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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Alice182 Family Trauma/Anger
  • replies: 5

Hi, I have been dealing with severe anxiety and mild/deep depression for years now. It is undoubtedly linked to the divorce my parents got when I was about 10 (I am 22 now). It was ugly. I saw things as a child that I shouldn't have including assault... View more

Hi, I have been dealing with severe anxiety and mild/deep depression for years now. It is undoubtedly linked to the divorce my parents got when I was about 10 (I am 22 now). It was ugly. I saw things as a child that I shouldn't have including assault, courtrooms, back of police cars, suicidal attempts by a parent. I know for certain all this has impacted me, but it has been the last few months that I have seen myself spiralling. I am constantly angry, trying to control others with minuscule tasks, snapping at them, just being plain awful. I drink more than I should, and it reached a tipping point the other night when I was wallowing in a bout of depression and got blind drunk. I had a fight with my mum, that I don't remember, and said some things that I know were disgusting toward her. We are not talking, just avoiding each other. I live with her and her husband who I really don't like. I don't talk to my brother much, as in the past I took my mums side in certain matters. My family is a mess, I don't think I've been stable since the divorce. I need to change, stop taking my anger out on others. But the loneliness and weariness is overwhelming. I simply give up and let myself wallow. Most days I feel like simply vanishing somewhere else. Start something new. But there is this hold my family has over me that guilt trips me into staying, from trying to separate myself from them. I am ashamed of myself to say the least, I simply don't want to be this way anymore.

Island11 Why do I feel like this
  • replies: 12

Things have been deteriorating with my partner since January. There have been sexual incidents which have upset me. I want to leave but can’t access the finances to do that and have no support from family. Every time he upsets me I go shopping and sp... View more

Things have been deteriorating with my partner since January. There have been sexual incidents which have upset me. I want to leave but can’t access the finances to do that and have no support from family. Every time he upsets me I go shopping and spend wildly. It seems to be the only way to feel ok again, to hurt him back, to feel like I have some control again. It’s not a conscious thing, i think it’s just a coping mechanism. I retreat inward emotionally yet lash out at him verbally. I feel a little bit like a caged animal. My joy and motivation in life is dissipating and I am simply here. He kisses me good bye and tells me he loves me and it feels at odds with everything else going on. My judgement and thinking feels so clouded.

India_L having to be a Adult but never getting the chance to be a kid
  • replies: 8

Hi all, I'm gonna tell you about my birth rights as a human taken away from me from day one. Opening my eyes after being born, Screaming because taking air in for the first time, being held by everyone in my family. Who knew life was gonna turn out t... View more

Hi all, I'm gonna tell you about my birth rights as a human taken away from me from day one. Opening my eyes after being born, Screaming because taking air in for the first time, being held by everyone in my family. Who knew life was gonna turn out the way it was going to be for me, Who knew mum was gonna become extremely sick and lock herself in her room for so long, Who knew dad would be abusive and leave us in a home with no food. To my father in heaven who gave my parents a blessing of 4 children who wasn't ready or capable to take on the challenge, My father why give me the job as parent at the age of 6, why did i have to look after my 3 brothers what made you think i was strong enough, what made you think i wanted to chuck away my child hood to put food on the table for my siblings. If God is real why didn't he come save me, where was he when i was under stress and depression. Father why cant you come save me now i need it now all the birthday wishes i used for your help, i don't know if birthday wishes are even real anymore. There not one day i haven't stopped caring for my siblings, Always thinking what its like to have a family that was happy with parents who looked after me, im looking after everyone but who's looking after me. Mum...Dad i need you now then ever why cant you come home now why cant you be happy? Thank you for reading, This is apart of a book that i have been writing about my childhood and i wanted to let the world see how it is to feel so powerless.

Missymoo93 Bed wetting after sexual assault
  • replies: 6

This is quite embarrassing but just wondering if anyone else has been through it. I was sexually assaulted a year ago and almost immediately after began wetting the bed, I have never been a bed wetter not even in childhood so its very upsetting. It h... View more

This is quite embarrassing but just wondering if anyone else has been through it. I was sexually assaulted a year ago and almost immediately after began wetting the bed, I have never been a bed wetter not even in childhood so its very upsetting. It has gotten so frequent to the point that I've stopped staying at family and friends houses and have started to isolate myself. I haven't told my doctor or psychologist about it because I'm so embarrassed and feel like a freak. Has anyone else been through this and did you overcome it?

Life3a Not sure if i can do this
  • replies: 176

Hi, I'm new here and i guess with every emotion and thought im feeling , I know i cant do this alone. To be honest, Im not sure if i can do this at all. Opening myself up and feeling more vulnerable than what i already am is difficult. How do you let... View more

Hi, I'm new here and i guess with every emotion and thought im feeling , I know i cant do this alone. To be honest, Im not sure if i can do this at all. Opening myself up and feeling more vulnerable than what i already am is difficult. How do you let yourself go, knowing that its so open to anyone and then removing this ridiculous fear that comes with it? Fear is my killer along with anxiety. Trust is another and that too is a big issue for me. i guess being so broken has those affects. I'm here so that's a start.

Veldelmar unsure what to do
  • replies: 19

I am numb - so numb when i want to cry I can't. I feel like I'm floating far in the ocean and no land in sight and it's really hard to put into words what my mind is seeing in pictures (especially out to the world). I will be 40 in july, expatriated ... View more

I am numb - so numb when i want to cry I can't. I feel like I'm floating far in the ocean and no land in sight and it's really hard to put into words what my mind is seeing in pictures (especially out to the world). I will be 40 in july, expatriated from the U.S. and I love australia but it's not been good to me. I know that I have PTSD, wasn't diagnosed until I moved here in 2013 from my time in Iraq 5 years earlier. I'm pretty sure I actually have cPTSD. I've always been amazing at masking my issues or locking them away until covid19 - honestly, things have been crumbling apart a bit before christmastime this year, but really fell open when I was locked in my house. Mind you, covid19 doesn't 'scare' me, I am just doing my part to stay safe and those around me. It's being trapped inside that's the issue. Trapped inside with just my brain and it's thinking about all the things that have been traumatic in life, including things I'd had locked away or chose to forget. I feel like a fake though, almost, i had great parents that adopted me when I was 5 weeks old. i had friends, good family, all the good stuff. Then i remember the torture that school was, the physical, emotional and sexual abuse by fellow students. Inheriting abandoment issues from being adopted due to those around me making me feel that. Being physically abused and raped by a partner...losing my father at 22... joining the army and seeing war...the constant fear women have being women...constant sexual misbehavior by men in public... being constantly guilted and manipulated by a mother that can't let go at all. There is so much more, things i haven't told people, things that I have. during this covid time, my mother had a bad fall - she's 81- didn't break anything, but the guilt thrown at me made the last nerve I had break. now i'm lost. I cannot stop dwelling, wishing i had an emotion to release. CBT makes everything worse, I don't want to talk to my GP she'll try to send me back to the woman that wants to be my friend with CBT. Nurse at uni has me trying ACT but it's making it all worse. I take antidepressants for my fibromyalgia and beta blockers for my essential tremour and migraines. Maybe I need more medical intervention, I don't think I should feel this way on that medication. Maybe it's time to check in a hospital, but then I'll feel more fake because I sure don't have it that bad? I'm at a loss, my friends say do what will make me happy. that isn't helpful.

Random_person Any advice?
  • replies: 2

I’m a 14 yr old currently struggling through depression. Got my antidepressants doubled up by my psychiatrist, and feeling more tired and depressed lately. I am already aware that after increasing the dose, feeling worse is one of the symptoms. I’m r... View more

I’m a 14 yr old currently struggling through depression. Got my antidepressants doubled up by my psychiatrist, and feeling more tired and depressed lately. I am already aware that after increasing the dose, feeling worse is one of the symptoms. I’m really struggling and getting verbally abused, and experiencing domestic violence. I feel like I’m being tortured, experiencing excruciating pain (mentally and physically) and feel like I’ve been a bit traumatised from it. All I want is people to understand and be nice to me, but I’m not really getting that. I’m being put down a lot and occasionally having suicidal thoughts. Im also scared if my parents start to develop mental health issues because they are hitting rock bottom and are seeming to not cope. I really love my parents, and they love me and support me. They are the ones that seemed professional help and attention for me. Although when they are angry and stressed, they put it on me at times, which worsens my depression. Idk. have any tips or statements???

Clover9312 Recent break up and partner's trauma
  • replies: 7

Hi all. First time here. Everyone seems lovely. I recently experienced my first break up. My ex also disclosed his childhood trauma I never knew about. I'm devastated for him. We were best friends for years and became a couple 7 months ago. Everythin... View more

Hi all. First time here. Everyone seems lovely. I recently experienced my first break up. My ex also disclosed his childhood trauma I never knew about. I'm devastated for him. We were best friends for years and became a couple 7 months ago. Everything was wonderful until COVID hit. We limited physical interaction since we don't live together, but spoke on the phone. One day he seemed distant. He told me that he was using isolation to go inward. He was stressed that he lost work (he's on Jopkeeper) and his share house fell apart. He assured me he loved me when asked if he was ok. He became physically affectionate again, though said it was tough time mentally. He then started avoiding intimacy. I put it down to stress, but I started taking it personally. He was negative, hinting the future was bleak. I told him that I was worried that I was making him uncomfortable when I hugged him. He said he didn't know "how to tell me". He enjoyed isolation, finally taking steps to heal his trauma. He told me he was sexually abused as a child. Facing his trauma, he has gone to a dark place. He told me he hates himself, breaking up with me, saying I need to expect better. He felt worried that he was going to become mean. I was shocked, as that's not the person I've known. I'm scared he fell out of love with me. He said he can't be physical with anyone at the moment and he can't associate sex with love. He says I'm important to him and he still wants to be my friend. I'm devastated we're not together. I have to accept his decision. He says he can't be a good partner without loving himself. I suspect he has PTSD? Reading about symptoms, a lot adds up. I'm wondering if COVID and associated stresses triggered? Is it possible for present stressful events to add up and create triggers of past trauma unexpectedly? Also, my first sexual experiences were with him. My comfort was his highest priority and he was VERY scared about hurting me. I believe this also triggered him. He told me he loved me too much to hurt me. He said he wasn't as stressed with previous sexual partners (they were experienced). He didn't mean that in an awful way, I just think he associated my vulnerability with himself as a child. Anybody experienced anything similar? The sudden disruption of intimacy and change in personality? I'm struggling badly. Everything was going so well for us and I'm struggling to put the pieces together. I also worry about him SO much.

Sootyjr CPTSD & difficult situations
  • replies: 3

I have recently been diagnosed with CPTSD and am struggling with certain situations where I find myself having to restrain violent behavior. I was sexual assaulted by a gay man when I was 7 or 8 years old, later my mother came out as being lesbian, h... View more

I have recently been diagnosed with CPTSD and am struggling with certain situations where I find myself having to restrain violent behavior. I was sexual assaulted by a gay man when I was 7 or 8 years old, later my mother came out as being lesbian, her partner worked as a parole officer and treated me like one of her paroles. In later years I became a Bouncer and that lead into a darker form of work collecting money owed for drugs. 10 - 15years of this and I was out but there are some scars that remain and I need advice. I am in a wonderful relationship with a lady and she is my one and only, the problem is that a friend of hers husband is an alcoholic and becomes abusive and belittling when drunk, he recently called me a derogatory name for a homosexual male and I became so enraged that all I could do was get up and walk away while in my head I wanted to hurt him so badly that he would never utter another word again. I have said to her that I can't associate with him anymore as I have a rule that I live by, "you only get one chance with me, I don't give people another chance to insult me". Am I being unreasonable? Do I need to let go? Or am I just protecting my self?

tom122727 Cant't Find A GF After Traumatic Experience at collage/school
  • replies: 6

i was abused by teachers at my college and it forced me to leave and i never wanted to and now I've been alone since before i left alot were in relationships, i never got it i feel like i wont ever get one i was even told by teachers that im dumb and... View more

i was abused by teachers at my college and it forced me to leave and i never wanted to and now I've been alone since before i left alot were in relationships, i never got it i feel like i wont ever get one i was even told by teachers that im dumb and that i wont have any friends.

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