I feel like I'm not a good person and I don't deserve anything good

[PsychedelicFur]

I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like I'm not a good person. Every person I come into contact with ends up most likely hating me. I should never have kids, marriage or a career because I don't deserve good things.  

I had a romantic interest recently who got upset with me because I was checking in to see if they were OK and they thought I wanted to speak to them every moment of the day but they went quiet and when I checked in they were snappy and defensive. And I told them their attitude hurt my feelings and then they posted on social media how I showed my true colours. 

I'm not a good person. Everyone truly hates me. My ex friends. My ex partners. My estranged mum. Everyone hates me. 

[PsychedelicFur]

I think I may have BPD. I feel that distance with someone I care about is abandonment. Loneliness and sadness feels intense and like the end of the world. 

I have days where if I get a rejection or perceived rejection I think of myself as a terrible, horrible person. 

I don't deserve anything good. I won't be able to date or have a partner because I will have a fear of abandonment if they go distant and I might be too clingy as a fear of losing them. And if they end up lusting over a celeb or someone else I will get jealous. And then I will get triggered and worried they will leave me. 

And if I have a friend I will get worried they will discover I'm not a good person and then they will leave me for other friends. 

I won't be able to have children because I will traumatise them because I'm such a badly wounded person. 

I can't hold down a job because of my mental health issues and Autism. I struggle with connecting with co workers and getting feedback on my work can be debilitating. 

I'm just a terrible, horrible, horrific person who doesn't deserve the normal opportunities in life that everyone else gets. I won't be able to be a good partner, friend, employee or mother.