Going to court to give evidence

[Boobella]

I'm not sure if this is the right section, but I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to ease the emotional (I guess anxiety mostly), about having to face a perpetrator in court? I'm still months away and it'll probably be delayed because of corona virus, and I need to try and live my life right now and all the way up to and beyond then. I'm struggling to function. I'm either stuck in bed staring at the ceiling, sitting at my computer staring at my work (which unfortunately doesn't get done by desire alone), standing somewhere staring at nothing, you get the point. The amount of times in the last few months since I reported and it got to the court stage I've found myself in a zombie state is increasing as October draws nearer. I'm desperate to feel like I'm around about at my normal. I'm scared I'm going to give myself an ulcer or something, let alone give up because the whole justice system feels just as much like an abuser...

My PTSD is worse too. I'm jumping at the sight of people who look a certain way, or sounds from anything I can't see or identify immediately. And to 'help' myself, I thought I'd get a new shepherd pup, after grieving the loss of her predecessors. Wellity well well... I damn forgot how exhausting puppies were, didn't I? Now I'm struggling to keep the house clean too. And really young people (dogs in this case) are primarily interested in what they're getting (food, a warm bed and a pat), so there's not a whole lot of support coming my way. Although she does love a cuddle, and when I had a cold a few weeks back, she was soooooo good. So I think if I can keep myself going, I will have a very good friend for at least another decade.

And right at the end, the real reason for my stress - how do you deal with it if the court finds your abuser a better witness than you? I mean it's easy for them, they only have to deny it. They haven't had 30-odd years of punishing themselves for what a piece of shit did to them when they were a child.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

First of all I’m sorry for what you’ve endured.

Ive sat in on about 300coirt cases in my role as a prison officer over 40 years ago as well as given evidence as an investigator.

The more familiar you are to court proceedings and atmosphere the more relaxed you feel. At you area there will be a magistrates court where it is public- go and sit in on the cases and get used to it. All courts are the same.

Essentially courts are a question and answer meeting. There is 4 main answers- yes,no, don’t know and details if asked.

If you can’t recall, say “I can’t recall”. However if you say “I think so “ then you are inviting heavy questioning from the defence barrister as being vague is something they hone in on.

Honesty is your shield.

Also google this

beyondblue topic distraction and variety

repost anytime

TonyWK

[Boobella]

Thanks Tony, that was so helpful. Do you think going to observe a safe non-triggering case would be good to give me an idea of what to expect? The unknown is definitely a scary part of this. I'm also scared about being questioned, but even I can say yes, no or I can't recall.

[Helen72]

Hi Boobella,

I know pretty much what you're going through - and all I can say is take it one day at a time and each day do a small nice thing for yourself.

I found it very hard to do any work - I was just so stressed out that I spent all day pretty much doing nothing. Can you go for a short walk? A long one will probably feel like too much to take on.

Can you talk with anyone? It helps if you can. But I totally understand if you don't want to and then there's the problem of finding someone who can have this sort of conversation.

I know the puppy problem too. We got a puppy early Feb and like you said, what a lot of work!!!

And the judgement - I had to wait nearly a year!!! But I kept saying to myself, I'm not lying and the legal system doesn't always get it right. It might help you?

Points to you for going this route though - it's not easy but it has a deterrent effect that will help others.

Helen

[Emmen]

Hi Boobella,

I'm sorry for what you've endured. You're incredibly strong to have come this far despite the abuse.

The court date is in October and you've still got 6 months to go. Yet the "what ifs" of the court's decision are constantly in your mind. Yet you cannot know what the court will decide. In these 6 months, you are free of your abuser. You cannot let him torment you in your mind.

Instead of the future, focus on what's "now". Getting a pup is a great idea. You've got an adorable little creature to invest your time on. Looking after her can distract you from the court hearing and she can provide you long-term support in the future as well.

Take care, and remember that to have made it this far is not an easy feat. You're much stronger than you feel, so don't lose hope.

Warmly,
Emmen

[GimZim]

Do you have issues with dissociation? That first paragraph or so sounds very familiar to me. Mindfulness helps a lot when I'm feeling "spacey", I use the smilingmind app. Selfcare like having a warm shower, a cup of tea or a nice walk like was already suggested helps too.

I'm so, so proud of you for confronting your abuser. Take care of yourself.

[white knight]

Most cases in your nearest magistrate court is low level- driving offences, assaults and so on so hopefully they won’t trigger.

Just remember it is the defence barristers jobto question you and do the very best for his/her client, that doesn’t mean deep down he/she doesn’t believe you are disputable etc. essentially a court room is a serious playroom with people in different roles seeking a result of guilt beyond reasonable doubt. This means if he is found not guilty it doesn’t mean he is innocent- it means the evidence presented has concluded he is found not guilty because there was “reasonable doubt”.

So it is his barristers job to get under your skin, get you emotional and seek cracks in your evidence. Just remember your rights eg take your time answering. If he pressures you to answer quicker address the judge “your honor, I need time to process my answer is that ok”?

You will be ok. Not much different to a job interview. In the meantime attend those public hearing and distract yourself

and remember- worry only produces ulcers.

TonyWK