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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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pippi9699 PTSD Depression and no support from my employer
  • replies: 3

Hi, This is my first time posting and I’m hoping that someone can give me advice. I was a victim of an aggravated burglary in my own home and as a result I not only suffered physical but also mental injuries. I suffer from severe PTSD, depression and... View more

Hi, This is my first time posting and I’m hoping that someone can give me advice. I was a victim of an aggravated burglary in my own home and as a result I not only suffered physical but also mental injuries. I suffer from severe PTSD, depression and anxiety and my employer is not at all helpful. Prior to the incident I was working in a processing centre but due to mu injuries I requested a transfer to an office closer to home and I was granted a temp transfer. To get the transfer I had to prove to the executive managers that I was suffering a mental health injury first by attending an appointment with 2 IME’s. I ended up having to take a month off work after suffering a breakdown due to what I perceived as bullying from the execs. The transfer was successful and I found myself working with a lot more supportive staff including the manager but it had its downside as well as there was customer aggression on a weekly basis and I often had triggers from the same type of people I was threaten by in my own home but I was doing well. We had even discussed my staying there on a permanent basis which overall I was happy with. Then a few weeks ago my PTSD and depression spiraled out of control and I had to take another month off work to get myself in a better place. I then get a call from the manager telling me I would have to return to my previous place of work and that they would not allow me to stay there. An hour later I get a call from the previous office with a big list of demands regarding my days and hours, and what’s required in order to negotiate. I have always been part time but had to reduce my hours down even further because of the PTSD and depression. I also have a chronic medical condition which results in severe fatigue, muscle and bone pain, memory and concentration problems add that in with the others and my life is pretty crappy. I honestly don’t know if I can continue fighting not only my demons on a regular basis and now my employer any more. I’m physically and mentally exhausted, I was hoping to try and apply for TPI but with my super fund the hoops you have to jump through are enough to put you off and my rehab consultant told me I was not sick enough to even try. Should I stay and make myself sicker or just give up the ghost and throw in the towel and retire ? I really don’t know how to move forward with this !

Mar8ie Reset button
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am 38, turning 39, female and a bit over three weeks now I left my house and my former partner and faced the virus head on rather then deal with said former partner. So you could say I was a bit desperate. I found myself a safe place to stay at... View more

Hi, I am 38, turning 39, female and a bit over three weeks now I left my house and my former partner and faced the virus head on rather then deal with said former partner. So you could say I was a bit desperate. I found myself a safe place to stay at a backpacker hostel and was in such poor metal and emotional state that I shut down for a few days, which lead to me been reported missing. Once I reassured the Police I was actually ok, it still took me a few days to recover enough to get in back in touch with my sister who has been a massive help. She kept me going even when said former partner started emailing me, trying to get me to come back. The actions he took while I have been gone, from what I've been told, has led to him been arrested. I have been assured that is safe for me now to return home. While I am a little apprehensive, I am hoping that I can reset my life and move forward from here.

ecomama Hopeful new member
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone Sophie suggested I start a new thread, am I posting in the right place? I'm new here. I've been reading some posts for a while now and was too nervous to join. I'm nervous now writing this! But I felt so much of myself being mirrored in t... View more

Hi everyone Sophie suggested I start a new thread, am I posting in the right place? I'm new here. I've been reading some posts for a while now and was too nervous to join. I'm nervous now writing this! But I felt so much of myself being mirrored in the posts here and wanted to join a community where I felt understood. Barely a person can, but it's not their fault lol. I am grateful that others haven't been through same. I posted quite a bit last night and am not familiar with the workings of the site, I will work it out somehow lol. I feel like I wrote so much about myself last night that I don't want to repeat myself but here I go... I have LOTS of children, am a single parent and work more than full time. All of us have experienced far too much trauma for words to ever express. All of us have exhibited signs of PTSD and C-PTSD has been mentioned more than once. We all receive varying amounts of counselling, psychologist support and sometimes a lot of extra support in our places of work and school. It is exhausting seeking and finding a person to trust in getting help in almost every sector for each of us, I have been doing that for decades in one form or another. I have found that no one has all the answers but I really appreciate the people who have tried their best. I am not sure how much to disclose here but basically because I was directed to report to scary sectors, our family can receive free counselling for the rest of our lives. A lot of what we suffered is like a horror movie but worse, we lived it. Those things are in the past for us, hopefully forever, but the memories and dreams are haunting us still. My children sometimes tell me about their frightening memories. I don't know what to do when my children express their own horrors to me but my counsellor said I am doing okay with these moments. I listen. Nod. Hug them. Cry with them. Tell them they are amazing and beautiful. Reinforce that we will NEVER let this be in our lives again. I was completely unaware of the worst things that happened to my children. I have reported my guts out over everything and been in every Court imaginable, almost. I have strong negative views about legal processes. On the flip side I am trying to fit the pieces together of all the things I've learnt to become a happy person. Happiness is SO HARD to get. I settle for contentment if I can find it in moments throughout the day. I try to remember to smile, that's a nice contagion. Thankyou for reading.

Futchy Grieving estrangement from daughter
  • replies: 5

I have a daughter, only child, aged 23. We have been very close her whole life. Possibly too close as I have a history of family abuse during my own childhood and strove to create a loving bond with my daughter. I'm not a perfect parent, but have sup... View more

I have a daughter, only child, aged 23. We have been very close her whole life. Possibly too close as I have a history of family abuse during my own childhood and strove to create a loving bond with my daughter. I'm not a perfect parent, but have supported MG (my girl) throughout her life and built a very close relationship. She has been in a de facto relationship for 2 years with a 24 yo man who has disengaged from his own family, has no friends and seems to have a problem with my daughter's friends. Recently he had upset MG very much and I went to visit, that night she didn't come home and in worry I confronted her BF. My daughter was angry with me and I apologised to her BF later. He however had been pressuring MG to stop having a relationship with me, as he has done with his own family. She has recently decided to distance herself from me. I respect her decision and am trying to just give her space, whilst letting her know I'm here for her. However I'm worried about her as she deals with depression. I'm also very hurt and angry, which I suppose is grief. I'd love some advice on how to distance and detach a little from the parenting relationship, so I can heal my own feelings, without cutting MG off completely. I'm also ending a long term relationship atm, and although we are mostly amicable and I have a new direction re home for myself I'm feeling a bit sad & lost with what is going on. How do I let go??

frost1 I feel so detached
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I’m new to this forum. I kind of just need someone to talk to. Everyone here seems nice so I figured I’d make this post. I always feel alone and unable to connect with people. Since high school I’ve been having problems with social interacti... View more

Hi guys, I’m new to this forum. I kind of just need someone to talk to. Everyone here seems nice so I figured I’d make this post. I always feel alone and unable to connect with people. Since high school I’ve been having problems with social interactions. I talk fine with my family and very close friends, but with others my mind usually goes blank and I lose track of the conversation. Other times I know what I want to say and I keep repeating it in my head but it just doesn’t come out. I moved to a new place five months ago and it got worse because I don’t get to talk much with my family and close friends anymore. I’ve had online friendships but I failed to maintain them. I feel so detached from everyone. People are generally nice to me but I feel like all I ever do is disappointing them. I used to be fun and social when I was younger, how did I turn into this? I have so much I want to share and talk about. I crave to connect with people. But I don’t know how to make a change..

Kazbell Drowning in Depression
  • replies: 2

I have suffered this for over 30 years, but have never had it as bad as this. Married to an alcoholic for 25 years who has emotionally and psychologically abused me and our 16yo daughter to the point where she has freaked out so bad that we had to ca... View more

I have suffered this for over 30 years, but have never had it as bad as this. Married to an alcoholic for 25 years who has emotionally and psychologically abused me and our 16yo daughter to the point where she has freaked out so bad that we had to call police to take her to hospital. While there they questioned me about his alcoholism and i finally broke down and told them everything going on, daughter and i both gave statements and the following day husband was served with a family violence intervention order and removed from house. Our court case was last Thursday and i was not allowed to attend as it was police who served not me. He was given a 6 month complete no communication order. Now i find my self grieving as if he has died, i am unable to stop crying, have missed days off work and am unable to cope in anyway...i just want to talk to him, explain not my fault and i want him home...i am in physical pain and feel i cannot go on without him...i miss him, his presence and i do not know how to get past this, i cannot cope, i need him back...i know i need help but live rural vic so no immediate help at hand. Have tried helplines but seem to get "i inderstand" types...i need aggressive help now...be here with me...if anyone can help or offer support please do. Thanks

borders PTSD and anxiety getting worse as I get older
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I am new to this type of forum. I am in my mid 50s and have a PTSD, depression and anxiety. I guess in some ways I am high functioning but everyone I work with and those who 'know me' call me too sensitive. My childhood was full of domestic... View more

Hi there, I am new to this type of forum. I am in my mid 50s and have a PTSD, depression and anxiety. I guess in some ways I am high functioning but everyone I work with and those who 'know me' call me too sensitive. My childhood was full of domestic violence and physical and emotional abuse towards me and my siblings by my father. He was an incredibly violent alcoholic. For years I thought my upbringing was normal. Also, for years, therapists tried to tell me it wasn't. Over the past 5 years my anxiety has increased a hundred fold. I was being bullied in two different workplaces and my PTSD is currently being triggered by a charge being brought against a close friend. A nephew took his own life 4 years ago and a niece has been in and out of hospital with drug induced psychosis. I am really upset for my friend as I know they would never do what they are accused of. My case was a little different. I managed my traumatic upbringing by becoming a party girl and I did something stupid when drunk. I no longer drink and haven't for quite a while but this has followed me around all these years as it has impacted my employment. When I tell people they just laugh but to me it wasn't funny. Now my friend is being accused of something terrible and I know exactly how he would be feeling. He has also now expressed that he doesn't want to live anymore. I really feel for him but there is nothing I can do to help except listen. My GP recently put me on anti-depressants and I was referred to a psychologist but they never rang. (where I live you have to wait for their call). I am isolated as working from home and my partner works away. I seem t have constant flashbacks of all of the stupid things I did in my 20s and I feel like I have wasted my life. I have constant anxiety and I don't want to return to work (where I was bullied) when the restrictions lift but we need the money and I need the job. I feel like a failure even though form the outside people think my life looks great. All of this triggered by the issue my friend is going through. I can't talk to my partner as he can't cope with when I am not 'coping'. I just don't know what to do. I am exercising, eating healthily, trying to focus on other things but I am consumed by fear for my friend. If anyone reads this I am sorry that it is all over the place.

Island11 Feeling hopeless
  • replies: 4

I have wanted to leave my relationship for some time now but it all came to a head 2 weeks ago. My partner saw me and tried to initiate sex. I said I didn’t want to because I still had to put the kids to bed. I wasn’t interested. He pressed the issue... View more

I have wanted to leave my relationship for some time now but it all came to a head 2 weeks ago. My partner saw me and tried to initiate sex. I said I didn’t want to because I still had to put the kids to bed. I wasn’t interested. He pressed the issue and we had sex anyway. Of course one by one the kids came in as small children do. He stopped each time and threw a blanket over us and told the kids to get out. I was feeling humiliated. The third time we were interrupted I walked away and he got angry with our daughter because of it. I scooped her up and took her to my bed. The next morning I asked if he thought his behaviour was respectful to anyone in the house that night. He said “well you were having sex with me too” I told him I was breaking up with him. That I didn’t love him. For 2 days he seemed to accept it and then went back to normal. I broke up with him again 2 days ago over the phone. We discussed dividing assets etc. and then he came home and said let’s find you a hobby, you aren’t coping at home with the kids. I don’t work, I look after our 3 kids (all under 5). The accountant has allocated part of his earnings to me so my tax returns looks like I have earned $200,000 a year so I am not entitled to any support from Centrelink. He won’t move out, or accept the breakup and I have no access to funds to leave. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat, not eating, drinking wine which I shouldn’t because I take medication for anxiety and hiding in my wardrobe or the laundry for 10 mins to get away from the noise. The situation feels like it will never get better and I wonder why I can’t cope when everyone else around me seems fine. All I want to do is fall apart but I know I can’t do that because my kids need me.

CatLadyInTraining Emotional deprivation/ childhood emotional neglect
  • replies: 10

Hello, this is my first post but I’ve been reading the forum for a while. as background, I am in ongoing therapy for my anorexia, and associated depression and anxiety. I’m working with my therapist to uncover the underlying issues to my AN. we have ... View more

Hello, this is my first post but I’ve been reading the forum for a while. as background, I am in ongoing therapy for my anorexia, and associated depression and anxiety. I’m working with my therapist to uncover the underlying issues to my AN. we have uncovered a history of emotional deprivation / childhood emotional neglect - as my parents in turn did not receive emotional support from their parents and never learned these things themselves. It was a huge shock to me to realise this in my past as I had been completely unaware of it at the time, thinking I’d had a ‘perfect’ childhood and ‘perfect’ parents who gave me everything I needed. so to the point: when i am feeling emotional pain or distress, I find that it is NOT helpful for others (friends, therapist, GP etc) to offer reassurance or to remind me that I’m doing well or that it will get better soon. This makes me feel so invalidated and I’ve had to train my support people not to use those more common techniques. I am learning to identify and validate my own emotions as true and real. So I need them to exist, as they are, as difficult as they may be. It’s been very difficult for my support people to learn this. is there anyone else here who has suffered similar CEN experiences have a similar response to people trying to make you feel better? Since CEN is invisible/ defined by what DIDN’T happen I can’t find others to share my experience with so thought I’d try here. thank you. I look forward to posting more in the community and supporting others if I can.

HopefulMum88 Slow rollercoaster of ups and downs.
  • replies: 3

Since child hood I feel like my life has been a slow roller coaster of ups and downs, Abusive narsistic mother, absent father, long term out of love relationship with first 2 children's father, cheated in and left me. Currently in a 4 year relationsh... View more

Since child hood I feel like my life has been a slow roller coaster of ups and downs, Abusive narsistic mother, absent father, long term out of love relationship with first 2 children's father, cheated in and left me. Currently in a 4 year relationship that was abusive for the first 3 years due to him being an ice addict he is the father of my 3rd child. Things are better with him now after a 12 month restraining order and lots and lots of rehab and therapy for him. Ive been on my own for over a year trying to raise and do right by my 3 children but the house is always a ride off, the kids are always up late, my daughter is falling behind at school she's showing signs of ADHD and high functioning autism. I should have gotten help along time ago for the trauma I've been through then chucked away alone to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and life and now everyone's pointing the finger at me for why my life and my kids are and is all over the show. I wish I'd done something about myself sooner but I haven't and here I am with everyone blaming me cause I should have got my shit together sooner. Im feeling pretty shattered tonight. Am I way off base with the way I'm thinking or do I have some sort of point or reasoning to where my head's at with this? Theres so much more to my story but that's the basics of it. And we're still dealing with the fall outs and consequences of all the mistakes made over the years I feel like it's never ending.