again. I’m so broken.

Mental Health friendship disconnection

replies: 1

Hi, I’m just wondering what coping strategies others have used to maintain friendships when struggling with complex mental health? Just like many others on this site, I’ve experienced & been diagnosed with complex grief, ptsd & sever depression. The ... View more

Hi, I’m just wondering what coping strategies others have used to maintain friendships when struggling with complex mental health? Just like many others on this site, I’ve experienced & been diagnosed with complex grief, ptsd & sever depression. The past decade has been a downhill run of unfortunate & traumatic events where I’ve only been able to function to a basic capacity. Last year this fell apart & I was seriously mentally unwell & admitted to hospital. I had some amazing friends around me, but the toll of my recovery & their struggles to understand the complexity around trauma has strained our friendships greatly. I feel that anxiety & depression are easier for others to understand & the path to recovery can be more obvious. Trauma is so complex. Some of the trauma I’m trying to work through is surrounding my fathers self inflicted death & abandonment due to a number of factors. The simplest of things trigger my ptsd & to others it would appear like overanalysing a situation, but its so real and raw to me. I have a wonderful GP, psychologist, psychiatrist; but the social disconnection is incredibly difficult. Trust is so difficult for me, the expectations from others for me to let my guard down feels rushed & intrusive. I can’t seem to manage letting others in, building trust & protecting myself in a healthy & balanced way. I either shut myself off, or open up to others & trigger feelings of fear, paranoia and panic. I’ve been working on “small disclosures” as a way to bridge this path, but that doesn’t seem to be enough for others. This year, the emotional overwhelm of the previous 12months, pressure from those around me to progress faster in my recovery and a trigger; sent me spiralling into psychosis. My medical team were fantastic, but I was extremely paranoid of my relationships & I quite irrationally disconnected myself; hurting & confusing those closest to me. None seems willing to discuss the matter or accept any sort of apology. We all seem exhausted & broken from the past year; this carries so much guilt on my behalf. I can’t help but feel worthless and incapable of maintaining relationships. The desire to forge new friendships is non-existent. I know my recovery is hard for others to understand, but it’s hard to be the person managing this & working so hard to make the progress I need. Relationships used to be so easy for me, but now I feel completely socially inept now. Does anyone else feel this way? Apologies for the long post 🤦‍

Back @ Work After COVID Iso + Intrusive thoughts

replies: 7

Hi everyone, Newbie here & I thought I'd test the waters by making a first post to get things off my chest before I dive into the BB cafe or something else social. I'm 30, single & live at home. I do have a supportive network around me & I do realise... View more

Hi everyone, Newbie here & I thought I'd test the waters by making a first post to get things off my chest before I dive into the BB cafe or something else social. I'm 30, single & live at home. I do have a supportive network around me & I do realise that I am extremely lucky to be where I am. I do however have undiagnosed PTSD & severe anxiety. I battled with mental health as a teen & have had many successes & fails so far. Though in 2016, I witnessed the physical aftermath of my father's death in a light plane crash. After that, I did see & speak to a few professionals but mainly got by with the wonderful support of my family & sheer willpower using meditation as my main means of getting by. It has plagued me ever since (flashbacks, intrusive thoughts etc). It has crept into almost every aspect of my life & at times, I find myself physically shut down to the world - I make all my life choices based on how bad or good my anxiety & PTSD is. The big factors in my life are: I have severe anxiety driving at high speeds, driving generally & driving with people in the car, driving at night, when I'm in unfamiliar environments, speaking to relatively small groups & in moderately stressful situations. Flash forward to now, COVID has made my life a rollercoaster. At first, I was anxious about it. I am asthmatic & catch the flu easily. Then, I was oddly calm. I'd prepared for the worst in my mind & I knew I'd be able to accept anything that came my way because I'd done the mental work. Death could come swiftly. THEN, I was laid off work for over a month. It would be temporary but when I was told there was no more work, I didn't know for how long. I made huge steps to be productive at home & with my mental & physical health. I felt amazing for that period. Now that I am back at work, I feel incredibly underprepared. I miss those good feelings I had when I was on top of both of my mental & physical health. Things I had planned to do now feel too difficult to do & feel bad for it. I feel underproductive even though I am working hard on all the aspects of my life admin. Currently, I am struggling with the return of a *lovely* symptom PSTD/anxiety... intrusive thoughts. Some of which disturb me so greatly, I cry for hours & feel physically ill. I feel like a sick, twisted person for thinking some of these things but I know that I would never, ever act on any of them. Does anyone have any tips for alleviating them? Distraction can only do so much. Thanks guys. - MH x

Mania

replies: 2

I am stuck in a dangerous loop.. I can see myself but can't stop , I get so angry and over react, I can't seem to stop reliving my trauma

My shrink says I dissociated and I think I might have PTSD.

replies: 8

I think my past is affecting my present and that I might have PTSD. In my late teen years I had a friend in school who was terribly unwell and suicidal. In her distress she did many violent things to herself including multiple suicide attempts; I oft... View more

I think my past is affecting my present and that I might have PTSD. In my late teen years I had a friend in school who was terribly unwell and suicidal. In her distress she did many violent things to herself including multiple suicide attempts; I often went to school not knowing if she would be alive and spent a lot of my time trying to keep her around. In 2018 she died of suicide while in a psychiatric hospital. She was then brain dead for three weeks; it was a very prolonged and painful event. I didn't really have a relationship to her as an adult, so that time was the strangest limbo-grieving the past in the present; of finally being 'allowed' to grieve, I guess. I saw a good shrink, I graduated from a degree, I spent 2019 collecting myself. Fast forward to now. I went back to study post grad journalism, but soon dropped out. I was already unemployed when the pandemic hit, and I struggled to cope with the anxiety of the 24 hour newsreel alone in my house. I was vomiting from anxiety. Couldn't concentrate. I got a job at a supermarket shortly after the first restrictions and layoffs were announced. I was grateful but still anxious, as one of my housemates has early onset Parkinsons' disease, and I couldn't live with myself if I gave her corona. One evening, without realising what I was doing, I cut big chunks out of my hair. I had to go to the barber to get it fixed with a number one shave, at a time when it felt irresponsible even to go outside. So I moved back to the folks and felt better. A month later, I told my therapist about the hair cutting incident and they were immediately concerned. I couldn't understand why they were worried for me, since I was feeling better. They told me they think I dissociated while cutting my hair; they know me to be quite a conscientious, measured person, and it was out of character for me. Since then I've spent excessive time questioning my sanity and trying to think of other times I might have dissociated, and does this mean that what I thought was garden variety anxiety might actually be something else. I'm okay. But I'm a 25 year old woman, washed up living at my parents, working minimum wage, and don't really know what else I want to be doing. My bachelor degree is in creative writing. I don't know how I feel about writing. It used to be my passion and now I find it very hard to put myself out into the world. I think I'm too sensitive for journalism. I'm okay but lost. At least the world is adrift with me.

Pinned discussions

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All discussions

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Cant't Find A GF After Traumatic Experience at collage/school

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Trauma from death

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An ‘insignificant’ trauma is causing me great pain 12 years on

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Mania

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Recent break up and partner's trauma replies: 7

CPTSD & difficult situations replies: 3

Cant't Find A GF After Traumatic Experience at collage/school replies: 6

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An ‘insignificant’ trauma is causing me great pain 12 years on replies: 12

Ptsd/abused replies: 2

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Back @ Work After COVID Iso + Intrusive thoughts replies: 7

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My shrink says I dissociated and I think I might have PTSD. replies: 8

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